When All You Got is Faith Not a Lie
by blackflame28
Summary: A diary of a teenaged girl in a anti god world both versions of the story
1. The Story

7:45 pm  
  
Diary,  
  
I was almost caught today by my mother on the computer! I was on the computer with Daniel, searching for stuff we both need to live when I heard I noise. I scarcely just a chance I say good-bye to Daniel and close the window when Mother walked in. She just wanted to see what I was up to. I think that she thinks I spend too much time on the computer. It's really not my fault, through. I have to spend at least ten to fifteen minutes on the computer to work my way through all the legal barriers that stop me from doing my searching. If I didn't spend that time I would probably be dead by now! It also takes a long time to find the stuff I'm looking for! Do you how hard it is to find music about Jesus Christ that doesn't bash him? I guess I'm expecting too much. It's a miracle I have all the music about my Redeemer that I do now, considering it's... illegal and all. I can't believe it. Who in the right mind would illegalise Christianity? The only way to live, on Earth and the after life? Who in their right mind would make practicing Christianity a crime Punishable by DEATH? The world leaders, that's who. I don't think it's the end of the world yet, because there has been no rapture yet and because it's not a total world government yet, there are still four "countries" or regions- the North, South, West and East. Canada, where I live and the US is in the North Region, Europe in the West, Asia is the East and Africa is the South. The other parts of the Earth also fall into those Regions but those are the major players in the world today... except Canada... they are the same as always! Sleepy Canada! Ha! Okay that's not TOTALLY true. Canada and the US are one of the major players for underground Christian stuff. Unfortunately, the black market is EXPENSIVE! So it's the Internet for me to get all things Christian.  
  
Daniel is completely dependent on me for get him the newest songs and such. He can't go online. His father caught him looking for a Bible a few months ago on the Net and since then unless Daniel has adult supervision he can't go on the Net. He still sneaks on some days (like today) to talk to me. He was the one who taught me about hacking about the Internet. Right now, our biggest project is getting our hands on a Bible. We have only found parts of the Bible online, mostly the New Testament. We really want the whole thing. Daniel told me, the day he was caught, that he found a site with a whole Bible! But he never got the time to write down the address. *Sigh* Don't get me wrong, I am so very thankful that Daniel's father didn't turn him in.  
  
I remember last year a girl in my class was caught listening to POD, the teacher called the Police, and I swear, the whole SWAT team came and I'll NEVER forget this day... they killed her! They didn't give her a trial or anything. They just made a noose... they hung her in the cafeteria and left her there for a couple of days. The teachers, and the prefects, told us that would be a lesson for all us. If any of us were caught with any Christian items what happened to that girl would happen to us. That whole week I cried. I couldn't understand how God would allow that to happen? I longed for His Word so much. That's when Daniel and I started our own web page. It's called Jesus Freaks Lives! It's a combination of my and Daniel's web alias. Mine is RLives and Daniel's is JFreaks. Daniel LOVES the song Jesus Freaks by DC Talk. My favourite band is Relient K. Opps! Off topic! Pretty much all J.F.L do now is posts prayer requests. We also reply to people who want to know where other Christian sites are. We always do a background check on the people, in case they are really the government or something. At this point, no one from the government or the school knows about our site.  
  
Hey! My parents have just left to go shopping. I'm going back on line to get a Bible. Later!  
  
-Mia  
  
Lunch  
  
Diary,  
  
I'm in total shock. Today during first period we went down to the library to work on our History Project. My partner, Jocelyn, and I were already done our project so she was showing me some of her songs she had been working on. She wants to be a musician when she grows up. I, personally, don't like her songs. They are completely anti- Christian in their lyrics. They speak of sex and violence like it's commonplace. It is but it shouldn't be! I would really like her to show her the love of Jesus Christ so; perhaps, her songs could reflect that message. But her father is a politician and she's been brainwashed, like everyone else in the world, to believe religion, especially Christianity, is the cause of all evil in this world. I'm sure if I told her about the love of the Prince of Peace she would turn me in and I don't think that's a risk I am willing to take yet. Anyway her disk is FULL of songs and musical notes so when she typed in the title 'Jessie Eielson Should Use Somebody' the computer said the title was too long. So she typed the first letter of each word for the name of the file. Suddenly a loud alarm went off and metal straps shot out of her chair and pinned her down. She began to scream. I was so shocked then I realised why. Our stupid government have special 'key words' that tip them off to the Saints. Well, her shorten song title was- JESUS- a major keyword! I jumped to my feet. I told Jocelyn to calm down. I'm sure, after they read her lyrics, they would realise she wasn't a Christian. She continued to cry. The librarian cleared out the library, except for me because I refused to leave her there. About ten to twenty minutes later the police ran in, guns raised. Three surrounded Jocelyn and pointed their weapons at her head.  
  
"LET ME GO!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, "Don't you know who I am? Don't you know who my father is?" The policemen laughed at her.  
  
"Shut up, Jesus Freak!" one snapped. (Someone really needs to tell them that calling us Jesus Freaks isn't really an insult anymore! We are proud to be associated with our Lord and Saviour!)  
  
"Now we are going to release you from the chair," it was a female cop who was talking. I thought she was more sympathetic to Jocelyn, "But if you make any sudden movements we will be forced to shoot." The other policemen told me to 'get lost' but I refused. I had to know what would happen to my friend! They arrested Jocelyn and led her away. I wanted to follow but again I was refused. They wouldn't listen to her as she tried to explain the file title was only an anagram. But I think, because of who her father is, they might give her a trial instead of just executing her. I prayed that while she's in jail that she might find the comfort that Jesus provides.  
  
PLEASE JESUS, MY SAVIOUR PLEASE LET JOCELYN MEET YOU AND FIND OUT HOW WONDERFUL YOU REALLY ARE! GIVE HER COMFORT WHILE SHE'S IN JAIL AND PLEASE LET JUSTICE BE DONE. AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
After school  
  
Diary,  
  
Mom is good friends with Jocelyn's mother. Mom just came in with news about Jocelyn. Mom knows I'm really worried about her. Jocelyn is in the Juvenile Detention Centre. She will be held there over night. The police, tonight, are going to search her room for anything Christian. They have another team on reading her song lyrics. I heard from mother that Jocelyn is in a crowded cell with other Christian prisoners. I'm still Jocelyn with hear the Good News... I hope she believes it. Mom says tomorrow there will be more news.  
  
DEAR LORD, AGAIN I PRAY FOR MY FRIEND'S SAFETY IN JAIL AND THAT YOU WILL FIND HER AND WARM HER HEART. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF HER. AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
1: 26 am  
  
Diary,  
  
Guess who called right now? Jocelyn! Because of who her father is she received one unmonitored phone call- on a safe phone even! I can't believe what happened!  
  
"Mia? Mia?" the voice came across the line.  
  
"Jocelyn?" I mumbled, it was early and I was so tired.  
  
"My god Mia! I am so thankful I got through to you! Mia, can you do me a huge favour?"  
  
"Sure, Jocelyn. Anything."  
  
"I need you to tell me about Jesus. I figured that you would know about Him."  
  
"Me? Why me?"  
  
"Please Mia! After listening to some of these Jesus Freaks in here I thought a lot of them sound just like you... except mention God and Jesus and such."  
  
"But why do you want to know?" I didn't know what to do. I thought that maybe if I kept Jocelyn to keep talking an answer would come to me. I would pray about it in the back of my mind.  
  
"Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to die tomorrow. I want to know who I'm dying for."  
  
"You? Dying? But how do you know?" I heard my parents move around upstairs. I began to talk quieter.  
  
"My dad came tonight. Yelling at me. 'How could you become one those thieves?' 'Do you know what this will do for my career?' I told him to read my songs. For once I agree with you- those aren't good songs. I'm recalling a lot of the songs and I can't believe I even thought them, let alone wrote them down! They were- are- awful! He told me he did read them. He said that a lot of them had a lot of hidden Christian meaning. That tomorrow I should renounce my faith and go for major rehab or die. I heard some of the guards talking. They are coming up with... different ways of killing Christians. Mia, I'm so afraid."  
  
"It's okay. God will protect you." I said. I was so worried after I said that. What if I was caught? But now, after the phone call, I know I have to trust everything up to God. No matter how hard it is. I have to trust Him and at times, like tonight, let Him speak for me.  
  
"Do you think God will have me? Even after all these years of picking on His people?"  
  
"Yes," I really wished I had a Bible on me. I would look up the verse and everything, "In the New Testament a man named Saul went around killing Christians. One day on the road... to somewhere... Jesus revealed Himself to Saul and Saul became a Christian. He changed his name is Paul."  
  
"I've heard of Paul! Some of the girls in here keep quoting Paul and Peter!" I smiled.  
  
"Yes. So you see? Saul KILLED God's Saints and Jesus still wanted him. God wants no one to be apart from Him!"  
  
"Thank you Mia! I'm going back to my cage and I will pray the Sinner's prayer! And when the lawyers ask me tomorrow to forsake Jesus I will say no! Thank you Mia! Thank you Lord!" We hang up after that. I'm so glad Jocelyn found Jesus. Maybe...  
  
DEAR LORD, COULD YOU PLEASE SPARE JOCELYN'S LIFE TOMORROW? I KNOW THAT NOW THAT SHE'S ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN SHE WILL SPEND THE WORD FOR YOU. PLEASE GOD, PLEASE LET HER LIVE. IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN... PS- THANKS FOR LETTING JOCELYN TO FIND YOU!  
  
-Mia  
  
1st period  
  
Diary,  
  
There has been no word on Jocelyn yet. Daniel told him he would continue praying for her safety. He also told me got a lead on are Bible hunting! Yeah!  
  
-Mia  
  
Therefore take up the whole armour of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints. Ephesians 6: 13- 18  
  
  
  
12:30 pm  
  
Diary,  
  
I'm in the car. Afternoon classes are cancelled. Jocelyn's trial is public in the town square. I'm afraid. I hope God keeps Jocelyn strong.  
  
PLEASE GOD KEEP JOCELYN STRONG. LET HER KNOW THAT YOU LOVE HER AND THE DECISION SHE HAS MADE IS FOR BETTER, NOT FOR WORST.  
  
-Mia  
  
3:30pm  
  
Diary,  
  
She's gone... I don't believe it. How could anyone be so cruel? I HATE this life!  
  
-Mia  
  
After supper  
  
Diary,  
  
I got off the phone with Daniel. He made me feels somewhat better. I guess I should record what happened. We arrived at the Square, what we thought was early because the trial began at 1:30 but the Square was packed. People were screaming, "Kill the Freak!" I shivered. I saw Daniel and I told my parents that I was going to talk to him. My parents were okay with that. I went over to Daniel and he was with his other Christian friends that he has met through Jesus Freaks Lives. I didn't know these people with people very well so I don't know if I can trust them. They seemed very sobered. One, I think his name is David, asked if maybe if we should pray- aloud- for Jocelyn.  
  
"Are you nuts?" I cried, "Do you want to be killed?" His friend, Anne, laughed.  
  
"Oh, Mia! Does it matter? We will be dying for the Greater Cause!" I blushed. Why did these people make me for so bad for wanting to survive?  
  
"But if we die who will teach others?" I countered. The three nodded. Daniel smiled at me and he seemed to say, 'Why are you so afraid?' then the lawyers stepped up on the stage.  
  
"People! Welcome! As you all know, this is the trial for Jocelyn Pearson. She has been charged as a being a Christian. And we all know what our Criminal Code says?" he called. I shivered. The lawyers were acting like this was a game show. That our friend's life had no impact, no significance whatsoever.  
  
"It says that there is no god, goddess or higher being. We are the Higher Being. We are in control of our future. It says that anyone caught practicing can be charged with treason! It says that anyone caught practicing Christianity with be put to death!" the people chorused. Again I shivered. Daniel put his arm around me and I could tell he was scared too.  
  
"Let's bring out the prisoner! Jocelyn Pearson!" Jocelyn came out in chains but carried her defiant look, as she always did. She looked at the crowds and gave a small smile when she saw me. My eyes began to fill up with tears. One of the lawyers walked up to her.  
  
"Let's get straight to the point. It doesn't really matter what that file was called was it?" he asked. It wasn't fair! Jocelyn wasn't even given a lawyer!  
  
"Jocelyn Pearson, are you a Christian?" he cried.  
  
"When you arrested me I wasn't guilty of anything except not thinking. I didn't realise what I wrote when I named that file. That file was a normal song like every other one I wrote. But you threw in jail! There I was exposed to other Christians and for that I thank you. I thank you for arresting me. Because of your stupid laws I found there is a God! There is a true living God and that loves each and every one of us! He wants you to know Him!" she cried. I smiled. She was so brave. How on Earth did she find the courage to say that with the threat of death in the face?  
  
"Praise God." Matthew whispered. Praise God indeed.  
  
"Shut her up!" a lawyer cried. Jocelyn smiled.  
  
"OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN! HALLOWED BE YOUR NAME!" Jocelyn cried. The police ran up to her and slugged her. I turned away. The people cheered.  
  
"YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN!'  
  
"Hang the freak!" the crowds screamed. I shuddered as I heard young children yell this.  
  
"Hang her! Hang her!" they chanted. As the police looped the noose over Jocelyn's head she continued, "Give us our daily bread, forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one-" the second she said 'one' they dropped the platform and she died. The people cheered all around us. They cheered. Didn't they care they killed someone's daughter? Someone's friend? Just because of faith. Why, God, do You allow Your children die? Please Lord; protect me and my friends from those who wish to extinguish Your beautiful light. Please Lord; protect us. In Your Son's name, Amen.  
  
-Mia  
  
After School  
  
Diary,  
  
I've been thinking a lot about Jocelyn's conversion to Christianity. I'm so glad she became one of Jesus' followers and I've been thinking about my own and the impact it has had in my life. I've also been thinking that for our website we should put up a section where people can post their own stories. I mean every Christian has a story and I'm sure they would love to share it. I'll run this past Daniel and see what he thinks. Anyway, if it's a go ahead then maybe Daniel and I should post ours first. This, dear diary, is my story...  
  
My mother was only six when our World Leaders decided it would be better without religion. See, it was the end of World War III and what the Leaders believed what was the cause was religion. The Jews and the Muslim's fighting over the site where the temple use to be had escalated hugely over the past fifty years. One day a radical Jew fighter planted a bomb at the Dome of the Rock and blew it up! This caused a huge war, and like the other World Wars, most of the countries became involved. And for some reason, I'll never understand, the people began to blame Christianity! I guess it's like at the end W.W I when everybody blamed Germany and it was SO obvious that they didn't start the war! Anyway at the end of the War the strongest countries- US, China, Britain, and surprisingly Russia (who grew to be really powerful during the War)- appointed leaders and split the World into four regions. They blamed the cause of the war on religion. They said anyone caught practicing any  
  
religion would be jailed. And to appease the people they said anyone who is a Christian would be put to death! How this passed is, also, beyond me! So both my parents grew up in an anti- religion world. And when I was born I grew up without religion.  
  
I never missed it because I never knew it but I knew that I was missing something! But I didn't know what. In grade seven I met Daniel. He was a strange kid who was really quiet. I guess what really drew him to me was that the obviousness that he was hiding something. He had that whole aura of mystery around him! So after months of pestering him to tell me his secret he invited me over. We were really close friends by then and the fact that he hid stuff from me wasn't a big deal... but honesty it hurt me a bit that I became his best friend and I thought that he couldn't trust me! Anyway, I went over and his parents were gone (out shopping or something) so he took me his room. As we stood outside of his room he said, "Mia, you can't tell another soul what I'm about to tell you! I'm trusting you with me life!" I laughed. I didn't understand what was so serious. So we went inside his room. And there, with his stereo blaring, told me he was a Christian. I remember, after I heard that, I stood up.  
  
"Danny? You're a Ch- Christian? Are you insane?" I cried. He smiled.  
  
"No, Mia, I'm not. Once I've found Jesus I have never been happier!"  
  
"But it's illegal! Oh god, Danny!" I couldn't stand it anymore and I ran. I avoided Daniel for the whole week after he told me. I recall he would go up to me and try to talk to me but I would turn and go the other way. I remember thinking that if I stayed friends with him that I would be accused of being Christian too! That I could also be killed, that I was an accessory to a crime! I was so scared! So I decided I had to save Daniel. I couldn't let my friend die. Funny, he was thinking the same thing but he was worried about my eternal life.  
  
"Daniel," I said to him one day after school, "I'm here to save you! I won't let you die!" he laughed.  
  
"Amelia," he countered, "I'm here to save you. I won't let you die!" I raised me eyebrows. We went to the park with the swings. I believe that park was torn down and replaced with a Mini- Mart or something gross like that.  
  
"Danny, what you're doing it wrong! If you're caught, you will die. Don't you understand?"  
  
"Mia," he said my name really slowly, "have you ever heard of John 3:16? `For God so loved the world he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.'" He looked at me.  
  
"What was that?" I asked, that strange longing for something returned.  
  
"'For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.'"  
  
"What happened to God's Son?" I asked.  
  
"He died for us."  
  
"What do you mean `He died for us'?" I asked again. Why would anyone die for someone else? Then he, without a Bible, told me anything that Jesus did for us. I remember him telling me that I was a sinner and I fell short of being with God but God kept His promise and sent the One who will save us from our sinning cycle. That Jesus died because of us! He died because He wanted us with Him and His Father! I remember feeling warm after hearing that. I knew that I had to have Jesus in my life! I knew it!  
  
"Daniel, what do I have to do to have Jesus by my Saviour?"  
  
"Pray the Sinner's prayer. Pray that Jesus will enter your life and make you a person of God. Mia, pray with me." Then together we prayed the Sinner's Prayer and I felt God, Jesus in my life!  
  
I really wanted, after that day, was to tell everyone. I wanted to shout it out to the world and Daniel understood completely that urge but we also knew doing something like that would lead us to our deaths, no matter if we were only twelve. So we would learn how to hack around the computer and get God's word. We found others like us. And I never regretted becoming a follower of Jesus!  
  
-Mia  
  
After Supper  
  
HE FOUND ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DANIEL GOT A BIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Daniel came over for supper and we went on the computer to work on our site (he loved my Christian story idea!) and we decided to post a note on the message board saying to email us your story and we will post it for you on the site. While we were reading the messages from the people someone, named Angel, said that he read our request for a Bible and he gave us an address for a Bible site. So, I making sure mom doesn't come and see what Daniel was up to, he went to the site and got an NIV Bible. He saved it to disc and said he would print one out me for tonight! Praise God!  
  
THANK YOU GOD FOR ALLOWING US TO READ YOUR WORD! I'M SO HAPPY! THANKS GOD! THANK- YOU! THANK- YOU! THANK- YOU! THANK- YOU! THANK- YOU!  
  
-Mia  
  
1st period  
  
Diary,  
  
Oh my gosh! I'm so happy! Praise God! Praise God seven times seventy (that's how many times we are suppose to forgive other people and it means an infinite number so I want to praise God forever!) Daniel brought me my VERY OWN BIBLE! I brought my chemistry book (from the year before) and hid it within the pages. So about every ten Bible pages there are chemistry notes!  
  
Also Daniel just told me about this message he found on the site. It's a group called the Underground Resistance and they are dedicated to the teaching people about Jesus! I want to join. I really want to get my parents saved. But Daniel thinks we need to do major research on this group because they could be governmental and they are trying to destroy us. Daniel e-mailed Matthew, Anne and David to see if they had ever heard of them. I guess we will know soon if we can go to the front line.  
  
Anyway, Diary, sorry for the short entry but I'm going to "study" my "chemistry" notes!  
  
-Mia  
  
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Blessed is the man where perseveres under trial because he has stood trial, because he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.  
  
James 1: 2-4, 12  
  
1st period  
  
Diary,  
  
I'm really mad at Daniel right now! We just got in a huge fight all because I want online, without him, and did my own research on Underground Resistance. So by doing this on my own, I wrote a full report so everyone who visits our site can know the lowdown. So I told Daniel what I did and was about to show him the report but he flipped! Said I didn't trust him, this was a two- person team, there's no "I" in team, why did I feel like I couldn't trust him to go online, etc. I told him I did trust but I was anxious and couldn't wait. I said sorry but he rolled his eyes and told me that I needed to trust more- to trust him, trust David, Matthew and Anne and I had to trust God a lot more. Then he turned on heel and left! I'm so angry. He's probably going to rant to David and Matt right now. Well good for him! Anyway I wanted, during this period, to write down my findings.  
  
Okay, so it turns out that this Resistance group has their own website but it's on public Internet and there's no hacking involved to get to it. I think they taunting the World Leaders, like they are saying `we are here and you can't get to us'. Okay, and diary I know you will keep this quiet, but I was trying to hack into their site and find out who they are but, yeah for them, it's impossible to break down their walls. Anyway, I read their mission statement and I can't believe they thought they are a good group to post on our site! It's complete syncretism! I can't believe it! They want religion in our world again but they think they will make everyone happy by creating a ONE WORLD RELIGION! What is that about? I read that they will be creating a petition to send to the World Leaders and tell them we want a world religion. And you wouldn't believe how many people have signed it! I read their message board and it says stuff like, `I've want religion all my life but I was afraid. I'm so glad you are brave enough to take a public stand!' `I've read all the religions that there were and all seemed to be the "right one". I'm happy that you will out the best parts in one religion.' I was almost sick! They LIED on our message board... in a way. They do want to spend the Word of Jesus but not in it's true form! Argh! Okay, I should go.  
  
-Mia  
  
3rd period  
  
Diary,  
  
Daniel and I made up. After I finished my last entry I went to his locker and put my report in his locker and he read it. We both apologized and it's all-good. He's furious at the Underground Resistance too. During 1st period he did his own research and will help from Matthew and David they found out even more information. The main guys of the group come from backgrounds of Buddhism, Muslim and Hinduism. Not one of them were even Christian! Not one of them believed (or believes) Jesus is the Son of God! Also the guy who is a Buddhist works for the government! I'm so furious! So Daniel removed that message from the site and wrote a really long one explaining why that one message was removed and why it's best to stay away from it. Within the period there were several messages. Some were thanks, saying they were really interested in the group but if that's all true they will stay FAR away from it! But some also were coming from the opposite end, they said things like, my parents are a part of that group, they believe Jesus is a god, why should Christianity be the ONLY way to Heaven? *IDEA* It's an awesome idea! Why don't Daniel and I start our own group? We already have the site. And I'm sure Matthew, David and Anne would like to help! It's our best bet to save more people instead of waiting for them to come to the Kingdom! Oh! I'm so excited!  
  
-Mia  
  
Late- very late  
  
Diary,  
  
I think my mom is going to kill me! I went out with Daniel and we met up with Matt and David at Anne's house. That was pretty fun. We porked out on chips and pretzels! Then Anne's mom, who is also a Christian, brought in brownies and hot chocolate! I never ate so much in one night in all my life! Anyway we talked about my idea. David thinks it's a wonderful idea but Anne and Matthew think it's too dangerous- especially for a couple of high school students. Daniel is sitting on the fence. I guess he doesn't want to upset anyone. I asked what's the harm? I mean we already have a site promoting Christianity, why not take it a step farther? We could really help people find Jesus! But Anne said people needed to be touched by the Holy Spirit first before they become Christians. David pointed out that they couldn't have their heart softened until they know that God exists. We got into a HUGE argument (in which Daniel said nothing). Anne's mother came running in and told us we needed to calm down. We sat there for almost ten minutes, eating, and deep in thought. I think it was Matthew who said the only way to solve this was to pray about it. We send our problem up to God and He will lead us to do what's right.  
  
Anyway David mentioned that the Four World Leaders are coming to our city. I found out tonight that David's dad works for the city government and is going to be promoted soon to provincial government! David doesn't know why they are coming. But we did manage to agree on something tonight- we are going to have to lay low for a while. Matt had to point out that means no updating the site or making a new site. I wonder, sometimes, how Daniel can stand them! They really make me mad. Especially Anne and Matt, they always act like they know everything!  
  
Oh right! I totally forgot! So mom is really mad because I didn't come home until... well... after midnight...way after. Try around 2am. Yes, it's a weekend but mom said my curfew was 12am. She never told me that. And besides who can really stop talking when it's about God? *Shrug* Well, now I'm grounded for a month. And I have no Internet privileges for at least a week. Doesn't mom know how important Internet is? It's my lifeline to other Christians! Of course I can't tell mom that. Image what she would say to that! I would be grounded forever! I suppose there is an upside to this. I can "study" more. Hee hee. Well, it's late. I'm going to bed. Later  
  
-Mia  
  
Afternoon  
  
Diary,  
  
Because I'm grounded I couldn't go to church this morning! Usually I tell my parents that I'm going to Daniel's and that we work on our homework. And a part of it's true- I do go to Daniel's but then we go to this house church that Pastor Steven runs. He's about 33- and so cute! - and completely relates to what us students feel. He works for a part of the government and he always see his friends being arrested. He says that he is afraid to quit because that's a dead giveaway that you are a Christian. I remember once he told us that he had a girlfriend named Amara and his older brother introduced her into Christianity. Anyway she decided she couldn't work for the company anymore. So she quit. Pastor Steve said she had a really believable excuse. At any rate the next day rumours were flying around that Amara got arrested. Steve had to find out and went straight to his boss. He apologized and said that the rumours were true. He told Steve that his girlfriend was found out to be a Christian and will be killed that very night! Steve wanted to know how they found out but his boss told him not to worry. So now every weekend Steve asks us to pray for him so he will know whether or not it's safe to quit or not.  
  
Anyway, Daniel called earlier this afternoon. Mom allowed me to talk to him on the phone.  
  
"Mia, where were you?" he asked.  
  
"Because of Friday night I'm ground for a month!"  
  
"That sucks. I'll keep notes for you at Steve's. That reminds me, I told Steve about your idea and he thinks it's awesome!"  
  
"Really? That's great. Once I can go on the Net again, I'm going to start working on it."  
  
"Plus Steve made a decision about work!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"He's quitting. He says he's sick of working for the devil and refuses to anymore!"  
  
"Good for him!" That's when Mom told me to get off the phone.  
  
"I heard that. I should go too. Oh! David says hi!" then Daniel slammed the phone down. David says hi? Since when would David send messages to me- and Daniel deliver them? Oh well, HI DAVID! But good for Steve. I really mean it. I hope God protects him... I hope God protects all His children.  
  
-Mia  
  
After supper  
  
Diary,  
  
OH MY GOSH!!!! I just heard this on the news! I'm shaking! I really want to call Daniel but mom won't let me. I can hardly write this. Breathe, Mia, breathe. Okay... okay... so Dad and I were listening to the news. We are both interested in why they are coming to our little city but we were watching and the newsman said that due to their arrival... EVERY HOUSE, SCHOOL, AND STORAGE PLACE WILL BE SEARCHED FOR ILLEGAL MATERIALS. That means I have to wipe the hard drive. No I have to do better than that. The police will be doing the searching whenever they want- we will have no warning! I must wipe the drive TONIGHT! A better idea! I will crash the computer. I mean a major crash that practically breaks the computer. But I don't know what to do with my other stuff- like this diary or my chemistry notes! I'm so scared! I don't want to die!  
  
-Mia  
  
1st period  
  
Diary,  
  
I managed to crash my computer last night and while I was "fixing" it all the files were deleted. Unfortunately all my school files are gone too. I don't know what to do with my Bible and my diary. I spoke with both Daniel and David. Daniel doesn't know what to do. He can't crash the computer, like I did, because his dad uses it for work. He says he's going to delete all his files then using all his hacking knowledge try to resurface it. David doesn't think they will try to uncover any lost files and if they do the titles won't give anything away.  
  
"But what will we do about the hard stuff, like our Bibles?" I asked.  
  
"I don't know. We can't throw it out! Not after all the work we did to get one!" Daniel said. I totally agree. I can't even image throwing out my Bible!  
  
"'Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust in Me.' Isn't that what Jesus said? And shouldn't we believe him?" David asked. I smiled.  
  
"I do trust God and I trust Jesus but these times are dangerous. If every Christian openly professed the Word then every Christian would be dead, trust in God or not." I replied. I really do trust God.  
  
"Paul, Peter, Steven and many others lived in times where Christianity was illegal and they weren't afraid. Why are you?" David answered quickly.  
  
"Because I don't want to die! I want to grow up! I want a job. I want children! Don't you have the same dreams?" I cried. David shook his head sadly.  
  
"I do. But I trust my Lord. If He wants me with Him then I will go, singing His praises. I refuse to be afraid. I thought you trusted Him too." David walked away. I am so mad! How dare he say that? He acts like he knows me or something! I'm only human- of course I have fears. I don't know anymore. I don't want to say David is right but I guess that's all I have. I have to trust God that my time isn't up.  
  
-Mia  
  
2nd period  
  
Diary,  
  
Am I nuts? I'm still very scared! All the students are talking about the arrival of the World Leaders. No one knows, still, why they are coming but they (the students) are looking forward to the arrests for the "religious idiots". This one boy, who I once to think was super fine, cheered, "Yeah I would love to see the Christian Freaks burn. Crucify them! That I would pay to see!" I was almost sick to my stomach. This other girl, who use to be friends with Jocelyn, said, "Yeah, I don't mind Buddhists or Hindus but those Christians! God, they think they are all special because they think they are "saved"! No hell for them! I would love to see their faces when they discover there is no god!" It took everything in my power not to say anything.  
  
GOD I KNOW I'M SUPPOSE TO TRUST YOU SO I NEED YOUR HELP! PLEASE HELP ME TRUST YOU! HELP ME TRUST YOU MORE WITH THIS UPCOMING TEST YOU LAID BEFORE US CHRISTIANS. MAKE US STRONG IN YOU. IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN  
  
-Mia  
  
After Supper  
  
Diary,  
  
I watched the news with my dad tonight. I couldn't stop crying. My parents didn't really understand why. All these people were being arrested. Buddhists, Hindus, Jews and Muslims were being arrested. They will be jailed. The parents will be charged with treason and the children will go for psychological help. And the Christians... a lot of them were killed on sight... those who weren't killed were arrested and will be killed tomorrow. The news people were talking about leaving the Christians until the Leaders come in a week, then they can celebrate with their deaths. After the news I came up here... I told my parents I felt sick. That's no lie.  
  
LORD, PLEASE HELP YOUR PEOPLE. PLEASE LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH. GIVE US ALL STRENGTH.  
  
-Mia  
  
1st period  
  
Diary,  
  
I still don't know what I'm going to do with my diary and bible. David is grounded now too. He was caught looking through his dad's things. He was trying to find out more about the Leader's arrival because of his dad's almost promotion he is in charge of getting the city ready for their arrival. Once they arrival the promotion will be official. Anyway, David was going through the notes and stuff, trying to learn more and his dad walked in. David did mention to find the tentative schedule for the searches but David said because he saw it that they might be changed. My house will be done Thursday, Daniel's tomorrow, Matthew's Thursday and Anne's is Friday's. David's was done yesterday. He had quite a day yesterday. Luckily for him they didn't search too much because of his dad's loyalty. So I'm calling my mom at lunch to see if I'm allowed to go to Daniel's and work on "homework". We will actually delete ALL Christian files and anything that might even hint that there is any Christianity. I  
  
wonder by doing this... are we denying Christ? That thought popped into my head as I closed my journal last night... I didn't say anything to anyone about it but I wonder if I am denying Him. Well I have two days to find out. But I think I will keep my diary and Bible. I don't want to hide them. I just don't know anymore.  
  
LORD, GUIDE ME TO DO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO. KEEP DANIEL AND THE OTHERS SAFE. IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
After school  
  
Diary,  
  
Daniel is over now. Mom, because of her cleaning of the house seems to have forgotten my grounding. Any way we just came back from his house, we completely crashed the computer! We bailed out before his dad came home and we came here. Mom didn't really notice or care. So we are hiding in my room. Daniel is reading my Bible. Tomorrow we are going back to Daniel's to give him support. David will try to come too. Anyway, we will be praying hard this week!  
  
PLEASE LORD, PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. PROTECT DANIEL TOMORROW... AND PROTECT ME THRUSDAY! IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN.  
  
1st period  
  
(Thursday)  
  
Diary,  
  
Daniel is so scared! We have been reading our Bible and praying (in plain view of everyone!) like crazy this morning. We mainly were praying for Daniel but we were also praying for Matthew and myself. Daniel has his Bible in his bag. Pretty much anything Christian he owns is on him. We are worrying that the police may search our lockers after they search our houses... of course that wouldn't make sense. But David did say they would search lockers later on before the Leaders arrive. Anne and Matthew are trying to find other believers in the school. So far we four are the only ones...  
  
LORD PROTECT DANIEL TONIGHT, PLEASE PROTECT HIM ALL DAY. PLEASE PROTECT ALL YOUR FOLLOWERS THIS WEEK. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
After Supper  
  
Diary,  
  
The three of us went to Daniel's house. The police were still searching. We froze. Daniel paled.  
  
"I can't go in there." He stammered.  
  
"Yes! Yes you can!" David said. I nodded. I was shaking too.  
  
"Yeah! `Don't let your heart be trouble', remember? God will surely protect us!" I cheered. Daniel nodded sadly. We, heads up, walked into the house. Daniel's parents saw us. Only his father made a face. I guess he never told Daniel's mom that her son is a believer. His dad walked over to us.  
  
"Boy, why are you bringing your friends over?" he demanded.  
  
"I- I didn't know they were here." He said. I glanced at David. He was glaring at Daniel's dad.  
  
"Are these your Bible buddies? If you get us in trouble..." he warned. Daniel sighed.  
  
"Don't worry dad, nothing is here that can be of any harm." He reassured. His father glared at and went back to join his wife. So we then crept up to Daniel's room. It was a total mess. I guess they don't take the time to clean up. The police had searched the place already. We closed the door. The next room over was being searched. Daniel groaned and (carefully) fell back on his bed. We, each, searched for a place to sit down. David began to laugh. Daniel shot him a look.  
  
"What's so funny?" he demanded. David began to laugh harder. Then I realised why he was laughing- it was one of relief. Daniel was safe. God had protected him! Then I began to giggle. Daniel smiled.  
  
"Okay... what's the joke?" he asked.  
  
"We are safe!" David cried. But Daniel shook his head and snapped us back to reality.  
  
"What about Mia?" he said. I stopped laughing. Tomorrow would be my day of search... and seizure. We became really quiet.  
  
PLEASE LORD, PROTECT ME TOMORROW. IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN!  
  
-Mia  
  
Do not fear those who can kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both body and soul in hell. Matthew 11:28  
  
1st period  
  
The big day!  
  
Diary,  
  
I am so scared. David is helping me through this. He was been praying with me and for me. Daniel is helping too. I think I will spend this period reading my Bible.  
  
PLEASE LORD, HELP YOUR CHILDREN BE SAFE! IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
During 2nd period  
  
Outside the principal's office  
  
Diary,  
  
I was called down to the office. I'm scared. What could they have found? I thought I cleared everything out! I thought I was safe. I wonder if the police are in there... trying to figure out the best way to take down a super Jesus Freak like me. What if they torture me? Demand I reveal the names of other Christians? OH LORD PLEASE KEEP ME SAFE FROM DEATH... AND PAIN! I'M NOT READY TO DIE YET... I WANT TO DEVELOP THAT SITE FOR YOU! PLEASE LORD! Oh here they come!  
  
-Mia  
  
At home  
  
Diary,  
  
I never knew. My sister (I have never mentioned here in this book because she's away at university) is a Christian. At 10:10am I was called down to the principal's office to tell me that my older sister had been arrested for being a Christian. She is being held with the other prisoners in the federal prison just on the outskirts of town. We are soon going to visit her. I REALLY want to tell her that I am a Christian- I never told her before. I was too afraid. Honesty, diary I feel majorly conflicted. I am SO happy that my sister is a Christian yet... I'm so upset that she got caught. Argh! My thoughts are everywhere! I should write down how she got caught. I went into the Principal's office and my parents sat there, stone faced. I decided that I wouldn't say a word until they accused me of being a Christian. I walked in and slipped my diary into my bag. Mom got up and hugged me.  
  
"Amelia... I'm sorry." She whispered. I pulled away.  
  
"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked.  
  
"Samantha got arrested today." Dad said. I froze. Here I was thinking I was in trouble and my own sister was the one is jail!  
  
"But how?" I whispered, in total shock.  
  
"She was a Christian. They found her bible in her dorm room." Mom replied. My dad took my arm and said, "Let's go home." Then we left and now we are home.  
  
PLEASE LORD KEEP MY SISTER SAFE. USE HER TO SPREAD YOUR WORD... PLEASE LORD... DON'T TEAR THIS FAMILY APART. IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
Late at night  
  
Diary,  
  
We just came home form the jail. It was totally different from when Jocelyn and I talked... then again we were on the phone. They roughly dragged Sam to us. She was... wearing a red jumpsuit and hand and feet cuffs. Then the four of us were locked into a room with a camera. They were going to tape the whole thing. Sam had been beaten up and her jumpsuit had blood on it. My eyes filled with tears. I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her.  
  
"How are you so brave?" I whispered. She smiled at me.  
  
"Oh Mia! Why should I be afraid when I am going to be with the One Most High?" she asked.  
  
"Samantha, shut up! I don't want you brainwashing Mia with that Christian bullshit!" Mom snapped. Sam, painfully, sat down. I sat next to her. Mom and Dad remained standing.  
  
"Mom... Dad... why did you come here then?" Sam asked, "Do you honestly think that I will give up my faith?"  
  
"Baby, you don't know what you are saying. Just say you aren't a Jesus Freak and come home with us." Dad said.  
  
"No. I am not going to give up the one thing that truly matters in life." Sam declared.  
  
"Sam, what happened?" I asked. Sam never stopped smiling.  
  
"It looks likes it hurts but this is only a small price to pay. Oh Mia! I wish I could express in words the feelings I have when I think about how Lord Jesus Christ. He suffered so much worst just for us!" Sam said. I nodded. I really wanted to tell her I knew! I knew the joy that is saving faith! But I was so afraid... like I was with Jocelyn. I'm even afraid now as I write this. Mom slapped my sister across the face, reopening a wound. I jumped to my feet.  
  
"Mother!" I cried. How could she do that to her own daughter?  
  
"Mia, it's okay. She only wants to protect you." Sam said.  
  
"Honey, I'm sorry. Sam... what if you are wrong? What if there is no god?" she asked.  
  
"Mom, I know there is. I feel Him." I nodded. I remember that feeling. That moment of joy I felt when Christ entered my life and the Holy Spirit entered my heart. Sam shot me a look of confusion. Mom sighed.  
  
"Please, just say the words and you will be safe!" Dad pleaded.  
  
"My Lord says, `but if anyone denies me here on earth, I will deny that person before my Father in heaven.' Right Mia?" I paled. What was she trying to do? But then she continued, "You would never tell the person you love that you hate him, so I can never tell the Messiah I don't believe in Him."  
  
"But instead you rather tell your family that you hate them?" Mom countered. Sam just continued to smile.  
  
"'If we die with Him, we will also live with Him. If we endure hardship, we will reign with Him. If we deny Him, He will deny us. If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.' That is what Paul wrote to his friend Timothy is his second letter." She replied. My parents knew then my sister would never deny her faith. Mom hugged her daughter.  
  
"When is your... execution date?" she asked. My eyes filled up with tears again.  
  
"The night when the Leaders come. Mom, Dad and Mia, I want you to know that I love you. I really do. And I pray that you, too, find God and His Holy Son in your life. Do not be sad." She said. Mom mentioned that we should leave. I hugged my sister tightly.  
  
"Sam," I whispered in her ear, "I'm a believer too." I smiled at her through my flowing tears. Sam looked shocked and then mouthed the words, "Praise God." Then we left.  
  
I'm going to see if David will drive me back tomorrow. David has a car. I'm going to visit her every day until...  
  
OH GOD! PLEASE KEEP MY SISTER SAFE IN YOUR LOVING ARMS! I PRAY THAT SHE REMAINS STRONG IN HER FAITH AND THAT IF I EVER HAVE TO FACE THE SAME CHALLENGE AS SAM THAT YOU WILL MAKE ME BRAVE. PLEASE MAKE ME BRAVE NOW. DO NOT LET ME FEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF BEING YOUR FOLLOWER. I LOVE YOU. IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! No, I came to bring a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household! If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:34- 39  
  
1st period  
  
Diary,  
  
Okay, I'm still a little mad at mom right now. I told her, last night, that David would drive me to see Sam after school (which I did ask him about this morning and he said he would) and she flipped out. She told me she didn't want me to see Sam, that she is a "bad influence". I couldn't believe that! I told her that she's my sister and I want to spend time with her before... yeah. Mom still said no way! All Sam will talk about is God and the 'so- called' love of Christ and she doesn't want me to turn into one of 'them'! I was so mad! I told her that everyone should have their own right to freedom of speech and that I, also, have the right to spend time with her! Then I went to my room and stayed there all night. I know the Bible says not to let the sun go down while you are angry but she's my own sister! I want to see her! And she should know that there are people out there that love her and agrees with her about Christ!  
  
Anyway, after school David is going with me to see Sam. You know it's strange but I use to hate David but know we are very close? It's strange, things like that. God sure does work in mysterious ways!  
  
-Mia  
  
2nd period  
  
Diary,  
  
Oh my gosh! We had a library period so I went on to check my Rlives email (after a lot of hacking to make sure it's safe) and I got a message from a very good friend who lives in Ireland, her name is MyMessiah. I'm very grateful for becoming friends with her because she helped Daniel and I a lot on website and it's nice to know there are other teenagers facing the same Christ- issues that you are... anyway, I'll just copy the message in here:  
  
Rlives,  
  
I thought you should know that the government has their top hackers out to delete all Christian websites and to capture those who made them! I don't know why they are just after Christian websites. but I heard this rumour that Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam and the like are all going to legalized- except of course the one true religion. This bugs me so much! Just thought you should know so you can do something to your site. I will pray that God protects you and Jfreaks from the government.  
  
Your sister in Christ,  
  
MyMessiah  
  
That just makes things so much harder for us. PLEASE GOD! PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN! HELP US GET CLOSER TO YOU, IF ONE WAY FALLS, ALLOW ANOTHER TO GROW! PLEASE LORD!  
  
Hmmm... I just heard my name called to the main office. Later.  
  
-Mia  
  
At home  
  
Diary,  
  
This is unbelievable... just unbelievable. I'm at home now. Mom took out me out of school today. I thought something had gone wrong with Sam but without mom saying a word, we went home. These I found out what was wrong.  
  
"I searched your room." Mom stated.  
  
"What? Why? How could you?" I cried.  
  
"I listened to your CDs," I paled slightly but didn't say anything, "Amelia, where did you get that music?"  
  
"The Internet..." I mumbled.  
  
"Amelia, are you a Christian?" I began to shake. My eyes began to tear up. I nodded.  
  
"Oh god, Mia! Why?" she cried. I didn't know what to say. My dad just stood there.  
  
"Where did we go wrong?" Mom wailed.  
  
"Nowhere. You did everything right." I said.  
  
"Where? Who did you learn this from?" Dad finally spoke up.  
  
"I rather not say." I replied.  
  
"Go to your room until... we decided what to do." I left the kitchen.  
  
So here I am. I worried. What if my parents turn me in? What if my parents turn me in? What if, because of them, I die? Would they do that to their own daughter? (Don't think about Sam, don't think about Sam!) PLEASE LORD, HELP ME BE STRONG THROUGH THIS!  
  
-Mia  
  
Don't be afraid of what you are about to suffer. The Devil will throw some of you into prison and put you to the test. You will be persecuted for 'ten days.' Remain faithful even when facing death, and I will give you the crown of life. Revelation 2:10  
  
Later  
  
Diary,  
  
Praise God! My parents have decided not to turn me in! I'm so grateful! Yeah God! Unfortunately I have lost ALL Internet privileges. I can't even go on if my parents are right beside me! This means that it's up to Daniel to hide the site or something like that. Also my parents have removed all my Christian music and anything else they could find that was Christian. I'm hiding my Bible and this diary on me at all times! They said they would also go through my locker (telling the principal something like I am on drugs or something!) and removed all Christian things. I am to come straight home after school and until I tell them who told me about God I cannot hang out with Daniel or any of my other friends. I think they suspect I learnt about God from Jocelyn. Plus there is more. The municipal government is holding an all day workshop in a couple of days teaching all about the wonders of the new non- religious government and my parents are forcing me to go! They hope that once I learn about the peace that an anti- god world brings I will give up my devotion to Jesus! Yeah, right. I'm still scared. After they discover that all this brainwashing stuff they are trying doesn't work they turn me in? Today I heard from David that this Saturday (one week tomorrow!) that is when the Leaders are coming. What if they decided to hand me in to them then? Or what me to express my loyalty to them? I CAN'T do that! My loyalty lies with God, with the Son and with the Holy Spirit!  
  
OH LORD! I'M SO SCARED RIGHT NOW! PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR STRENGTH AND HELP ME BE READY TO GIVE UP MY LIFE FOR YOU IF NEED BE. I PRAY THAT YOU KEEP STRONG ALL THOSE WHO ARE AFRAID BECAUSE OF THEIR FAITH RIGHT NOW AND LET THEM (AND ME) KNOW THAT YOU WILL NOT ABANDON THEM AND YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH THEM, JUST LIKE YOU PROMISED. PLEASE LORD KEEP ALL YOUR CHILDREN FAITHFUL TO YOUR WORD AND YOUR WAYS. IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
Thursday  
  
After school  
  
Diary,  
  
This week sucked! My parents are breathing down my neck and I don't know they have told my teachers but they are watching my like a hawk! Only David and Daniel are standing by me. Anne and Matthew (like I ever considered them true friends) are acting like I have (or AM) the plague!  
  
"Mia, how could you allow yourself to found out?" Anne asked me Monday.  
  
"Yeah Mia, just because we trust God to protect us doesn't mean we don't have to careful all the time!" Matthew scolded.  
  
"I was careful!" I cried, "What did you think I did? 'Hey mom? Well I figure you already now about Sam so I thought you should know that I'm a Christian too? Oh, while you're at it you can search my room while I'm at school. Okay? Love you.'"  
  
"Oh Mia! I told you that your site would get you in trouble." Anne said. I opened my mouth to say something but then Matthew spoke again, "Mia, if I were you I would toss that diary of yours. I would honestly think about tossing the Bible too. But definitely the diary-you could get all your friends in trouble. I don't want to go to jail because of your stupid mistake."  
  
"Well, I, for one, am proud of Mia. Things are a little rough now but she is still holding strong. That takes a lot of faith." David said. I whirled around. I couldn't believe he stood up for me, a girl he barely knows, for his closest friends! That took guts! Actually today he gave me this really cute card and he wrote Matthew 10:19, 20 on it. I think I'm going to write down the passage here:  
  
"But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how you are going to say it. At the time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you."  
  
Okay, I know diary that it doesn't sound very comforting but, as I think about it, it is. I mean if God put in my heart tomorrow to speak for Him then I won't fear about what to say because He is talking for me. Okay, yeah, that sound weird and all but it's not.  
  
Anyway, tomorrow is the "workshop" day plus the day before our "wonderful" leaders come. I'm afraid about tomorrow. I trust that God will be with me. what if they find out the truth?  
  
PLEASE LORD, HELP ME TOMORROW, HELP ME BE STRONG AND CONTINUE TO BE YOUR CHILD. AMEN  
  
-Mia  
  
Lunchtime  
  
Diary,  
  
Hiding in the washroom now. ARGH! I don't think I can listen to those people anymore! First there are all types of people in that workshop. There are older people, young teens, college students, parents with their children (newborns and toddlers) and criminals. You could tell that they were criminals (not religious criminals) because they wore handcuffs and such. It was frightening because of all the teens and children. They all seemed to be eating it up.  
  
The first part of the morning was a quick lesson on religion: how it got started, what were the five major ones, what was "common" each of them. Next they taught the negative stuff about religion. They told us all about the wars, the racial terrorist groups, and the division of the people. They, however, forget to add all the positive things that happened because of religion, because of the faith they have. Then we had a small break. I started to talk to the girl next to me. She was a major Goth. Her name was Rachel.  
  
"So, why are you here?" she drawled. It sounded to me that she had a Southern US accent.  
  
"My parents made me go," I said, "What about you?"  
  
"Same reason. My older brother was caught for being a Christian. Didn't want me to be one too." She explained.  
  
"I'm sorry about your brother." I said.  
  
"No need, at least that's what my 'rents say. He got what he deserved."  
  
"What do you think? Honesty?" I asked slowly. She looked at me funny.  
  
"What you mean? He's a Jesus Freak. He got what he deserves!"  
  
"But you honestly believe that?" her eyes began to well up with tears.  
  
"No... he's just a normal guy!" but before we got to talk farther the session started again.  
  
Then we learnt, in great detail the events of W.W. III. I learnt something that I didn't know. Supposedly they were going to make a one- world religion, but the Leader from the North shot the idea down. He said religion, in any form, was dangerous. So then I asked a question. Few people had asked questions this morning.  
  
"Why did everyone just accept that there would be no religion?" he looked at me and smiled.  
  
"Because everyone was so sick of wars, they were so sick of blood- shed and everyone was so sick of pain. They knew that for hundreds of years there were wars because of religion, it was so much easier that it was all given up." He replied.  
  
"Why didn't everyone agree in a one- world? That would have stopped wars, pain and the like." I asked. The teacher sighed.  
  
"Because one of the great Leaders thought otherwise." He said shortly.  
  
"But it's obvious that tons of people want religion. Why else would the government, still, go gung- ho on the anti- religion?" I quizzed. The teacher sighed.  
  
"Because they are stubborn. Amelia, may I continue?"  
  
"No. I don't understand! Why on earth would people just give up their beliefs, their faith, their life without a fight?" I cried. Rachel nodded next to me.  
  
"I don't understand either. There are so many people now that refuse to give up their faith, why did everyone agree last time? It's so hard to believe!" Rachel said. The teacher shook his head.  
  
"Those people now who have faith in God are enemies of our Earth. Since the end of religion there haven't been any wars. The people wanted peace! Those, Christians, those freaks want to destroy our peace! Our love for each other!"  
  
"But Christians believe in peace! They believe in love!" Rachel cried. She began to cry, her black makeup began run down her face.  
  
"Rachel, are you a Christian?" the teacher asked.  
  
"No, sir."  
  
"Then how do you know all this?"  
  
"My brother..." she whispered.  
  
"And my sister both hold this belief of love and truth yet they were Christians. Love your neighbour as yourself, that's what Jesus Christ said. That sure doesn't sound like something someone who is against love would say." I said.  
  
"'But he does not hesitate to punish and destroy those who hate him' Deuteronomy 7:10- that's in the Christian Bible. Doesn't that sound like one of love and peace?" Some of the class agreed with him.  
  
"But my brother... he often spoke of the peace that God brings... I do not believe that the Christian God brings hate." Rachel whispered.  
  
"By the end of the day, child, you will think differently." Then the teacher carried on with his lesson.  
  
I think... I will go talk to Rachel now. I have to tell her the Good News... I won't be scared.  
  
LORD ALLOW ME TO BRAVE IN YOU! HELP ME SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia After Supper  
  
Diary,  
  
*sigh* Thank God I'm home! The rest of the afternoon wasn't as bad. Pretty much all that was talked about was tomorrow and what the Leaders will do once they are in our city. I already knew most of it from David! Anyway I didn't get a chance to talk to Rachel. She was talking to a bunch of other teenagers so I didn't really get a chance. I really hope I get another chance to see her again. I over heard her say that she was invited to the ball tomorrow! I am glad that I can't go! Unfortunately David has to go. Since tomorrow night is the night that his dad gets promoted in the government. David called me an hour ago. He asked if I wanted to go with him. I said no way! Theirs is no way on Earth you would get me to go there. He sounded a little upset when I told him that but I figure it's because he doesn't want to suffer through it alone! I don't want to see all those innocent people die... I don't want to see Sam died. I've seen to many people I care about die. During the workshop they told us that tomorrow night over half of the jailed Christians would be killed. Our teacher said some will be shot, others hanged and the rest, if the Leaders permit, might be crucified! I don't want to see that... I have no clue how David can watch that! I feel bad for him... maybe I should have gone. *gee darn* it's too late for that! Hey! The phone is ringing!  
  
-Mia  
  
Evening  
  
Diary,  
  
That was just Daniel. I just got chewed out for not going tomorrow with David.  
  
"David really wants you to go!" Daniel cried.  
  
"I don't! I don't want to see people die! I don't want to see my brothers and sisters die... I don't want to see Sam die." I whispered that last statement.  
  
"Mia you can't hide from this forever. I have decided once the Leaders leave I'm taking a stand! I'm going to make our web page again and I am going to make it as public as possible! I want to have the whole world to know that Jesus is the Truth, the Way and the Light! I will not be afraid!" Daniel declared. I wonder if his parents were around to hear his speech?  
  
"Daniel, damn it! I want to, too! But I can't go tomorrow! I don't think I'm strong enough! Do you know how close I came to blowing it today? I was so close to telling my bloody teacher that I was a Christian!" I cried. My parents heard that...  
  
"Maybe God wanted you too!"  
  
"He wants me dead! What good am I to Him if I'm dead?"  
  
"Who knows? But if you avoid your callings from Him you are no good to anyone!" Daniel cried. I started to cry then, "Oh Mia... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so harsh."  
  
"It's not you... Daniel... why are I so afraid? Why can't I trust God like you or David?"  
  
"I don't know Mia. A lot of people have trouble trusting God. Look at the apostles, as long as Jesus was with them they didn't believe Him. They were afraid when He calmed the waters, they were very afraid when He was arrested. Yet the Son always forgave them."  
  
"Daniel... why aren't you afraid?"  
  
"I am. Dave asked me to go to the party with him. I declined too. Mia, you are brave too I think. You wanted to continue with the website idea even through Anne and Matthew thought otherwise. You stayed with Jocelyn when she was arrested. You could have run but you didn't. You helped her when she called. You stand up for your beliefs and you strengthen others when they fall. Now you are tripping and now you need you and, Mia, I promise you that I will help you stand again."  
  
"Thank- you Daniel."  
  
"Can we pray? Dear Lord, I thank you repeatedly for Your help and guidance ever since we have became Your children. We thank you for Your help when we built a website in honour of You and Your Son. Lord, times now are very scary for Your kids. We are being killed and sometime we have trouble being strong and trusting you. I pray that You keep all Your children strong in times of weakness. I really pray that You help Mia with her fears and You will hold her up and allow her to do what You want her to do. I also pray for David. Please protect him tomorrow; as he will be with the Leaders, the ones who wish to kill Your church. I pray for Anne and Matthew and prayed that You will help them with their journey in you. In Jesus' name, amen."  
  
"Amen..." I saw my dad looking at me. I don't think he was too happy with what just want on. Daniel and I got off the phone soon after.  
  
-Mia  
  
With a loud command and with the shout of the chief angel and a blast of God's trumpet, the Lord will return from heaven. Then those who had faith in Christ before they died will be raised to life. Next, all of us who are still alive will be taken up into the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the sky. From that time on we will all be with the Lord forever. Encourage each other with these words. 1 Thessalonians 4:16- 18  
  
1st period  
  
Diary,  
  
Sorry, I haven't written all weekend. I've been kind of depressed. Saturday night was the night my sister was suppose to have... died. I don't know if she's one of them who died or not and my parents won't let me find out. I wonder if they even care? I really wanted to study my Bible this weekend but my parents kept a close eye on me so it was hard. I was able to get some studying done late Saturday night and early Sunday morning. I really missed church on Sunday. I wanted to be with God so much! I know He's with us all the time but, well, at least I have always felt that when I'm with a group of believers, He makes His presence so much strong. It's like He's smiling down at us. I also really wanted to talk with Daniel and David. Especially David. But every time I got a chance (after I had to convince my parents to allow me to use the phone) to call him his dad would tell me that David wasn't feeling well and would tell me to call back later. After the fourth time I called Daniel.  
  
"Yeah, I've been calling David too and he won't talk." Daniel told me.  
  
"What do you think is wrong with David?" I asked.  
  
"I don't know. I'll call Matthew and Anne after. Maybe they know what's up."  
  
"I'm sure about that. David seems to be distancing himself from those two." I argued. Daniel called me back later. Matthew and Anne didn't know anything. Daniel and I tried to find him this him this morning but we couldn't. I wonder if he's even at school... or maybe he's avoiding us! Maybe something really bad happened Saturday night and... STOP. Don't worry... I'm sure everything is okay... just think about something... anything else.  
  
Anyway, according to our teachers we're having an assembly during second period. She says that the Leader of the North is coming and going to talk to us. I'm a little nervous about that. But I'm more worried about David. Later.  
  
-Mia  
  
Period 2  
  
Diary,  
  
I only have a few minutes to write but I found David! I was walking down the hall to this class and I saw him. I called out his name but he completely ignored me and continued to walk away from me! I tore down the hall and grabbed his arm. I looked him straight in the eye and said, "David." I would never tell him this but he looked awful! He had bags under his eyes and he was pale. His hair looked like it hadn't been washed for a long time.  
  
"Mia." He said. Without thinking I wrapped him in a hug. It seemed like the thing to do.  
  
"David... what is wrong?" I asked.  
  
"Nothing." He replied. I didn't believe him and told him so.  
  
"Listen, at lunch, can I talk to you? Please," I asked. David nodded, "I'll meet you at your locker." Then we parted.  
  
PLEASE LORD, HELP DAVID WITH HIS PROBLEMS. PLEASE KEEP HIM STRONG. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? (Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.") No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8: 35- 39  
  
After school  
  
Diary,  
  
I have so much to write down. Okay, starting at the assembly. Our whole school poured into the gym. I found Daniel and sat with him. I updated him with the David situation while we waited for the assembly to start. We also kept our eyes open for him but we didn't see him. Then the lights dimmed (we have a small stage in our gym) and the curtains opened. The Leader of the North walked onto the stage. He stopped in front of the microphone. He said nothing and the students were absolutely quiet.  
  
"Hello students of-" but the crowd cheered so loud you couldn't even hear him name our school. He raised a hand and the students automatically stopped cheering.  
  
"For all those who don't know I am the Leader of the North. I am your own personal prime minister," Again there was cheering, hand, silence, "but few people know my name. At my birth my mother called me Peter." Daniel leaned over to me and whispered, "Just like the disciple who denied Jesus."  
  
"But I would doubt that this Peter will repent and spread the Word and love of Jesus Christ." Daniel nodded.  
  
"As you all should know that all four Leaders arrived in your beautiful city (cheers, hand, silence) Saturday. There was a wonderful ball, which I'm sure I saw some of you there! Also that night could be seen as a sad night. My heart still cries from that night. All those people had to die. I would have given my own life if I could have stopped it," All I could think was 'Why didn't you?' "But I also must realise it is for the best. I get many letters everyday from young children not understanding why people they know are dying by our- my- hands. It is never easy to answer them. Christians are the lowest form of life there is! They refuse to assist us in keeping the world peaceful! They insist to live their lives against the normal peaceful way of life! Their own Bible tells them to hate- yes hate!- the world! They do not respond to peaceful ways against them! Hell! They don't even crease when we kill them! They are the sole reason for our world's sadness, for our world's pain, for our world's suffering! They don't care! They won't stop! Our government cannot do anymore. So I implore your help. Please, if you know any one who is a Christian, alert the police. If you are a Christian and you realize the errors of your ways, we will help you!  
  
"Unfortunately people don't turn in their family members or friends and Christians don't see that they are wrong so I need some people to help me, to help your world, to help keep the peace! Please if you want to help come join me on the stage!" I turned to Daniel and grinned.  
  
"Otherwise, if you want to be part of the Secret Police, come on up!" I whispered. Daniel tried not to laugh but failed. Heart-wrenchingly about 300 students ran to the stage. All those who "weren't willing to keep Earth peaceful" were allowed to return to class. After that little propaganda statement another 100 students stayed back. Almost 1/2 of our school stayed behind. I wonder how many will actually participate? Anyway, that's what happened with the assembly.  
  
At lunch Daniel decided it would be better if he stayed away. He went to the library instead. I went to David's locker. If it was possible he looked even worst! Again I hugged David. I think I surprised him with all the hugs I've been giving him! I just figure that people feel better after receiving a hug. I know I do! Anyway I took him to the little park we have behind the school and we sat on the swings.  
  
"So what happened?" I asked. David shrugged.  
  
"Nothing." He muttered.  
  
"Come on. Was it because of the ball?" David's face seemed vacant, "Please David, talk to me."  
  
"I'm praying night and day since I came home. I would think my parents suspect but they are so carried away with my dad's promotion they don't even notice me. Mia? Do you understand what it feels like when God abandons you?"  
  
"But David, God hasn't abandoned you! He loves you!" I cried.  
  
"I know. But those martyrs... did they? When they were shot, when they were crucified, when they were hung, did they know?  
  
"I'm sure they did! Sam did..."  
  
"I saw her..." I froze. David saw my sister. That means she was one of those who died... I had so many questions burning in my head.  
  
"Her last words were 'He will not falter or be discouraged 'till He established justice on Earth.' Isaiah 42:2"  
  
"How did she... die?" I whispered.  
  
"They shot her. The people, my own parents who taught me to respect other people, laughed and cheered. I can't say I would be so strong. Mia, I don't care about myself. What were they thinking? Eloi, Eloi lema sabachtani?"  
  
"God never forsaken anyone!" I cried, "Jesus knew that! He wasn't questioning God, and I totally believed anyone who is willing to die for their faith knows God would never leave them!"  
  
"Are you willing to die for Jesus?" that took me by surprise, "I have to question that myself. I love Jesus but... I worry. I'm sorry before that I doubted your faith in God." He surprised me again as small tears began to run down his face.  
  
"David it's okay. We all doubt ourselves. Remember what James wrote, 'if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him' God will make us strong in Him." David just looked at him.  
  
"Thank- you, Mia. May I tell you what happened at the party?" I nodded. I really wanted to know about my sister. David drew a deep breath.  
  
"The ball room was decorated like a palace. I thought I was in a castle or something. Everyone was in tuxedos or a grown. The tables were on the sides of the room, and there was a dance floor in the middle. In the front- middle of the room was a stage. In a half circle on the stage were the crosses. We sat right next the table with the Leaders. Did you know the Leader from the South is a woman? They were the last to arrive. I was actually forced to shake their hands. You know, Mia, I tried my best to see them like God does but all I saw were horrible hateful creatures. I felt like puking.  
  
"They went up and gave a grand speech, much like the one "Peter" did. They told us that we were the best of the best, cream of the crop and such," David sounded bitter, "so again it was like 'please help us fight the good fight'. Then before dinner they brought out some religious non- believers. Some of them were beaten up. They were told to give up their religion then told to leave. Since there were buns on the table, some people threw them at the fleeing people. My dad laughed and said, 'if they were under my care they wouldn't get away.' Then we had supper. I'm sure it was good but to me everything tasted like cardboard. There were roasted potatoes, shrimp, salad, and some sort of pasta. Thee were chicken, ham and pork. There was enough food to feed the 3rd world countries. I doubt we even made a dent in the food. I started to pray then. I asked God if He could help me get through this. I begged Him for His help. My parents didn't even notice that I barely touched the food. At one point I couldn't stop starring at the crosses. I wondered how I was going to survive watching the people die without losing my sanity? My mom woke me up from my gaze and when I looked at my dinner plate, l swear it was covered in martyr's blood." He paused then. Our lunch break was over but there was no way either one of us were going to leave. David moved off the swing and we sat on the ground. For a couple minutes he said nothing. I think he was praying, calling for strength.  
  
"Then all the food was cleared away and the first group of Christians were brought in... they nailed them to the crosses. Some cried, others yelled praises to the Lord until the guards were ordered to gag them. Then they brought out dessert. This time I thought I was going to puke for real. I ran to the bathroom. I looked awful. I know I still do. The nightmares haunt me. I was shaking. I gulped some water. I locked myself in a stall and prayed. That's all I could do... but I didn't cry... not yet. Finally I got my strength back and returned.  
  
"Dessert was cleared away and the guards shot the Christians on the cross and took them down. My parents didn't say a sword to me. Then the Leaders returned to the stage. They made some stupid comment on the blood stained crosses they left up. Then they had the official ceremony for my dad and a few others's promotion. Yea for my dad. To celebrate..." he paused. I took his hand and squeezed it. 'Thank- you Lord for not making me go. Please Lord help David. He's really shaken up and needs help. Please.' I prayed silently.  
  
"To celebrate they brought more Christians. I recognized your sister right away. She looked just like you... I could have sworn you were twins. I thought... just for a moment... Oh Lord! Help me!" he began to cry. I hugged him I had no clue what to do.  
  
"I thought it was you," He whispered, "She was so strong and through her bruises and scares she glowed. Like some of the others she yelled out praises for God. Mia, she wasn't scared. She was so happy. Mia, I'm sorry I didn't help her..."  
  
"It's okay David. This isn't your fault." I told him. Again he stayed silent for a few minutes.  
  
"After that they cleared off the bodies and set up the band. People began to dance. It was like nothing happened. I sat there at the table for the longest time. At one point this girl; rather Goth- ish came up to me. She asked me to dance. I declined. How could one dance after that? She told me her name was Rachel. I asked her why she was dressed like she was mourning."  
  
"I know her! She was at the workshop!" I cried.  
  
"A small world. She told me she wanted to rebel against the world. I think she wants Jesus. Mia, I am so weak. I could have witnessed to her but instead I said nothing because I was scared and depressed." Then I whispered something that both of us needed to hear, "Because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" David looked up at me. He grabbed both of my hands.  
  
"Lord, both Mia and I are scared. We are not as strong in You as we thought. We are in need of Your help. Please Lord... use us... use us together. In Your Sons' name. Amen." He looked at me. I smiled. I was crying too. We both felt the Holy Spirit run through us.  
  
"Rachel left after that. I hung out by myself. A couple of hours before the end of the ball, the remaining Christians were brought out. They were hanged. Everyone cheered and praised the Leaders. Then we went home. I went directly to my room. I refused to come out until this morning. I didn't want food, I didn't want to talk to anyone and I think if you didn't insist on talking to me I would have returned to my room and hide there again. Thank- you Mia." I smiled.  
  
"It's okay David. That's what I'm here for." By that time 4th period was over.  
  
Aie! I want to finish up what happened with the Secret Police Students but my wrist is killing me! I write after supper...  
  
-Mia  
  
After Supper  
  
Diary, Okay... what a day. So I went to my last period class. There was a lot of sad faces in my class. Daniel and Anne are in my class.  
  
"What's with everyone moping?" I asked as I sat down. Anne looked at me strangly.  
  
"Mia, for Pete's sake, why are you such a flake?" she asked.  
  
"These people weren't the right material for keeping our Earth safe." Daniel replied. Okay so that made same sense.  
  
"Mia, what's wrong with you?" Anne asked, "You are so pale and sick looking." Daniel nodded. I guess talking with David drained me out. Not that I wouldn't do it again, I would in a second!  
  
"Um..." I didn't want Anne to know what was up with David. Anne rolled her eyes. I'm sure Daniel understood because he made sure that the issue wasn't pressed. Anyway about 100 students were chosen and will be back next week. I'm a little depressed now. I'm worried about David; I worried about the students on the retreat. I think I'm going to read my Bible. Later. -Mia  
  
1st period  
  
Diary, David decided to talk to us this morning... that sounded bad. He hung out with us. He whispered thanks to me when I hugged him this morning.  
  
"So what does Matt and Anne know?" he asked us. I shrugged.  
  
"I didn't tell them a thing," I laughed, "Daniel barely knows anything." David nodded.  
  
"Good, I really rather that they didn't know anything. I doubt they would understand." He said. So my speculation is true. David is puling away from the other two. I should ask him why... not that I blame him! -Mia  
  
Don't forget about those in prison. Suffer with them as though you were there yourself. Share the sorrow of those being mistreated, as though you feel their pain in your own bodies. Hebrews 13:3  
  
After School  
  
Diary, I was on my own at lunch. Daniel and David had their own talk. What I got from David, that even Daniel still doesn't know the whole story. Anyway Daniel has a very bad idea. Since Anne is the only one with parents who are both Christians, he wants a little 'let's get together and cheer up David' party over there. That party I'm all for (if I can convince my mom and dad to let me go) but at Anne's? And Matthew will be there too? I don't like. I told Daniel so but he thinks it's a wonderful idea. Fine, so be it. I want to see David happy... I'm actually having mixed feelings about David and me lately. I wonder if... I like him. And if he likes me. Argh! I don't want to even go down that road right now... maybe when there is a little less heat on us Christians. Later, Diary! -Mia  
  
After School (Thursday)  
  
Diary, It's more like after supper but whatever. Dad and I were watching the News. Remember that net group, Underground Resistance? Anyway, they finally sent their petition to the Leaders for the One World Religion. And, from a public announcement from the Leaders, they said they would consider it and they are planning to have a conference with the organizers of the group! But I wonder if maybe they are just saying that and in fact planning to kill them? Maybe not since they are not Christian... PLEASE LORD; LET THE BEAUTY AND TRUTH OF YOUR WORD COME OUT. ALLOW EVERYONE TO KNOW WHO YOU, YOUR SON, AND YOUR SPIRIT ARE AND LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU HAVE THE ONLY TRUE RELIGION. IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN. -Mia  
  
1st period  
  
Diary, It's been a week since the Secret Police Students (okay so that's not the official name) left and today is their first day at school. So during 2nd period we will have an assembly to honour their return. I'm so excited (not). -Mia  
  
After school  
  
Diary, What the heck? Well, you could say the party is off. I am so angry right now! Guess who is a part of the SPS (I really need to find out the real name)? Our dear friend Matthew!  
  
So David, Daniel and I were sitting together. The assembly was started with the arrival of the Leader of the North.  
  
"Welcome again," he laughed, "I'm glad to be back (cheers). Since I was last here we selected students who would help me and the other Leaders protect the world from rebels. I would like for you to greet the students!" He began to clap. The hundred students came out. The male students came out in black dress pants, white dress shirt, on top of that they wore a black blazer. If they weren't agents of the devil I would say some of the guys were cute! The female students came out, they, too, wore white dress shirts and black jackets and a black kilt. David leaned over to me, "Do you see him?" I searched the row. I didn't see anyone I should have known.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Matthew." I looked again. Okay, well maybe one of the guys looked like him.  
  
It wasn't until lunch when we found if Matthew was up there. We were going to go outside because it was a really nice day. Anne and Matthew walked up to us. Matthew was decked out in that SPS uniform. Daniel glared at Matthew.  
  
"Matthew! What the hell are you doing?" he cried.  
  
"Undercover, Dan. I'm undercover."  
  
"So you are working for the devil? Or have you always been?"  
  
"Daniel! I'm insulted I can give you the heads up." Anne agreed.  
  
"Matthew, I have the heads up and I don't have to work for the devil." David said. Matthew shrugged.  
  
"David, Daniel, I know what I'm doing. He grabbed Anne's hand and walked away. I can't understand why he would do that. LORD, KEEP MATTHEW STRONG. DON'T ALLOW MATTHEW TO FALL AWAY FROM YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. -Mia  
  
Evening  
  
Diary, Aie. Mom finally got wind of the SPS group. She chewed me out for not taking a chance to join.  
  
"Did you pay attention to that workshop?" she cried.  
  
"I did, mother." I said.  
  
"Then do you see that you're beliefs are wrong?" she asked. Dad stepped into the kitchen, where we were arguing.  
  
"I know my beliefs aren't wrong! Jesus is the only way to heaven. He is the Truth!" I objected. My dad cleared his throat. Mom ignored him.  
  
"I have half the idea to turn you in!" she cried. I began to cry silently.  
  
"Excuse me?" Dad tried to interject.  
  
"What?" Mom cried. Dad flinched.  
  
"Honey, calm down. I just came in here to report that the conference about making a One World Religion. I'd thought you guys might want to watch it, as it will be aired tonight." Dad touched my shoulder. I mumbled thanks and ran up to my room.  
  
OH LORD, I'M SCARED! PLEASE KEEP ME SAFE... REVEAL YOUR LOVE AND YOUR WORD TO MY PARENTS... ALLOW YOUR GLORY SHINE. IN YOUR SONS' NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
Afternoon  
  
Diary, I spent most of my morning on the phone with David (mom went out shopping and dad doesn't really care). We talked about the conference. They didn't show most of the meeting but the final decision was to be decided later. The four Leaders would be making the religion then they will decided whether or not the people should believe in it or not. We so enjoyed that the Leaders think we are machines that will believe in whatever they tell us to, whenever they say so. This whole thing made David and I just sick. We are sure they will pick just the good parts of every religion and probably will choose themselves to be worshipped. It's depressing.  
  
I also told him what happened between my mom and me last night. He told me if I ever needed a place to go because mom was going to have me arrested, that he would take me in. I told him thanks, but I hope that will never come to that. Then we discussed Matthew. We both figure all we can do is pray for him. Then we hung up. I think I'm going to avoid mom this weekend.  
  
-Mia.  
  
2nd period  
  
Diary,  
  
Not only is Matthew working for the Devil, he sold his soul to him! Remember a couple weeks ago we were all looking for more Christians in the school, well Matthew and Anne were able to find some. It turned out that there was a "raid" of Christian homes. A lot of the SPS came along with the real police. Apparently it was Matthew who gave away most the names. I wonder he didn't give away David, Daniel and mine name. I should be thankful that we are safe... later. -Mia  
  
4th period  
  
Diary, At lunch David, Daniel and I were sitting together outside when Anne and Matthew came up to us.  
  
"Hey." They greeted us. Daniel glared at them. Daniel use to be standing up for them and was really close but since Matthew joined the SPS, he has been really cold to them.  
  
"I have nothing to say to you." Daniel snapped. Matthew smiled.  
  
"Come on, man, I did what I had to." he replied. I just noticed then that he was holding Anne's hand. Were they going out now?  
  
"Why must you betray your brothers?" Daniel demanded. Matthew shrugged.  
  
"Doesn't the Bible teach 'love your enemies'?" I felt sick. He sounded just like that teacher at the workshop! Throwing around Scripture to back up their case!  
  
"But at the expense of your brothers?" Matthew, Anne, do you truly believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that he was raised from the dead?" Daniel asked.  
  
"Yeah, sure." he said.  
  
"Please, repent and leave the Devil's work!" David pleaded. Anne sighed.  
  
"Geez, you act like we were the one's killing the Christians!"  
  
"Anne, they will die because Matthew revealed their names!" I cried. How on Earth could they not see that they did something majorly wrong?  
  
"Not necessarily," Matthew stated, "If the One World Religion comes in, then they can worship legally." The three of sighed. We could argue with them forever and they wouldn't change their minds. Had they no clue that the Christians would only live if they worshipped what the Leaders said? Arg!  
  
LORD, I AM WORRIED ABOUT MATTHEW AND ANNE. I FEAR THAT THEY ARE NOT IN YOU ANYMORE... I AM WORRIED THAT THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR WORD, YOUR LOVE. PLEASE LORD, IF IT IS YOUR WILL; PLEASE BRING THEM BACK TO YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. -Mia  
  
After Supper  
  
Diary, I am shocked. The leaders have returned with their decision about the World Religion. They decided to have one. Further details about the rules and beliefs will be announced later. I wonder how will anyone believe in a religion that is clearly man made? What credential does it hold? Especially about the after life? I guess I will find that out later. Anyway, they will reveal the symbols tomorrow. LORD I BEG YOU YO PLEASE SAVE THIS WORLD... I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY... AMEN. -Mia  
  
Afternoon  
  
Diary, I'm at home, in bed. I called my mom and asked her if I could come home at lunch. This morning, during 2nd period, we had to listen to the radio, or in David's class they watched it on TV. The symbols were showed then. There are several. One is a drop of blood. That shows that everyone is one, we are all alive. I don't remember all the symbols but the last one made me sick. It was a cross. Okay, Diary, I know you are wondering why I am disgusted at the cross, the Christian sign of hope and love. But the stupid Leaders have changed our sign of salvation to one of torture! We all know during the first century that the cross was used to kill people and was a fearful sign and now the Leaders of invoking that message again. They said they one caught practicing another religion will be crucified. They said that tomorrow that would be giving out little crosses on necklaces to people who wish to join their religion. I suppose that tomorrow they will tell us the beliefs of the religion.  
  
Diary, I am getting very depressed. I feel lost. Everything is getting so much worst... Lord... please save your Earth... please!  
  
-Mia  
  
1st period  
  
Diary, I'm back at school. David called me last night.  
  
"I was worried about you. Daniel said you didn't show up last period."  
  
"Thanks... I'm fine." I didn't want to talk to him. I guess wanted to sleep. I never felt so horrible in my life.  
  
"Mia... please talk to me about what is wrong." He asked.  
  
"It's nothing really. I'm going to sleep until tomorrow." David was quiet.  
  
"I know how you feel. It doesn't go away but you can't push away your friends. I know that now."  
  
"Are you still... upset?" How could I forget he witnessed some Christians' deaths? Sam's death? I scolded myself for being sad. I had no right. I was just worrying. I should trust God more. Here I am thinking I am getting stronger in my walk with the Lord, when actually I'm falling back like a thousand steps. I am weak.  
  
"Yes I am upset. But knowing that you and Daniel care about me helps. Also I have memorized Isaiah 41: 10. 'So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand'." Do not be dismayed... Lord I am trying! But so many people will die because they love You! Lord, you don't know how much I want to be with You.  
  
"Isaiah 41:10... got it. Honesty, David, I'm peachy." Just leave me alone. I want to be alone. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. David didn't seem to understand.  
  
"Amelia!" Was I in trouble? "I completely understand how you feel. I know the worry. I know you want to be alone. Please don't push me away. I want to be with you through this. I want you to be with me." I began to cry.  
  
"I can't take it! I am not strong enough! Matt and Anne will turn us in! I hate pain... I don't want to betray Jesus. David, it hurts to even think of betraying Him! But I feel that I am when I worry. This new religion is nothing but the work of the Devil and he will try to destroy us all! I can't take..." I cried. Now I should mention I am in the kitchen when this is happening. Dear mom and dad are in the next room over watching TV. I bet you they were listening every word. I bet you once I put down my pen, they will walk in here. They don't understand anything.  
  
"I know," his voice was so quiet, "but we have no choice. We have to be strong... when we can't Jesus will make us strong. If we are put under that trial of being forced to give Him up or not, He will help us. Hebrews 3:14 says we will hold out until the end." David whispered. How did we become so... broken? So weak? When we fell, we did. How beautiful it is that Jesus will hold us up. How wonderful it is that He will cloth us in His righteousness. How awful it is that not everyone knows this or if they do, not all will accept His offer of life. How pathetic humans truly are. It's strange... all day in my mind's eye all I saw was darkness. Darkness brought on by the Leaders, my parents, the students and depression. Now I see light and Jesus is that light. Do not fear, I am with you. Thank- you my Lord, Jesus Christ.  
  
"Til the end." I whispered. I, then, promised him that I would go to school tomorrow. We promised each other that we would go to each other when we had a problem. We would also go to Daniel too. We hung up then. I am so glad that Jesus brought those friends to m. I'm so glad I have Jesus! -Mia.  
  
"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than they are. Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not. "And why worry about your clothes? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith! "So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6:25- 34  
  
Before Supper  
  
Diary, David continued to watch over me today. He knows I wanted to be alone but he, who was also feeling the same, know friends cheer people up. I know he cares but I'll be fine!  
  
Anyway I came home, kicked off my shoes and was about to walk into my room when I heard my parents talking in their room.  
  
"I think we should let her live with my sister." Okay... that was my mom. I paused... who were they talking about? My parents' door was closed.  
  
"Is that necessary?" dad asked.  
  
"You heard her this weekend! She's depressed. Perhaps if she had a different setting..." Oh... they are talking about me.  
  
"Maybe we should lighten up on her. Before we found out, she was happier."  
  
"The presence of the Leaders, probably aren't helping," mom said, "Listen I'm going to call my sister, see if she will take Mia." At that time I went to my room. So my parents want to send me away.  
  
PLEASE LORD... MAKE THINGS BETTER. -Mia  
  
After Supper  
  
Diary, Daniel called me tonight. We haven't talked on the phone for a while. We just talked about stupid things. I didn't mention what my parents said. Daniel said that he has been watching the news and there has been no word about the new religion. He said that the news reported on how excited the people are about this religion. I don't understand how people are willing to accept this false religion. Sigh. Okay, later!  
  
-Mia  
  
Evening  
  
Diary, I think mom is going to let me ungrounded. I've asked her to let me go to "Daniel's" tomorrow. She agreed. We (Dan, Dave and I) will actually go to Steve's! I've haven't gone to church is so long. Daniel told me that Anne and Matthew use to go to Steve's church all the time but the past couple of weeks they haven't. I pray that they find the Lord again.  
  
Anyway, my aunt, uncle and little cousin are over now. They live in England and they will stay here this weekend. My uncle is a huge supporter of the Leaders. He hopes to see them this weekend and then they are off to Toronto! My little cousin is two years old and she is so cute. Her blonde curly hair is always in pigtails and she is always smiling.  
  
Anyway I was in my room "studying" when my aunt and uncle came over. Lydia loves me! She ran straight to my room. Luckily I heard them come in so I was able to hide my Bible. Lydia jumped on my bed.  
  
"Mia!" she cried, wrapping me in a hug. When the hug was finished I noticed that she wore a little silver cross. I was very surprised to see that but I kept my surprise from her.  
  
"Wow Lydia! That's a pretty cross. Who gave that to you?"  
  
"Papa!" she replied. That was strange. Uncle Lenny was a huge supporter, why would he give his little girl a Christian cross? Unless...  
  
"Lydia, what does that cross mean?" I asked.  
  
"Freedom!" she clapped her hands.  
  
"From what?"  
  
"Uh... dis... a... dents?"  
  
"Dissidents?" Lydia nodded, pleased that I followed exactly what she said.  
  
"Lydia, want to know a secret about that cross?" I whispered. Lydia nodded and snuggled into my lap.  
  
"But you have to keep it a secret! You can't tell mommy or daddy... understand?" Again my cousin nodded.  
  
"That cross also means freedom from death." I said. I didn't understand what I was doing. If Lydia told her dad, I would be dead. Lydia's eyes were wide. I couldn't go back now... I had to trust God. Do not be dismayed.  
  
"Death?" she whispered.  
  
"Yup! That cross represents a promise that a very important man gave."  
  
"Jesus!" she clapped. Uh? Now I was very confused. How did she know that? Unless...  
  
"Who taught you about Jesus?" I asked.  
  
"Mommy! Jesus lives forever and ever in Heaven!" I nodded and smiled. Aunt Jan was a Christian? I hugged my cousin.  
  
"I'm glad you know."  
  
"Mia, why is Jesus a secret? Mommy told me not to tell daddy. You said the same thing."  
  
"Well, people who believe in Jesus are said that they don't want peace and happiness. Lydia, that isn't true. We want love and peace, because that what Jesus wants." Lydia nodded.  
  
"Yeah! Then daddy should know!" she jumped to her feet. Not good.  
  
"I think your mommy will tell him when she's ready." Lydia pouted. I grabbed her hand and then we went down to the rest of the family.  
  
Lydia didn't say anything tonight about Jesus. Aunt Jan is my mom's sister. I wonder if my parents decide to send me away if I can go with her? Of course there is always my mom's older sister- Stephanie. I recall the last time I spoke with her that she was trying to get a job as secretary of the Leaders. I'm pretty sure she's a loyal supporter of the Leaders. That sucks.  
  
PLEASE LORD WATCH OVER ME. PLEASE WATCH OVER DAVID, DANIEL, AUNT JAN AND LYDIA. WATCH OVER ALL YOUR CHILDREN. WE LOVE YOU WITH OUR WHOLE HEART AND WE NEED YOU. THANK YOU FOR SAVING US AND BEING OUR LORD. THANK YOU FOR CARING ABOUT US; EVEN THROUGH IT'S IN OUR NATURE TO SIN AGAINST YOU. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
Before Supper  
  
Diary, Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh... thank God! I feel so lucky! I doubt that I will ever forget this day. Okay so I went to Daniel's at nine o'clock. Church begins at ten. I dropped off my backpack off at his house. I pulled out my "chemistry" binder, he pulled out his "history" binder then we went outside to wait for David. He arrived at 9:30 in his yellow convertible. For his sixteenth birthday his parents brought him a car. His parents have a lot of money.  
  
Anyway, I sat up in front with David and Daniel sat in the back with our Bibles. We had to park a block away from Steve's. Steve was happy to see that I've returned to church. The three of us spilt up into that everyone would have excess to a Bible. Daniel promised Steve that after the service he would give him the address of where we got our Bibles.  
  
At ten o'clock exactly Steve started the service. We sang Amazing Grace, Awesome God, songs from DC Talk and a few other Christian bands. I think when I have a chance I might look up other Christian hymns. Steve took his place up in the front of us.  
  
"Okay I have a few announcements. First, praise the Lord that I have left my job for a couple of weeks now and it seems that they believed my story. Also I am moving in a couple of weeks. I will be telling everyone my new address soon. Don't worry, I won't be moving far. Okay, one final announcement, remember if you have a Bible share it with someone who doesn't. I should be getting access to some shortly. Let's pray..." We then repented of our sins and asked God for protection during our time of worship. Steve then began the sermon. I can't even remember what that was about. We didn't get very far into it when there was a knock on the door. I glanced at David from across the room. He looked at my bag and nodded. I understood. If it was necessary, hide the Bibles in my bag. I had a bad feeling about this. I shivered. 'Oh Lord,' I prayed, 'don't let this be what I fear it is...' Steve put a finger to his lips and walked to the door.  
  
"Steven Crager?" a voice called from the other side of the door, "Open up!" He raised a hand, revealing four fingers. We had been through this before. Usually Steve would tell us if there would a drill that day. The four fingers might that we leave the room at four at a time. The four youngest jumped to their feet.  
  
"What?" Steve called out sleepily. The four creped upstairs. An older male, I think his name is Jeremiah, went to the back to see if police surrounded the house. David walked over to me.  
  
"Do you think this is real?" he whispered. I took his Bible and put his and mine into my bag.  
  
"I hope not... I pray not!" I answered. He took my hand and squeezed.  
  
"Mr. Crager, let us in." he turned to us, I noticed some fear in his eyes, this was real, and mouthed, "Go." Panic seized the remaining believers. Daniel joined us. Everyone else either ran upstairs or downstairs into hiding. Steve ran to us.  
  
"Go! This isn't a drill! Save yourselves!" he hissed. We ran into the kitchen. We then saw Jeremiah being arrested and being dragged out of the backyard. Steve opened the door. Several cops rushed into the living room. We hurried to the back stoop. I heard Steve being slammed into the floor.  
  
"You're under arrest, Christian sleaze bag!" a cop said. I looked back. My vision blurred with tears. David took my hand again.  
  
"Mia, we have to get out of here." He whispered. We began to walk across the background. We were planning to jump over the neighbour's fence.  
  
"Hey!" we whirled around. Several cops stood at the backdoor. Some police officers were heading downstairs. David squeezed tighter on my hand. I don't think he was even aware he was doing that. Our fellow believers were going to get caught. Daniel waved at the cop and began to move again. David and I followed. The cop, for what I heard, opened the door and pulled out his gun. We were at the fence... have I ever mentioned that I suck at climbing fences? Daniel quickly got over the chain link fence.  
  
"Go!" David told me.  
  
"Stop!" the officer cried and shot a warning shot. I tried to climb over but... oh gosh... I was shaking. I was so afraid. I fell onto the grass. The cop began to run over to us. I tried again. And this time, it must have been a miracle from God, I felt calm and I was able to climb the fence. Again, must have been another miracle, but the cop shot another warning shot. David jumped over. We booked it! We didn't look back and we didn't stop running until we got far away from Steve's. We aren't going to go back for David's car until tomorrow.  
  
We finally got to David's house. I guess we thought that the police would never look for us there. We greeted his parents, grabbed some cokes and retreated to his room.  
  
"Thank God." Daniel wheezed. We were so out of breath and tired.  
  
"Praise Him." I muttered. I snapped opened the coke and drank. David finished his and pulled opened to a page randomly.  
  
"'My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations' but you have made it 'a den of robbers'." I shut my eyes. I can't believe how lucky we were... no, luck had nothing to do with it. It was all God's work. Praise God!  
  
"I wonder what happened to Steve and the others." I said. Daniel rolled over and turned on the TV. It was almost twelve. He flipped to a local channel. David sat next to me. He gave a supportive smile.  
  
"Welcome to the twelve o'clock news. I am Rachel Suney. This is what is happening at this hour," Rachel, the newscaster, changed camera view, "a local Christian house church has been discovered. Steven Crager, the cult's "pastor" as they call him, has been arrested," they showed a picture of Steve. He was all beaten up and he had several cuts on his face, "The other "believers" (and yes diary, she was making quotations marks with her fingers) have been brought in for questioning. It is unclear right now whether they will also be put under arrest. Three other members of this cult managed to escape. They are older teenagers, around the age of seventeen. Please if you know anyone who is a Christian please turn him or her in.  
  
"Onto other news..." Daniel shut off the TV. His face was red.  
  
"Damnit!" he cried. He was shaking with anger, "Damnit! I hate this place! Lord..." he trailed off. I hugged my best friend.  
  
"Danny," I said, "I understand. David understands. The Lord will help us through it." David nodded.  
  
"Yup! Daniel, something good will happen. And besides the Lord will only give His children as much as they handle." Daniel looked up.  
  
"Lord, we are eternally grateful that You saved us today. Thank you for looking out for Mia, David and me. I pray that You keep us strong and continue to keep us safe. In Your Sons' name, Amen."  
  
"Amen." David and I whispered. Daniel and I hung out there until around three. Then I thought it was time to go home.  
  
So here I am, diary. The Lord is so good to this children... I know this... then why do I feel like I'm going to fall apart?  
  
-Mia 1st period  
  
Diary, I wonder... are they out to get us? We saw Anne and Matthew today. They seemed surprised to see us. They used to go to church with us. It was a major surprise for Daniel when he discovered his three friends from our site went to our house church and our school! Anyway, both David and I think they ratted out Steve. Daniel didn't say anything about that. I think he feels like he has been betrayed. We listened to both the six o'clock and eleven o' clock new last night. We heard nothing about Steve. David said he would spend his spare hacking into the police computer to find out about Steve. Pray for us, diary! Pray for Anne and Matthew...  
  
LORD, I DON'T USUALLY PRAY FOR PEOPLE I DISLIKE... I NEVER LIKED ANNE OR MATTHEW. BUT ONCE THEY SEEMED TO REALLY LOVE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU DID. NOW THEY TRY TO DESTROY YOUR CREATIONS. THEY SEEM TO HAVE LOST THEIR LOVE FOR YOU. FATHER... PLEASE SAVE THEM. REMIND THEM OF YOUR ETERNAL LOVE. PLEASE LORD... IN JESUS'S NAME, AMEN. -Mia  
  
Late Night  
  
Diary, I did something I shouldn't have, diary. I called Matthew. I was at home, just typing up an assignment for school when I had this overwhelming urge to call Matthew. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't. So I called him and then we agreed to meet at the local café for a drink. Just him and me. My parents let me go. They have pretty much lifted the grounding. I think the idea of having me move somewhere "safe" and away from them makes them feel guilty.  
  
I slipped into a booth with a mug of hot chocolate. Matthew walked in. He seemed dishevelled. His dark hair was messed up and there was a cut on his cheek. I stood up to greet him. He smiled and sat down across from me.  
  
"Sorry I am late." He said formally. I sat down.  
  
"Your face..." I whispered. He touched the cut.  
  
"It's just from training." I left for a moment. I swallowed. Why was I even here? What was I going to do? I reached into my bag to get my cell phone. I was going to ask my dad for a ride home when my hand touched my Bible. I didn't realise it was in my bag. I pulled it out. It was like a message from God or something. The letter from Daniel, when he first gave me the Bible, had fallen out: "Hey Mia! We finally have the Lord's Word! His Way and Truth will always show us through. All we have to do is trust Him. I'll see you in class. Daniel."... Trust Him. I put my Bible back and Matthew returned with his coffee.  
  
"Are you worried about Steve?" he asked, "I wouldn't be. They aren't going to hurt him."  
  
"No Matt, I'm worried about you." I said.  
  
"Me? Whatever for?"  
  
"I would like to apologize. I never made any real attempt to be your friend." I said. I couldn't look at him. I looked, instead, at the bubbles in my hot chocolate. Matthew laughed.  
  
"No big deal. That's way your worried, because you aren't friends with everyone? That's life Mia."  
  
"You are Daniel and David's closest friend. I should have made more of an effort." Sip of the drink, still not looking at him.  
  
"Like I said no biggie."  
  
"Matthew... why did you join the Secret Student Police?" Opps! The secret name escaped from my lips but luckily he didn't even noticed.  
  
"This is what this is all about?" he cried. I shook my head.  
  
"No! I just want to understand. I always thought you had such a strong love for God. I was... jealous, I guess, you seemed to completely and totally trust God and I couldn't. But this seemed such an anti- God thing to do." Matthew opened his mouth to say something but then shut it. It was like he couldn't find the words.  
  
"That's what you thought?" he finally asked. I nodded. I felt like a little child.  
  
"You seemed to trust Him so much, I thought that... I don't know what I thought exactly. I guess I thought I needed to trust myself too." Matthew looked away.  
  
"I understand all too well. I joined because I figured if I looked like I completely worshipped the Leaders they wouldn't doubt me. They wouldn't have any reason to search my things and arrest me... or torture me," he looked at me, "I never told anyone that. Never even Anne." I grabbed his hand.  
  
"It's okay to be scared. I am too. We are human. Fear is a part of our nature. We sin but if we ask God for help He will help us. He will removed that fear and fill us with joy."  
  
"I can't undo what I have done! It's too late! If I quit... I have no doubt they will kill me."  
  
"God will protect." And if you are to die... it's God will. I didn't say that to Matthew. I have the same fears... as do David and Daniel. We all do.  
  
"And if I quit I will also lose Anne. She is so proud that I joined. Mia, I have fallen in love with her." Ha! I knew it. Mental little dance in triumph! But I didn't show it to Matthew. Now wasn't the time to ask more about that.  
  
"Matt, I understand. But what is more important to you? God or Anne?" Matthew took a long drink from his mug.  
  
"That's a hard question. I love Anne but I love God."  
  
"Anne's not a Christian then?" I asked. Matthew drank again.  
  
"I use to believe so. But then she began to make comments about Jocelyn, her parents, you and David. It was her who turned in Steve. I don't think she is."  
  
"She turned him in?" I repeated slowly.  
  
"But if she isn't then I am in a lot of trouble. If I quit she will turn me in. I'd be damned." I so wanted to question him about Anne and Steve. How could she do that? We trusted her! But it was like God talking through me. Ignore that. Matthew needs help.  
  
"You'd be damned alright! Damned to hell if you don't go back to God!"  
  
"Eternal hell..." he whispered. He looked out the window. I finished my drink and pulled out my Bible.  
  
"'The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?' Psalm 27:1. 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you.' Deuteronomy 31:8. 'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.' Philippians 4:10." Matthew looked at me.  
  
"You have really matures in your faith. I have fallen back," he said. He took my hand and bowed his head, "Please Lord give the strength to do what you want me to do. If you want me to leave the Chosen Students then I will. Please Lord, I want to trust You and love You with my whole heart. In Your sons' name, amen." We didn't talk long after that. I hope Matthew leaves SPS and I hope that he will be safe.  
  
LORD PLEASE WATCH OVER MATTHEW. HELP HIM BE STRONG AND MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE. ALSO HELP ANNE LEARN ABOUT YOUR UNDYING LOVE. HELP YOUR CHILDREN WHO ARE AFRAID. WE LIVE IN SCARY TIMES AND WE GET LOST, REMIND US THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE WANTING TO HELP US AND YOU ARE ALWAYS LOVING US. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  
1st period  
  
Diary, I HATE waiting! I haven't seen Matthew all morning. I told Daniel and David this morning. They are both worried. They think Matthew could be setting up a trap and might turn me in. I don't think so. I didn't mention what I learnt about Steve. I want to know Matthew's decision first. If he is to leave then I will ask him to tell them; if he doesn't then I will. I want to know where exactly Steve is and why Matthew doesn't think he will get hurt. I want to hunt him down at lunch. In fact that is exactly what I'm going to do!  
  
-Mia  
  
4th period  
  
Diary, I hunted him down but he was sitting with a bunch of SPS. I walked over to him. I was a little afraid after my diary and my Bible is right inside my backpack! A couple sneered at me. I smiled at Matthew.  
  
"Hey Mia! Come to eat with us?" he asked. One student cleared his throat.  
  
"Amelia we are having a meeting. You better leave." He said. I smirked at him. Whatever I wasn't here to talk to him.  
  
"Matt, will have a minute this lunch time?" I asked. Matthew smiled. He seemed so full of joy right then.  
  
"Yeah, Bart here will shut up soon. I will see you guys at your regular table, okay?" I nodded and walked away. I joined Daniel and David. David was frowning.  
  
"I saw you talking to Matthew. What about?" he asked. I grinned.  
  
"Nosey aren't you?" I replied. Daniel rolled his eyes.  
  
"You know you are looking for trouble, right?" he snapped.  
  
"You said just like Anne. Trust me. I know what I'm doing." I think I added silently. Matthew walked over to me. He hugged me.  
  
"Thank you Mia for talking to me last night! I went home and had a long talk with God. I'm not going to quit the Chosen Students but I have decided to try and teach them about Jesus. I know that's really dangerous but I know that's what God wants me to do." He said. He sat down on the table.  
  
"Do you have to keep working with them?" David asked. Matthew frowned.  
  
"Yeah, I know that issue. I don't see another way to evangelize to them."  
  
"I understand Matthew but I don't think God wants to keep sinning like that. I'm sure he wants you to teach them but their must be another way." Daniel said. Matthew nodded.  
  
"I'll pray, okay?" he seemed upset that we weren't more happy for him. I stood up and hugged him.  
  
"I'm glad you made it right with God." I whispered in his ear. Matthew looked at Daniel and David.  
  
"I have something else to tell you guys. I broke up with Anne. I can't continue to see her if she is against God and me. She was the one to turn in Steve." David jumped to him feet, knocking over his chair.  
  
"Damn her!" he cried.  
  
"Matthew, where is Steve?" I asked.  
  
"Mia, don't go after him. They are using him for bait for you guys. Anne didn't turn you in because she wasn't sure if you are the three who got away but if you go visit him the authorities will know. They are going to "re-educate" him." Matthew smirked. I gasped. Poor Steve! Daniel and David said nothing. Matthew apologized then left. I sat down. They were going to brainwash him.  
  
PLEASE LORD KEEP AN EYE ON STEVE. PROTECT HIM AND KEEP HIM STRONG. REMIND HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM. PLEASE LORD... WE ARE ALL SCARED. AMEN. -Mia 


	2. Author Note

Dear Readers, I have decided to post my second version of When all You have is Faith. I have also changed the title to Not a Lie. Here is the address: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=897379 It follows the same lines as version one so if you don't like this story then don't read Not a Lie! Thanks! -blackflame 


	3. Chapter One

Chapter One

_Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourself were suffering. Hebrews13:3 _

Evening

Diary,  
I was almost caught today by my mother on the computer! I was on the computer with Daniel, searching for stuff we both need to live when I heard I a noise. I scarcely got a chance I say good-bye and close the window when Mother walked in. She just wanted to see what I was up to. I think that she thinks I spend too much time on the computer. It's really not my fault, through. I have to spend at least ten to fifteen minutes on the computer to work my way through all the legal barriers that stop me from doing my searching. If I didn't spend that time I would probably be dead by now! It also takes a long time to find the stuff I'm looking for! Do you how hard it is to find music about Jesus Christ that doesn't bash Him? I guess I'm expecting too much. It's a miracle I have all the music about my Redeemer that I do now, considering it's illegal and all. I can't believe it. Who in the right mind would illegalise Christianity? The only way to live, on Earth and the after life! Who in their right mind would make practicing Christianity a crime punishable by death? The world leaders, that's who. I don't think it's the end of the world yet, because there has been no rapture yet and because it's not a total world government yet. There are still four "countries" or regions- the North, South, West and East. Canada, where I live, is in the North Region, Europe in the West, Asia is the East and Africa is the South. The other parts of the Earth also fall into those Regions but those are the major players in the world today... except Canada... they are the same as always! Sleepy Canada! Ha! Okay that's not TOTALLY true. Canada and the US are one of the major players for underground Christian stuff. Unfortunately, the black market is EXPENSIVE! So it's the Internet for me to get all things Christian.  
Daniel is completely dependent on me for get him the newest songs and such. He can't go online. His father caught him looking for a Bible a few months ago on the Net and since then unless Daniel has adult supervision he can't go on the Net. He still sneaks on some days (like today) to talk to me. He was the one who taught me about hacking about the Internet. Right now, our biggest project is getting our hands on a Bible. We have only found parts of the Bible online, mostly the New Testament. We really want the whole thing. Daniel told me, the day he was caught, that he found a site with a whole Bible! But he never got the time to write down the address. *Sigh* Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that Daniel's father didn't turn him in. 

I remember last year a girl in my class was caught listening to POD, the teacher called the Police, and I swear, the whole SWAT team came and I'll NEVER forget this day... they killed her! They didn't give her a trial or anything. It was public and on the TV and everything. The teachers, the prefects, and of course the media told us that would be a lesson for all us. If any of us were caught with any Christian items what happened to that girl would happen to us. That whole week I cried. I couldn't understand how God would allow that to happen. I longed for His Word so much. That's when Daniel and I started our own web page. It's called Jesus Freaks Lives. It's a combination of my and Daniel's web alias. Mine is RLives and Daniel's is JFreaks. Daniel LOVES the song Jesus Freaks by DC Talk. My favourite band is Relient K. Opps! Off topic! Pretty much all J.F.L do now is posts prayer requests. We also reply to people who want to know where other Christian sites are. We always do a background check on the people, in case they are really the government or something. At this point, no one from the government or the school knows about our site… that we know of. 

Hey! My parents have just left to go shopping. I'm going back on line to get a Bible. Later!  
-Mia  
  


Evening 

Diary, 

Today was Sunday and that means church! I hate having to lie to my parents about where I'm going. I would love for them to become Christians but I'm too scared. My parents are not all 'yeah Leaders!' like some people I know, but they don't toe the line. They grew up without religion and they are happy without it. I don't understand it. I was miserable without Jesus in my life. Now with Him I am... well I can't say happy but I have joy. A peaceful joy. Anyway that is a totally different story. What I usually do, Diary, is tell my parents that I have a project with Daniel we need to work on or that I need help with a class or that I am going to hang out with Daniel for a while. Then I drop my backpack off at Daniel's and we go to church. I love church! Our pastor, Steve, is awesome! He's about 33 and he's really cute! But that isn't the point! He can relate to the pressures that we face and he helps us. I feel so sorry for him through. He doesn't have a Bible and it must be hard to minister to us and help us without having the Lord's Word on hand. He knows a lot of verses by heart so I guess that's good. His dad used to pastor the church before Steve but unfortunately he and his mom was caught. It was lucky Steve wasn't caught too. I believe he was at his grandmother's that day. His dad was killed and I believe his mom is still in jail. Anyway, today's sermon was on Hebrews 13:3. It talks about remembering those who are in jail because of their faith and we need to pray for them and such. I always feel horrible when I think of those who suffer because of their faith! It's so stupid that they have to suffer because someone else doesn't agree with them! But I admire them (the Christians) so much! I wish I had the nerve to go to people and tell them about the love that Jesus offers people but I don't want to suffer. I hate pain. I remember when Dad tried to teach me to ride a bike and I didn't want to because I was afraid of falling and getting hurt. And falling off a bike would create a small owie but to be TORTURED because I had to tell people about Christ would be too much for me! But I guess I have to trust Jesus more to protect and help me. *Never mind* I don't know enough about saving people and I don't even have a Bible! I wouldn't be much help to anyone. 

Then after the sermon we sang some songs. We don't have many because after it was announced it was illegal all the religious stuff was burnt. Again Steve knows some because of his dad but we need different songs! He always asks us to pray. 

After church Daniel and I went back to his house. His parents are pretty cool. They never ask him where we go but I'm sure they know. They hate the fact that their son is involved with something illegal but they just can't turn him in. I can't imagine what they would say if they fought out it was Daniel who got me involved with Jesus! I thank God a lot for my friendship with Daniel. He's really special to me and he has helped me a lot. 

THANKS GOD FOR ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I ASK A COUPLE OF THINGS TONIGHT: COULD YOU HELP DANIEL AND STEVE GET THEIR HANDS ON A BIBLE? WE ALL REALLY WANT TO READ YOUR WORD DAILY AND WE WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU WANT US TO LIVE. I ALSO ASK FOR YOUR PROTECTION ON YOUR CHILDREN. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

Tolerance? By: Mia Rutherford

A long time ago when Canada was only a baby it was built upon religious morals. Both Canada and United States used the Mosaic Laws to build their legal system. In the nineteenth century it was acceptable because a lot of people were Christians. The United States strongly believed in God and in their Pledge of Allegiance had the phase "One nation under God." It was a time of religious freedom. Everyone could worship their god in anyway that they liked. There was no persecution to follow Christianity, Judaism or Buddhism. One could worship Jesus, Vishnu, Allah or any god or goddess that they wanted.

Soon people began to fight the "religious freedoms" that they had. Why did their children need to pray the Lord's Prayer in public schools? Their children were not Christian! Why do their children have to participate in the Christmas play? Their children were Jewish. So the courts understood their fears and worries and agreed that was not religious freedom. They said that a public school could have prayers in the morning announcements as long as they alternated between the different religions. The public schools could have Christmas plays but they had to have representation for Hanukah and the other religions. No one complained. It was a way to have religious freedoms. People of Canada, of the US, of the world had to show tolerance to the other world religions. It was too much trouble to show every religion so prayer was taken out of school. Christmas was to be celebrated at home.

Time passed and the pledge of Allegiance was attacked. If a person does not believe in God why should they say that phase- One Nation Under God? That simple phase was attacking their freedom of religion! The courts agreed with the atheists. It was not right. The country was forcing Christianity or Judaism on those who did not believe. More time passed and more people stood up and argued that their religious freedoms were being ignored. People began to say those with religions were intolerant. How can you morally pick parts of a century old book that you are going to follow or not? It is wrong to say what is morally right or wrong for someone else. Anything public and had a hint of religiousness to it was taken to court and fought- 'it is against my freedom of religion!' 'Do not impose your beliefs on me!' Outside the government and the courts religious persecution was on the raise. Churches, temples, synagogues, and mosques were graffiti-ed. Sometimes, at night, mobs would come and try to burn down the buildings. People were afraid to worship. Many people began underground churches, synagogues, and etc. in order to be able to worship in peace. Finally, to appease the people, the government decreed that religions were unconstitutional and that Canada, US and other European countries were going to be Atheist countries.

It seems that the tolerance of religious freedoms become so tolerant that it became intolerant. The quest for religious freedom is an impossible one. To have expression for one will squash another. The best way to have religious freedom is to respect others for their religious choices and while some religions are supposed to go out and spend the truth they should do it with gentleness and love. Religion is an important part of people's lives, as it has been a part of life in every period of time. This is a sad tale of intolerant tolerance.

After School

Diary,

I would in so much trouble if I handed that in to my teacher! We have to write an essay in history about something debateable, like whose fault was World War One or something. So in class I started writing the above essay. It's not long enough but even if it were I couldn't hand it in. My teacher would think that I am pro- religion, which of course I am but if he knew that then I would get in serious trouble. No thanks! I probably wouldn't get in trouble with the Leaders or anything because it doesn't say to which religion I belong to but it such says I disagree with them! So I will probably do a stupid essay on World War One. There is so much more I could add to that essay. Like how after religion was declared illegal there was a huge civil war. People who loved God (or gods) fought against it. They knew the persecution they would face but the people didn't care. Then rose four people from four different countries- the United States, China, Britain and Russia. They have this ability to smooth things over. I don't know how they did it but then like ninety percent of the people who were fighting for religion suddenly stop fighting. The remaining ten percent are still fighting. They still want religion back. Some are pretty obvious. They become martyrs, which make some of us strong. Others lead the underground churches, etc. It makes me angry if I think about it too long.

LORD, MAKE THOSE WHO LOVE YOU STRONG. WE WANT TO WORSHIP YOU! ALLOW US THE FREEDOM TO AND GIVE US PROTECTION TO DO SO! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN

-Mia

Lunch 

Diary,  
I'm in total shock. Today during history our class went down to the library to work on our essay. My friend, Jocelyn, and I had already got most of our research done. I went on the computer last night and looked up WWI. Urgh! It's so boring! So she was showing me some of her songs she had been working on. She wants to be a musician when she grows up. I, personally, don't like her songs. They are completely anti- Christian in their lyrics. They speak of sex and violence like it's commonplace. It is but it shouldn't be! I would really like her to show her the love of Jesus Christ so; perhaps, her songs could reflect that message. But her father is a politician and she's been brainwashed, like everyone else in the world, to believe religion, especially Christianity, is the cause of all evil in this world. She especially hears a lot about the "evils" of God because her father is really high up in the government. If I am correct her father is right under the Leaders in the governmental line up. I'm sure if I told her about the love of the Prince of Peace she would turn me in and I don't think that's a risk I am willing to take. Anyway, her disk is FULL of songs and musical notes so when she typed in the title 'Jessie Eielson Should Use Somebody' the computer said the title was too long. So she typed the first letter of each word for the name of the file. Suddenly a loud alarm went off and metal straps shot out of her chair and pinned her down. She began to scream. I was so shocked. I didn't know that the library had a program to do that! I knew the public libraries could. I had no clue why Jocelyn had been strapped down. Then I figured out the reason. Our stupid government have special 'key words' that tip them off to the Saints. Well, her shorten song title was- JESUS- a major keyword! I jumped to my feet. I told Jocelyn to calm down. I'm sure, after they read her lyrics, they would realise she wasn't a Christian. She continued to cry and scream. The librarian cleared out the library, except for me because I refused to leave her there. About ten later the police ran in, guns raised. Three surrounded Jocelyn and pointed their weapons at her head.  
"LET ME GO!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, "Don't you know who I am? Don't you know who my father is?" The policemen laughed at her.  
"Shut up, Jesus Freak!" one snapped. (Someone really needs to tell them that calling us Jesus Freaks isn't really an insult anymore! We are proud to be associated with our Lord and Saviour!)  
"Now we are going to release you from the chair," it was a female cop who was talking. I thought she was more sympathetic to Jocelyn, "But if you make any sudden movements we will be forced to shoot." The other policemen told me to 'get lost' but I refused. I had to know what would happen to my friend! They arrested Jocelyn and led her away. I wanted to follow but again I was refused. They wouldn't listen to her as she tried to explain the file title was only an anagram. But I think, because of who her father is, they might give her a trial instead of just executing her. I prayed that while she's in jail that she might find the comfort that Jesus provides.  
  


PLEASE JESUS, MY SAVIOUR PLEASE LET JOCELYN MEET YOU AND FIND OUT HOW WONDERFUL YOU REALLY ARE! GIVE HER COMFORT WHILE SHE'S IN JAIL AND PLEASE LET JUSTICE BE DONE. AMEN.  
  
-Mia 

After school

Diary,  
Mom is a good friend with Jocelyn's mother. Mom just came in with news about Jocelyn. Mom knows I'm really worried about her. Jocelyn is in the Juvenile Detention Centre. She will be held there over night. The police, tonight, are going to search her room for anything Christian. They have another team on reading her song lyrics. I heard from mother that Jocelyn is in a crowded cell with other Christian prisoners. I'm sure that Jocelyn with hear the Good News... I hope she believes it. Mom says tomorrow there will be more news.  
  
DEAR LORD, AGAIN I PRAY FOR MY FRIEND'S SAFETY IN JAIL AND THAT YOU WILL FIND HER AND WARM HER HEART. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF HER. AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  


EARLY in the morning 

(1:26am) 

Diary,  
Guess who called just a few minutes ago? Jocelyn! Because of who her father is she received one unmonitored phone call- on a safe phone even! I can't believe what happened! 

"Mia? Mia?" the voice came across the line.  
"Jocelyn?" I mumbled, it was so early and I was so tired.  
"My god Mia! I am so thankful I got through to you! Mia, can you do me a huge favour?"  
"Sure, Jocelyn. Anything."  
"I need you to tell me about Jesus. I figured that you would know about Him."  
"Me? Why me?" I panicked. What if this was a trap? Maybe she would get me to tell her about the greatest Person in the universe and I would get arrested and she would be free. A real Jesus Freak for a fake one! 

"Please Mia! After listening to some of these Jesus Freaks in here I thought a lot of them sound just like you... except they mention God and Jesus and such." 

"But why do you want to know?" I didn't know what to do. I thought that maybe if I kept Jocelyn to keep talking an answer would come to me. I decided that I would pray about it in the back of my mind. LORD, GIVE ME GUIDANCE… AND PROTECT ME! 

"Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to die tomorrow. I want to know who I'm dying for."  
"You? Dying? But how do you know?" I heard my parents move around upstairs. I began to talk softer.  
"My dad came tonight. He yelled at me. 'How could you become one those thieves?' 'Do you know what this will do for my career?' I told him to read my songs. For once I agree with you- those aren't good songs. I'm recalling a lot of the songs and I can't believe I even thought them, let alone wrote them down! They were- are- awful! He told me he did read them. He said that a lot of them had a lot of hidden Christian meaning, which I don't see at all! He said that tomorrow I should renounce my faith and go for major rehab or die. I heard some of the guards talking. Mia, I'm so afraid. I don't want to die but this Jesus is calling out to me. I sound crazy, I know."  
"Jocelyn, I don't think you are crazy. It's okay. God will protect you." I said. I was so worried after I said that. My fears rushed into my head. But now, after the phone call, I know I have to trust everything up to God. No matter how hard it is. I have to trust Him and at times, like tonight, let Him speak for me.  
"Do you think God will have me? Even after all these years of picking on His people?"  
"Yes," I really wished I had a Bible on me. I would look up the verses and everything, "In the New Testament of the Bible a man named Saul went around killing Christians. One day on the road... to somewhere... Jesus revealed Himself to Saul and Saul became a Christian. He changed his ways and become a great apostle. He changed his name is Paul."  
"I've heard of Paul! Some of the girls in here keep quoting Paul and Peter!" I smiled. God was answering my prayers. She was hearing the Good News. I silently thanked God for that. 

"Yes. So you see? Saul killed God's Saints and Jesus still wanted him. God wants no one to be apart from Him! God loves you and wants you to be His child."  
"Thank you Mia! I'm going back to my cell and I will pray to Jesus. I know this is the truth. I don't know why but I just do. I don't know anything about Him but I know He is this great guy and deserves to be worshipped. And when the lawyers ask me tomorrow to forsake Jesus I will say no! Thank you Mia! Thank you Lord!" We hang up after that. I'm so glad Jocelyn found Jesus. Maybe...  
  
DEAR LORD, COULD YOU PLEASE SPARE JOCELYN'S LIFE TOMORROW? I KNOW THAT NOW THAT SHE'S ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN SHE WILL SPEND THE WORD FOR YOU. PLEASE GOD, PLEASE LET HER LIVE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN... PS- THANKS FOR LETTING JOCELYN TO FIND YOU!  
  
-Mia  
  


1st period 

Diary, 

There has been no word on Jocelyn yet. Daniel told him he would continue praying for her safety. He also told me got a lead on the Bible hunting! Yeah!  
  
-Mia  
  


Noon 

Diary,  
I'm in the car. Afternoon classes are cancelled. We heard news. It isn't good news. Jocelyn's trial is public in the town square. I'm afraid. I'm afraid for Jocelyn. 

  
PLEASE GOD KEEP JOCELYN STRONG. LET HER KNOW THAT YOU LOVE HER AND THE DECISION SHE HAS MADE IS FOR BETTER, NOT FOR WORST. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia  
  


Afternoon 

Diary,  
She's gone... I don't believe it. How could anyone be so cruel? I HATE this world!  
  
-Mia 

After Supper 

Diary,  
I got off the phone with Daniel. He makes me feel somewhat better. I still feel so cold and numb. I cannot believe what this world has turned into! But I guess I should record what happened. We arrived at the Square around noon, which we thought was early because the trial began at 1:30 but the Square was packed. People were screaming, "Kill the Freak!" I shivered. I saw Daniel and I told my parents that I was going to talk to him. My parents were okay with that. I went over to Daniel and he was with his other Christian friends, that he has met through Jesus Freaks Lives. I didn't know these people very well so I don't know if I can trust them. They seemed very sobered. One, I think his name is David, asked if maybe if we should pray- aloud- for Jocelyn.  
"Are you nuts?" I cried, "Do you want to be killed?" His friend, Anne, laughed.  
"Oh, Mia! Does it matter? We will be dying for the Greater Cause!" I blushed. Why did these people make me for so bad for wanting to survive? 

"But if we die who will teach others?" I countered. The three nodded. Daniel smiled at me and he seemed to say, 'Why are you so afraid?' Gee, I'm glad he is all ready to die. I want to grow up. Then the lawyers stepped up on the stage.  
"People! Welcome! As you all know, this is the trial for Jocelyn Pearson. She has been charged as a being a Christian. And we all know what our Criminal Code says?" he called. I shivered. The lawyers were acting like this was a game show. That our friend's life had no impact, no significance whatsoever.  
"It says that there is no god, goddess or higher being. We are the higher being. We are in control of our future. It says that anyone caught practicing any religion can and will be charged with treason That belief in a god is an insult to man's intelligence!" the people chorused. Again I shivered. Daniel put his arm around me and I could tell he was scared too.  
"Let's bring out the prisoner! Jocelyn Pearson!" Jocelyn came out in chains but carried her defiant look, as she always did. She looked at the crowds and gave a small smile when she saw me. My eyes began to fill up with tears. One of the lawyers walked up to her.  
"Let's get straight to the point. It doesn't really matter what that file was called, does it?" he asked. It wasn't fair! Jocelyn wasn't even given a lawyer! I hate the Leaders!  
"Jocelyn Pearson, are you a Christian?" he cried. Jocelyn grinned at the question.  
"When you arrested me I wasn't guilty of anything except not thinking. I didn't realise what I wrote when I named that file. That file was a normal song like every other one I wrote. But you threw me in jail! There I was exposed to other Christians and for that I thank you. I thank you for arresting me. Because of your stupid laws I found there is a God! There is a true living God and that loves each and every one of us! He wants you to know Him!" she cried. I smiled. She was so brave. How on Earth did she find the courage to say that with the threat of death in the face?  
"Praise God." Matthew whispered. Praise God indeed. There is no other explanation. God is truly powerful. 

"Shut her up!" a lawyer cried. Jocelyn smiled.  
"OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN! HALLOWED BE YOUR NAME!" Jocelyn cried. The police ran up to her and slugged her. I turned away. The people cheered.  
"YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN!"  
"Hang the freak!" the crowds screamed. I shuddered as I heard young children yell this. "Hang her! Hang her!" they chanted. As the police looped the noose over Jocelyn's head she continued, "Give us our daily bread, forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one-" the second she said 'one' they dropped the platform and she died. The people cheered all around us. They cheered. Cheered. Don't they know they killed someone's daughter? Someone's friend? Don't they care? Just because of faith. WHY, GOD, DO YOU ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO DIE? PLEASE LORD; PROTECT ME AND MY FRIENDS FROM THOSE WHO WISH TO EXTINGUISH YOUR BEAUTIFUL LIGHT. PLEASE LORD; PROTECT US. IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN.  
-Mia 


	4. Chapter Two

Chapter Two 

_Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Blessed is the man where perseveres under trial because he has stood trial, because he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him. James 1: 2-4, 12 _

After Supper 

Diary, 

I can't stop thinking about Jocelyn's death. When that girl was killed at school it bothered me but it didn't bug me as much as it does now. Is it because I knew Jocelyn and I didn't know that other girl? I hope not. Doesn't that make me a horrible person? I remember Hebrews 13:3 and I think that I am not remembering those who suffer because of their faith. Maybe I am a bad Christian. I've been thinking horrible thoughts lately. I want to tell someone but I can't! Not even Daniel! I have been wondering why I am a Christian? Sometime I hear whispers that say Jesus isn't God and that God is all a fairy tale. I always laugh at it and remember that true signs that God exists. I don't necessarily mean miracles but just look outside. What an awesome God we have to create such a beautiful Earth! The sun setting in the west and causes the sky to light but with red and purple. The moon rising with its' beautiful colours, flowers and fall. God created all that. And we stupid humans come and ruin it all! Anyway, that is another rant. But then a few weeks later the voices return. Days after I see or hear about another persecution and I wonder why do I risk it all? Why do I risk my well being for God? I guess I should think of it another way. If it weren't for God where would I be? I think I would be dead. 

When I was entering high school I got really depressed. I stopped being happy. All I saw was destruction around me. It was like my world had gone black. Daniel was really worried about me. He knew that I would sometimes think about killing myself. One night I was at his house talking to him. I asked what was the point of living? Daniel suddenly got this really nervous look on his face. I asked him what was wrong. I thought he was going to tell me that he had been thinking along the same lines as me. 

"Mia, you have to promise not to tell another soul what I am about to tell you." Daniel said. I nodded. 

"Sometimes I get depressed too but I have a Light in my life that always help me out. This Light is my best friend and my Saviour." I was taken back. Plus I felt hurt from that statement. 

"I thought I was your best friend." I grumped. Great another reason to add to the list: why live? 

"You are my human best friend. My other Best Friend isn't like you." I was confused. 

"Danny, you aren't helping." I stated. 

"I am a Christian, Mia." 

"What?" I cried. I felt another burden fall on me. 

"Mia, it isn't as bad as it sounds. Being a follower of Jesus is the best thing that ever happened to me." I stood up. I thought I was going to be sick. 

"Danny, I can't deal with this now... I'll talk to you tomorrow." I high tailed it out of there. I heard Daniel call after me but I went home. I remember avoiding him for the next week. I didn't want to lose my best friend to some fake God! Daniel gave my space for the week and then on Sunday he came to my house. Mom and Dad weren't home so I let him in. We sat in my bedroom. 

"Mia, I was too blunt. I'm sorry. But I want to share my Light with you." I nodded. I was too upset to argue. 

"I was never depressed, like you are, when I found God. It was only a couple of years ago when I found Him. Remember in grade six I avoided you for a week?" I nodded, "It was that week I found out about Jesus. The school librarian told me about Him. When I heard about Him I felt empty. Like I had this hole in my heart. It could me a while to discover that Jesus was missing in my life. That hole was a God- shaped hole. Anyway I finally accepted Jesus as my Saviour and even through I knew that was a good thing I was scared. Mrs. Maldy helped me a lot. 

"How do I explain this? Jesus is this really awesome man who is fully God and fully man. See God created this place for us called Heaven and it's perfect! But a person cannot go there unless s/he reminds sinless their entire life. God knew this was an impossible task for us so He sent His only Son to Earth. Jesus was born a virgin birth and lived a sinless life. He was then killed. His death was the payment for our sins. So now that anyone who believes in Jesus can have ever lasting life and can go to heaven. 

"But Jesus is more than that. He is also our friend. He wants a personal relationship with us. My favourite verse from the Bible is Isaiah 41: 10. 'So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand'. God will always be there for us when we need Him. Understand?" I shook my head. Why on Earth would some man want to die for a crime He didn't commit? Even to this day I can't figure that out! It's all a part of God's grace! I didn't commit myself to Jesus that day. It wasn't until a month later when I did. 

My parents were out and I had hit rock bottom. I just didn't see the point to go on. I was standing in my bedroom, crying my eyes out when I saw this spark of light in my dark mind tunnel. I remembered what Daniel had told me. 

"JESUS!" I cried, "If you really exist can you take away my pain? Can you provide Light when there isn't any? Please Jesus... I need you in my life. If You are half as good as Daniel tells me only You can make me happy again! Jesus, I surrender myself to You. Jesus, I know I am sinful and I know You are pure..." I really don't remember what else I said. I must have prayed to Him for at least an hour. I wonder if I still have it... here it is! I going to copy the poem I wrote after: 

Snapping

Cracking

Popping

Losing my mind

Lost grip on what is real

I've gone down

I almost can't remember how to get up

I will stand again

I will stand again

because I have seen You

I've seen Your light

It's a guiding light

a loving light

I will stand again

Just because I know You're there

just because I know You love me

You love me

I will never be alone

just because You love me

You have helped me stand again

I'm standing, walking, talking

just because You held Your light

I also remember that things didn't get better right away. And sometimes I still get depressed. Like with this death.

JESUS I SOMETIMES FORGET THAT YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND AND THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME. I FORGET THAT YOU WANT ME TO LEAN ON YOU AND TRUST YOU. PLEASE REMIND ME WHEN I FORGET AND PLEASE STRENGTH ME WHEN I FALL. HELP ME TO RECALL THAT DEATH ISN'T FINAL; IT'S JUST THE NEXT STEP TO YOU! JESUS I LOVE YOU. AMEN.

-Mia

After School 

Diary, 

I received an awesome surprise when I came home. My sister sent me a letter. Usually Sam and I only communicate by email. It's nice to get a handwritten letter every once and awhile. It has cheered me up a bit. She didn't even talk about anything special. She wrote that her boyfriend (Noah) and her have talked about getting married. Of course they won't marry until they are both out of school. Sam wants to be an elementary school teacher. I can totally see that. Sam is so great with little kids. I really have no idea what Noah wants to do. Something in computers I think. 

Anyway, she asked me if I knew the latest victim of 'tolerance'. I don't think she's religious or anything but she HATES the government rule on religion. She has told me, and more than once, that everyone should have the right to decide whether or not they believe in God or not. I completely agree with that! There would probably be a lot less evil in the world. I mean sure when religion was a 'free choice' there were lots of arguments and wars about it but if we could learn to respect each other, why couldn't it work? I should know the answer to that: because people sin. Humans are such a stupid race. 

THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING ME THIS LETTER. YOU KNEW I WAS UPSET AND YOU HELPED. I PRAY FOR SAM THAT SHE MAY ALSO FIND YOUR WORD AND YOUR LOVE. I PRAY FOR MY PARENTS THAT THEY KNOW OF YOU. I ASK THAT YOU CONTINUE TO GUIDE STEVE IN TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN TRUTHFULLY. I FINALLY ASK THAT YOU PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FROM HARM. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

1st period 

Diary, 

Daniel told me that he thinks he is really close to getting us a Bible. He is a bit worried. He has to be able to print out 3 copies. That's one for him, Steve and I. He asked if I could chip in a bit with paying for paper and ink. Of course I agreed. I asked him if David and the others needed copies. Daniel told me that Anne already has one. Both her parents are Christians. Lucky. He doesn't know about David and Matthew. Anyway I just wanted to record that. I am planning to send little prayers to God all day. 

-Mia 

After Supper 

Diary, 

God must really have a hand in this. Daniel and I went to the store to buy ink and paper after school today. When we got there the store had a 2 for 1 sale on the paper and the ink was half price! On the way home Daniel and I song every praise song we knew at the top of our lungs! But to be on the safe side we kept our windows closed, even through it was a beautiful day outside. I love spring! 

THANK YOU LORD FOR HELPING US PAID FOR THE INK AND PAPER. YOU ALWAYS PROVIDE FOR YOUR CHILDREN. LORD, YOU ARE SO GREAT AND POWERFUL. I AM HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO WORSHIP YOU! 

-Mia 

1st period 

Diary, 

Just reflecting. History seems so different without Jocelyn in it. It's weird not to have anyone to talk to during a boring movie (today's was on the rise of Communism in the mid 20th century). Or when our teacher steps out for twenty minutes, she won't be here to sing her songs or cracks jokes. I guess I never realise what an important friend she was to me. I guess there is one comfort. She's with Jesus and she is happy. Praise God for that... 

-Mia 

4th period 

Diary, 

We sat with David, Matthew and Anne today. David gave Daniel a web address. 

"Go here. It has a Bible. You will have to hack a bit to get in the site. By that I mean just type the sentence 'Jesus is Lord'. A few windows will pop up. Answer the questions by typing the answer then the windows will close and the site will open for you." David advised. So Daniel is coming over tonight, while my parents are out grocery shopping. Then we are going to find the site and burn the Bible to disc. Wish us luck, diary! 

Also Matthew lent Daniel a worship CD. It has a lot of good songs on it. I'm going to burn two copies- one for myself and one for Steve. Daniel has his own burner. 

-Mia 

Late Night 

Diary, 

The site was shut down. When we got there my computer froze. Daniel made this program that will freeze the computer if the government is monitoring a Christian site. Daniel is such a computer genius. Anyway, we called David and told him about the site. He said he just found out. He was about to grab his own copy but his computer froze. (Daniel shares his programs with his Christian friends.) David wasn't able to get a copy before. Daniel always asks me to pray for him. David's dad works for the municipal government. Rumour has it that he will soon be promoted to the provincial level. Anyway David needs to be really careful about his practices as a Christian. 

We are totally upset about losing our chance at getting a Bible. Daniel went home soon after. 

LORD COULD YOU PLEASE HELP US GET YOUR WORD? WE ARE DYING TO READ YOUR COMMANDMENTS! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

After Church 

Diary, 

Steve is ecstatic! He received a Bible! There are these missions that still exist. Their main purpose is to get Bibles and other things to churches that are in need. I would imagine it is very dangerous work. Anyway, one read our church plead for a Bible and they came down last night to visit Steve. The group's name is Servants For God. Today at the service they presented him with a Bible! Steve was crying! Actually there probably wasn't a dry eye in the room! We spent most of the service singing praises (Steve really enjoyed the worship CD. Daniel and I dropped it off Saturday). We had a quick sermon by one of the visitors and we sang some more! 

THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING OUR PASTOR A BIBLE! YOU ALWAYS PROVIDE. THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! 

-Mia 

After School 

Diary, 

Both my parents were at work so I decided to update the website. That means cleaning up the site, check to make sure the "unbreakable walls" are still up, update the link pages and read the posts. We have our own forum. Usually Daniel and I take turns updating. Anyway I found this really interesting post by some web group called Underground Resistance. They say they are totally dedicated to the teaching people about Jesus! I think that is awesome. I have so much respect for those brave people! I emailed Daniel right away with the link to the group. I told him I was going to check them out tomorrow. I have to go make supper. I'm thinking Chinese rice and chicken. Diary, what do you think? 

LORD, THANK YOU FOR THE BRAVE PEOPLE WHO GO OUT AND TEACH PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR SON. PLEASE CONTINUE TO GIVE THEM THE STRENGTH AND ENCOURAGEMENT THEY NEED. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

After school 

Diary, 

I am absolutely furious right now! What a bunch of bull crud that Underground Resistance is! Okay so I went to their web group and clicked on their website. First of all it's on public Internet, meaning there was no, that's right NO, hacking involved to get to it. Which at first I thought that was wicked cool. What an awesome way to get just anyone to the Word of God and it's like saying to the government 'your rules are stupid and Jesus is the only way!' THEN I read their mission statement and I was absolutely flabbergasted! I CANNOT believe they thought they were a good group to put on the site! They are complete syncretism! To the point: they want religion in our world (yeah!) BUT they believe everyone would benefit by having (get this, diary) a ONE WORLD RELIGION! What are they thinking? I mean it's a good idea and all if that one religion was Christianity but that would never ever happen. Anyway I read that they have created a petition to send to the World Leaders and tell them we want a world religion! And you would not believe how many people signed it! After that nasty shock I decided to read their message board. I figured there would be SOME people who disagreed. I still cannot believe it! Some message say, `I've want religion all my life but I was afraid. I'm so glad you are brave enough to take a public stand!' Or 'I've read all about the different religions and each are so exclusive. Pick me or suffer. It's about time we had a religion which included everyone and celebrated the goodness of humanity!' I couldn't read anymore after that one and got off my computer. Sometimes I can't believe this world! 

-Mia 

After Supper 

Diary, 

Can you believe it gets worst? After I finished writing in here I called Daniel and complained to him. We got off and he sneaked on the computer to see this site for himself. He discovered even more than I did! He found out that not one of the founders of Underground Resistance is Christian! The founders have a Buddhist background, an Islamic background and a Hindu background. How could they even think of posting their stupid site on our CHRISTIAN website? I mean they don't even believe that Jesus is the Son of God! That's like the main theme of Christianity... that and salvation. Anyway that Buddhist guy works for the bloody government! Argh! So Daniel quickly took action. He removed the message from Jesus Freaks Lives and posted a really long one explaining why the message from Underground Resistance was removed and why the founders of this site believe it's best to stay away from it. 

Then Daniel tells me from ten minutes from posting people are already replying. Some people thanked us and said they were planning to check it out but since that report came out they want nothing to do with it! Others weren't so... friendly. 'My parents are a part of that group! They believe that Jesus is a god! Why should Christianity be the ONLY way to heaven?' Hey moron! That's what the Bible says! Jesus even said He was the Truth, the Way and the Light! No one will see the Father except through Him! *Wait a second!* I have an idea, why don't Daniel and I open a new section of our site? FAQs of Christianity or Info for Seekers or something like that. Pretty much it will be just an area that explains why we believe Jesus is the only way to heaven and explain the way to salvation! I bet Steve would even like to help! I can't wait to tell Daniel! 

-Mia 

LATE at night 

Diary, 

It's after midnight. I can't sleep. I keep thinking about my explosion of anger in here. I... 

LORD CAN YOU FORGIVE ME FOR CALLING THE UNBELIEVERS MORONS? I DON'T MEAN IT BUT SOMETIMES I GET SO ANNOYED AT PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR GOOD WORD AND AREN'T OPEN TO IT. I WOULD LOVE THE DAY WHERE EVERYONE BELIEVES THAT YOU ARE GOD AND YOU ARE ONLY WAY TO HEAVEN. PLEASE HELP ME BE MORE ACCEPTING OF PEOPLE LIKE THOSE WHO CHEW DANNY AND ME OUT FOR POSTING OUR THOUGHTS ABOUT UNDERGROUND RESISTANCE. HELP ME LOVE THEM LIKE YOU DO AND REMIND ME TO PRAY FOR THEM. I KNOW NOT EVERYONE WILL ACCEPT YOU AND HELP ME RESPECT THEIR DECISION AND, IF THEY ASK, HELP ME GUIDE THEM TO YOUR TRUTH. LORD, FORGIVE ME FOR MY SHORTCOMINGS AND THERE ARE MANY OF THEM! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

Before bed 

Diary, 

Today was a wonderfully normal day. No big fears about being found out, no anger explosions, just me hanging out with my friends. Just a normal day at school. I even got a test back: 83%! Hurrah! I am so thankful for these days. Especially since lately my life has been chaotic. 

THANK YOU LORD FOR NORMAL DAYS LIKE TODAY. BEING YOUR CHILDREN ISN'T ALWAYS EXCITEMENT AND WHEN WE GET DOWNTIME IT'S NICE. THANK YOU. 

-Mia 

1st period 

Diary, 

A little update. I finally got around to telling Daniel about my idea. He loves it! But he said I would have to do most of the HTML. That's okay with me. I like creating web pages. But I told Daniel I would only do it if he got Steve to give us a sheet on the steps to salvation and Biblical references. I was also thinking of creating an area where people can post their conversion story. I'm sure Daniel, David, Matthew and Anne would post their stories! I can't wait to start! 

-Mia 

After Supper 

Diary, 

Wow! Daniel called Steve last night for the steps to salvation and by after school today he has already emailed them to me! I am going to start right away! 

-Mia 

1st period 

Diary, 

I finally have time to write! I haven't written in several weeks! I have spent those weeks coding the new sections and it was only last night I was able to upload everything to the server and post the pages. I even made a new front page. I hope everyone likes it! 

Also I haven't had any time in class to write because the teachers were just pouring the homework on! And if it wasn't a project it was a test. I am surprised that I finished the site as quickly as I did. But I guess I should also say that Daniel helped a lot. He told me that he wasn't going to do anything but he was the one who managed to get the conversion stories for our site! We have about ten of them, including Danny's and mine. Daniel was able to teach me how to write in Java into the site! Plus he sent me some new pictures to put up. Daniel did a lot. I can't wait to read the reviews of the new sections! 

So anyway that's why I haven't been writing. I hope you will forgive me, Diary! But now that the site is done I should have a lot more time to write. I have actually missed writing in here. It's like an outlet or something. I mean my friends help me sort out my thoughts too but this helps more and it's funny to go back and read my old entries! You can see how much I have grown over the years! Later! 

-Mia 

After Supper 

Diary, 

I am so excited! I'm just dying! Daniel called and said only one thing to before he hung up, "Read Angel's message." I wasn't too annoyed because I figured that his parents were around somewhere. I don't think they like me too much. I mean they are friendly and everything but it's a quiet hostility. I think they think that I brought Daniel to Christ. Anyway I went to our site and read through the posts. Most of them dealt with the new sections. Some of them were nice, 'I love your new sections!' others weren't... 'Are you for real? What kind of God says pick me or fry? God is love.' But I finally found Angel's message. He (or she) gave us an address to get a Bible! I immediately called Daniel. 

"Is this for real?" I asked. I could just hear Daniel smiling. I was grinning like a fool too! 

"Your parents working tomorrow?" 

"Yeah." 

"I'm coming over. Pray for this." Like he even had to tell me! 

LORD PLEASE LET THIS BE THE REAL DEAL. PLEASE ALLOW DANIEL AND I GET A BIBLE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

After school 

Diary, 

WE HAVE A BIBLE! 

-Mia 

A few hours later 

Diary, 

Okay, I am calmer. (Yeah!) We drove home as fast as we could. We almost broke down the door coming in! We raced to the computer. Since we were so excited it took us three times to get into the site. Then the site loaded. We prayed that the computer wouldn't freeze. Then we clicked on the link to our very own Bible. And then it appeared in front of us- Genesis 1:1, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth." We copied the whole thing and saved it to disc. Daniel is going to print out the copies tonight. I am so happy! 

THANK YOU LORD THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED A BIBLE! THANK YOU FOR GIVING YOUR CHILDREN A CHANCE TO READ YOUR WORD DAILY! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! 

-Mia 

1st period 

Diary, 

I am now a proud owner of a Bible! I brought my chemistry binder (I took that tortuous class last year) so that I could put my Bible in it! When you open the book it say Gr.11 Chemistry and when you flip to the back it has all my exam review sheets/ notes but in the middle- ALL GOD! Anyway I'm going to go. I want to "study" my "chemistry". 

-Mia 

2nd period 

Diary, 

I haven't written in a couple of days. Don't worry, Diary, nothing has happened. My life has gone back to being boring and that's okay with me! All I (and Daniel and David) have been doing is reading our Bibles! I... I can't even write how I feel when I read it. It's like God is opening my heart and is speaking directly to me. The Bible has the answer to everything! It's just wonderful. I am marking it all up. I keep highlighting every passage that is meaningful to me. In the beginning I didn't want to mark it up so I thought 'hey I will just write them down'. That was a stupid idea. My wrist began to hurt. I think I might have to ask Daniel to print me another one so I can colour code the passages! By the end of the year it's all going to be highlighted! 

The Bible is such a comfort. I mean listen to this: "Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust in Me." That totally says why worry when God is on your side? Steve was telling us a month ago that the Bible is full of passages like that one. God wants us to trust Him. He wants to take care of us if we let Him. As Christians we have let Him in control of our lives but as sinful people we always try to grab that control back. I really need to learn to lean on God. He is so great to us. 

LORD, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALLOWING US TO READ YOUR WORD. YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN ANY OF US CAN IMAGINE. YOU ARE SO PERFECT, SO HOLY. THANK YOU! 

-Mia 

Lunch 

Diary, 

Daniel laughed at me! I asked him about getting me another copy and he laughed! I explained why and he laughed harder. 

"I understand you completely but I don't have anymore ink! Anyway I was thinking about posting the Bible on our site. Now that we have one why not let everyone else?" I totally agreed. I also got roped into posting it. So I have to create a new section just for the Bible. Oh well. We are so blessed to have God's Word; every other believer should have it too! 

-Mia 


	5. Chapter Three

Chapter Three 

_Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! No, I came to bring a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household! If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:34- 39 _

Before Bed 

Diary, 

Another Friday night at home. I guess Danny and I could have done something but I wanted to stay home with my parents. Tonight I had this huge urge to tell them about Christ. It was right after the evening news and mom had just commented that why couldn't anyone bring peace to Earth? I was about to say there is someone but before I got the words out I froze. What if they turned me in? What if they didn't but threw me out of the house? Or they told me to choose: them or Jesus? I know that isn't a hard choice but I don't want to lose my family. What does there have to be so much trials with being a Christian? I have to learn to trust God more! I need to! You know, I'm going to go to Steve's tomorrow and ask him for help. He seems to trust God a lot. 

-Mia 

After Supper 

Diary, 

I rode my bike to Steve's after lunch. I knocked on the door and he answered. He looked like a mess! His hair was everywhere and he looked like he had been up for days! 

"Mia, hello!" 

"Hi, Steve. Do you have a few minutes?" 

"Of course. Come on in!" I stepped inside. His apartment was a total sty! Clothes (I don't know if they are clean or dirty) covered his furniture and his coffee table was stacked high with dishes. I feared the condition of the Bible! Steve seemed rather embarrassed at the mess. 

"Sorry about the untidiness here. I have been..." he trailed off, "Want some tea?" I nodded and followed him into the kitchen. 

"Need an ear?" I offered. Or a hand? 

"No, I'm fine. But you came here. Mia, are you okay?" I knew something was wrong with Steve. Daniel and I have been to his apartment before and it's has never been so messy! Usually it's neat. Steve even told us that he can't work when there is a mess. 

"How about a deal? I'll talk to you if you talk to me." Steve smiled. 

"There's no deterring you. You should be a lawyer." I laughed. 

"I do like proving my point. Well?" 

"But I'm the pastor. I'm supposed to help you not the other way around." I stared at him. 

"And you are human. You need to vent. And who knows I might be able to help!" Steve, with our tea, walked into the living room. He "cleared" off two armchairs and we sat down. Steve sighed and knew I wasn't going to say a thing until he told me why he was so upset. 

"I think we should stop meeting for awhile." He said. I was confused. Meeting? Who? I guess Steve saw my look of utter confusion. He continued, "Our church services, I mean." Ta- da! The light went on and I understood for about two more seconds. 

"What? Why?" I cried. 

"Over the past couple of weeks I've noticed that we are being watched. I drove past the church (just a note here Diary, the church is actually his parent's old house. We use the living room as the area for the services.) and there have been cars parked outside of it." 

"Neighbours." I replied immediately. Steve shook his head. 

"I have a friend who is a police officer. He told me that they think that there might be 'illegal religious practices' going on there. It would be safer for everyone to not go to church anymore." 

"What if we could meet somewhere else?" 

"Where?" 

"I don't know but we can't stop meeting! There are tons of people, including me, count on those services! It's the highlight of our week. You really help us, Steve. How about this? We have service tomorrow and you tell everyone what's up. If there are still people who want to risk it then let them come... unless it's you who doesn't want to risk it?" Steve looked away. 

"You would think being a pastor would make me trust God all the way. Yeah, Mia, I am afraid. That's why my place is a mess. I've been praying all week. I guess... some things have to be done in order to please God. Who can hurt me when I have God on my side?" Steve said. I nodded. He decided to continue to have the services. If God wanted him to be caught then that's what would happen. "I will continue my ministry in the prison then!" I totally agreed. 

LORD, PLEASE GIVE STEVE THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE HIS MINISTRY WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH DANGER. GIVE HIM STRENGTH. LORD, PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH. HELP ME TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ALL POWERFUL AND YOU HAVE A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. IF YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO MY FAMILY ABOUT YOU PLEASE GIVE ME THE COURAGE AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO. THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORD. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US, THROUGH YOU WORD, THE COMFORT WE SEEK WHEN WE ARE AFRAID AND WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

Afternoon 

Diary, 

Hurrah! We are safe today! No one came and raided the church. We had an awesome sermon. It was about trusting the Lord and that He overcomes everything. Then Steve told the rest of the group what he told me yesterday. A lot of people looked scared. But also a lot of people looked content. Like they were still going to come even through there was danger. David pointed out there has always been danger but since it was as obvious as it is now we weren't afraid. Daniel, David, Matthew, Anne and I have all agreed to continue going. We are going to be strong! Hurrah! Anyway, I'm at Anne's so I probably should stop writing and pay attention to everyone else. 

-Mia 

Before bed 

Diary, 

Matthew and Anne annoy me so much! 

"Mia, isn't that diary a little dangerous?" Anne asked after I put in my purse. 

"No, why?" 

"Well you are revealing other names of Christians in it. You could get in a lot of trouble with it and a lot of other people could get in trouble." Anne explained. She talked like she was conversing with a two- year old. Grr. 

"Anne, it's not that big of a deal. I'm really careful not to let anyone else see it. I'm the only who writes in it and I'm the only one who reads it." 

"What if the church got raided today? You had it on you! The police could have read it then!" 

"Only if I got caught." I said. Okay I knew she was right. I could get Daniel in a lot of trouble. It's a worst crime to be caught converting people than it is to be just a Christian but this diary was a way to vent to get out all my annoyances. I've been writing in a diary ever since elementary school. My entries were a little silly than but I felt better afterwards and same with now. Okay, my entries are no longer "silly" but I do feel better. It helps me sort out my thoughts and after a while I read it and I see that the Lord really does answer my prayers. But Anne is right. So next time I go to church I won't bring my diary with me. I'll hide it under my mattress at home or something. But I'm not going to throw it out. I refuse to. 

-Mia 

2nd period 

(Outside the principal's office) 

Diary, 

Anne was right! I should have been more careful with this book! But no! I didn't care! I just had to write in class; I just had to read my Bible every spare second! I'm just proving my point by writing in here now! Why won't I learn? Well, since I am already doomed I might as well explain myself. I was in the library researching for a presentation we have to do when my teacher walked up to me. She had this really strange look of her face. 

"Amelia? The principal wishes to see you." I grabbed my stuff and I began to panic. What did I do? Is someone hurt? Have I been found out? Did someone see me writing in here and read one of my prayers? And so now I sit here panicking. I guess this is one of those times I need to put my trust in God. But it's so hard! Okay, LORD I TRUST- oh here he comes! 

-Mia 

At home 

Diary, 

I never knew... I should have known... my sister was found out to be a Christian. I feel so selfish! There I was, worrying about myself when it's my sister who needed praying for. It was her in danger! I need to write down what happened in the office. 

The principal walked up to me as I threw my diary in my bag. 

"Amelia Rutherford?" I nodded and without saying a word he walks me to his office and shuts the door. Mom and Dad were sitting at the desk. Mom stood up and wrapped me in a hug. I was terrified now. Was this the final good- bye? Would the SWAT team run in here down and pin me down? Or would they just shoot me? I looked at my crying mother. 

"Mommy?" I whispered. I haven't called Mom 'mommy' since I was a little girl. The principal cleared his throat. I glanced at him. He was staring at me with fake pity. 

"Amelia, your sister has been accused of being a Christian." He said. 

"What?" I stammered, "No... that's isn't right. She would have told me." I didn't believe him. Sam and I were close. She would have told me. She tells me everything. Then it crossed my mind. She didn't tell me for the same reasons I didn't tell her. She was scared. Mom finally spoke. 

"She was holding a prayer meeting in her room. She and several others were arrested." I began to cry. I am so scared for her. Dad took my arm and lead me and mom out of the office. 

PLEASE, LORD, KEEP MY SISTER SAFE. PROTECT HER. GUIDE HER AND KEEP HER STRONG. THANK YOU FOR THE FACT THAT SHE FOUND YOU. LORD... PLEASE HELP ME TO TRUST YOU MORE. HELP ME TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY COMFORT AND I CANNOT DO A THING ON MY OWN. THANK YOU AND PLEASE... IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

After Lunch 

Diary, 

I decided to stay home today. I didn't want to see anyone. Daniel called last night. Daniel promised to pray for Sam. I didn't tell him about my own conflicts. I think I am going to spend the rest of today saturating myself in God's Word. 

-Mia 

My Findings: 

- Isaiah 43:2-4 - "When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour. I gave Egypt, Ethiopia, and Seba as a ransom for your freedom. Others died that you might live. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honoured, and I love you." 

- Jesus talks about trust a lot. Birds and flowers don't worry, why should I? God always takes care of His children. 

LORD, YOU SPEAK A LOT ABOUT TRUST. I HAVE A HARD TIME TRUSTING YOU. I LIKE TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN. I KNOW THAT IS WRONG. YOU WANT TO HELP ME AND YOU WANT TO KEEP US SAFE. YOU ARE THE MOTHER HEN AND WE ARE THE CHICKS. HELP ME TO LEAN ON YOU AND TRUST YOU. HELP ME BE A BETTER CHRISTIAN. HELP ME BE STRONG IN YOU. THANK YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

Late at night 

Diary, 

I can't sleep. After I finished writing in here Dad asked me if I wanted to come with them to see Sam. That's a no brainer. I agreed. I was nervous as we drove up. I left my diary under my bed at home. I knew this would be totally different than from I spoke with Jocelyn. 

We waited in a visitor room for almost a half hour. There was a camera on the ceiling. I guess it's there to watch the criminals and to make sure they don't hurt anyone. The door opened and the guards practically threw Sam in. She was wearing a red jumper and her hands and feet were cuffed. It looked like she had been beaten up. My eyes filled with tears. How could anyone be so cruel? I ran to Sam and hugged her. 

"Sam... how are you so brave?" I cried. She smiled at me. 

"I am not. It's only with God's grace that I can stand here with you. It's only with His strength I can say I am not afraid because He is with me and He comforts me." She said. 

"Samantha shut up! Amelia doesn't need to hear your religious bullshit!" Mom snapped. Sam sat down on one of the chairs in the room. She continued to smile. I sat next to her. Our parents remained standing. 

"Mom, I am not lying. Jesus is the way." Sam said. 

"Your 'lord' is causing you to suffer! What kind of God is that?" 

"A perfect one. He isn't causing my suffering but man's sinful nature is. Suffering comes from man's disobedient of God's Will," Mom smirked at that answer, "Mom, why did you come here?" 

"To knock some sense into my little brainwashed girl!" Mom cried. 

"Honey, just tell them you aren't a Jesus Freak. Then you can come home with us. You can be with your family." Dad said. 

"No. I cannot give up my faith in the One Most High." 

"Sam... why did the guards hurt you?" I asked quietly. 

"Mia, this is such a small price to pay. Jesus suffered so much for us and the Father gives us so very much more! I wish I could express the love that Christ Jesus gives!" I wanted to tell her then. In front of Mom, Dad and that camera I wanted to tell her that I was a follower of the Lord Jesus! But, as usual, I was too afraid. I hate pain... I don't think I could stand it and I would fail God... Mom walked over to Sam and slapped her across the face. It reopened a cut on Sam's face. Sam continued to smile at Mom. I was filled with anger. How could she do that? 

"Mom!" I cried. Sam is her own daughter! 

"Mia, calm down. She wanted to keep you safe. She doesn't want you to suffer. But, remember, nor does Jesus." 

"Sam what if there is no God? What if you are wrong?" Dad asked. 

"What if I am right? What do I have to lose?" 

"Your life!" Mom cried, she paused, "Sammy, I'm sorry. Please just say you aren't a Christian. You don't have to mean it... please come home with us." 

"My Lord says, `but if anyone denies me here on earth, I will deny that person before my Father in heaven.'" 

"So you are going to deny your family the right to have their daughter, sister with them?" Dad protested. 

"Paul said this, 'If we die with Him, we will also live with Him. If we endure hardship, we will reign with Him. If we deny Him, He will deny us. If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.' I cannot deny my love for Jesus." My parents looked at each other and they, both, hugged Sam. 

"If that's what you want to do..." Dad said, "Good- bye." Then Mom and Dad walked to the door. I stood up and hugged my sister. 

"I believe in Him too." I whispered then went to join my parents. Sam grinned at me. Nothing was said on the ride home. I wonder what my parents are thinking? Are they even sad? 

When we entered our house I ran straight to my room. Since then I have been trying to shut out my thoughts: what if I was in that situation? Could I be that strong? Or would I fail? I wonder if other Christians think the same? Or are they stronger than I am? 

LORD... HELP. AMEN. 

-Mia 

I think I'm going to cry

My world is shot

And I am in pain

How can I follow You?

It hurts so much

Trust You

Love You

You know best

It hurts

It pains

It won't go away

You will make think better

Trust You

Love You

You know best.

1st period 

Diary, 

Mom told me I should go to school today. "It's best to have things return to normal." Are my parents even hurting at all? At least my friends care. Daniel suggested skipping school and just hang out all day at the coffee shop. I (obviously) denied. I then asked them my thoughts: are they scared? Anne and Matthew shook their heads, proclaiming that they trust God 100%. David, at least, wasn't so full of it. 

"I get scared sometimes. I dread to think what would happen if my parents found out. I have no doubt in my mind that Dad would turn me in. But I force myself to remember what Jesus said, 'do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust in Me.' So then I think, why should I worry? The Lord is with me." I think Daniel was the most honest. He pretty much said the same as David but then said, "Sure I remember God's words but there is no point in fooling anyone. I have a hard time totally relying on Jesus. It's one thing to say, 'I believe' but it's a completely another thing to act on that belief, understand?" So Daniel is in the same boat as me. I think he is a little further along in the river but we can help each other. 

"You think there are other Christians at our school?" I asked. Anne laughed at me. 

"D'uh. You honesty think we are the only ones?" she smirked. She really annoys me! 

"Hey, Dave, want to help me find them?" Daniel asked. David agreed. I really hope they can find some. If not maybe we can connect with some of the teenagers at church. Maybe we could start a support group or something! That's a neat idea. 

LORD, HELP DANIEL AND DAVID ON THEIR QUEST TO FIND OTHER CHRISTIANS. HELP US FIND SUPPORT WITH EACH OTHER AS WELL AS IN YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

4th period 

Diary, 

I hate people! Okay, so when a religious person is caught it's all over the papers as a deterrent. So now everyone knows that Sam has been caught. Is anyone sympathetic to the sad sister? NO! This one guy, who I used to think was really fine, said, "Yeah, I love to see those Christians freaks burn! Mia, don't grieve your sister, she's getting what she deserves." This other really quiet girl, Amy, said, "As much as I hate to see people hurt or killed, she broke a law and therefore must be punished." I was almost sick. How could they say such things? They don't even know Sam! How can they make such harsh judgements? I hate this world! 

-Mia 

Before bed 

Diary, 

There is no comfort at home. Mom is on a cleaning frenzy and Dad... he is just sitting in the living room doing nothing. But then, tonight, I did something really weird. I was on the net, and I was searching for information on Jesus comforting people and I found a tract. So I downloaded it. Initially I downloaded it for myself but instead of keeping it I put it inside our mailbox for Mom and Dad to find. I wonder what they will say when they find it? 

DEAR LORD, PLEASE LET THAT TRACT TOUCH THEM. LET THEM SEE YOUR LOVE AND OPEN THEIR HEARTS SO THEY CAN EMBRACE YOU. IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

1st period 

Diary, 

Updates: 

-Daniel and David are unsuccessful on finding other Christians at this point 

- Mom and Dad haven't found the tract as of the time I left for school 

- It's Friday and therefore we have church in a couple of days! 

-Mia 

4th period 

Diary, 

Amy approached me today at lunch. 

"Mia? I want to say sorry about yesterday. I feel really bad." She said softly. I nodded and turned back to my locker. 

"I understand if you don't want to listen but I feel that I have to tell you this. There have been a lot more arrests lately and they are making me think. Why risk your life for nothing? When Jocelyn died it was a huge shock. She became one of them overnight and at her trial she seemed so filled with joy. She didn't seem upset at all that she would be killed. She seemed so glad for this fictitious Jesus." I slammed my locker shut. I was wondering what was her point? 

"So I began to search for this man. It was hard. On public Internet all Christian related sites are against it. Full of propaganda. I didn't know how to find out about this man that people will die for," she stopped, "I cannot continue here. The hallways will be too crowded and it will be too dangerous. Will you meet me after school? I need to finish this." What could I say? She, for some unknown reason, no longer seemed like the enemy. I agreed. So after school I am going to her house to "talk". I'm praying that this isn't some sort of trap. Granted Amy doesn't seem the type but who knows? I am praying for God's protection. Wish me luck. 

-Mia 

Evening 

Diary, 

Continuing on with the story. After school I met Amy at my locker. We walked out to car. I loved her car- a yellow bug! I want one when I can afford it. We drove to her house and went to her room. She shut the door and put on a CD. She smiled at me nervously. I wondered if she was thinking if she could really trust me? 

"Zak, won't be home for a while." She said as she sat down. 

"Zak?" I asked. 

"He's my brother. My parents died when I was a baby. They were both Christians. Zak says they got what they deserved, leaving two children behind. He calls them selfish. Always tells me that they died for some false God. He says he would like to have seen their faces when they discovered there was no God." 

"Do you believe him?" I asked. 

"With Zak's attitude, I grew up angry with my parents. I needed them, why didn't they care enough?" Amy's eyes filled up with tears, "When I read about your sister all that anger resurfaced. Your sister is choosing death over a family who needs her." 

"She believes it's the best." I said. 

"That brings me back to where I stopped earlier. Who would leave everything for an invisible being? These past couple of weeks I've been obsessed. Who is this man? Who is this Jesus? Public services weren't helping. They said that Jesus was a man who people thought was God. People, namely Christians, spend lies that He was raised from the dead after He was crucified. They also spend lies that He was perfect. But, rest assured, these were all lies. No one would be saved from the fiery pits of hell by faith in Him because there is no hell or God. 

"Again I was asking why then do these people die for these lies? Surely they are aware of the fact their religion is false! I needed help. An old friend of Zak's turned Christian helped me. Zak still doesn't know that Mark is a Christian. That's probably good. Anyway, Mark guided me through private Internet and to pro- Christian sites. It took me several more days to find one that was understandable to me. I didn't understand terms like 'trinity' or 'grace of God.' I really didn't know what John 3:16 meant. Was the Webmaster telling his friend John to meet him at 3:16pm? Then I found a teenaged Christian site- Jesus Freaks Lives! It explained everything. That Webmaster had such a passion and love for this God. He (I almost protested at this point! I wrote it, thank you very much!) explained who Jesus is and why Christians call Him Lord. He even explained what John 3:16 meant! Then next to that there was their holy book, a Bible. I downloaded it and read that book John first. I was shocked. Could this man really be God? And if that story is true... why would this God want to suffer for us?" 

"Because He loves us," I answered, "Because He knows none of us are good enough to make it into Heaven and He wants us to go there." 

"Mia... are you a Christian?" I nodded. The instant after I thought I was going to be sick. What if this whole thing was a trap? Breathe... don't let your heart be troubled. 

"Mia, how are you willing to die for Jesus? What if you are wrong?" 

"I am willing because I know I am right. Jesus saved me from death once and I know He exists." I then told her my story of how I found Jesus. Just a side note, I never mentioned Daniel's name. She said nothing for a moment. 

"That's the truth?" she asked. I nodded. She frowned. 

"Amy... if you want you could come to church with me. You could talk with my pastor or with other Christians." I suggested. 

"Well, I don't know. Could I get back to you? I need to think some more." I nodded again. I'm glad Amy's heart is (slowly) being opened to God. Amy, then, promised to keep our talk a secret and asked if she could call me if she had anymore questions. I agreed. 

LORD, PLEASE ALLOW AMY TO RECEIVE YOU AS LORD AND SAVIOUR. LET HER SEE THAT YOU ARE GOD AND THAT YOU LOVE EACH ONE OF US. PLEASE, IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

So I went home. Aie. Well my parents found the tract and Mom was furious. Plus she was blaming it on Sam! 

"She sends us this piece of... and what? We are supposed to forgive her? Is she expecting us to fell to our knees and believe this crap?" Mom then noticed that I came home. 

"Where were you?" 

"I left a message on the phone. I went to Amy's." I said. Dad was reading the tract. 

"Jesus isn't on Earth anymore. He cannot make us feel better!" Dad cried, "He is the reason why my little baby is leaving!" he turned and left the room, after throwing the tract on the ground. I reached over to pick it up but Mom yanked it away from me. 

"I don't want you to read this garbage! I don't want to lose another daughter. Listen to me, Mia, Jesus isn't real. He's like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, just something people make up to amuse themselves. It's really sad when they can no longer separate their delusions from reality." She turned away from me and threw out the tract. I could tell she was crying. I know they are hurting. I guess they just don't want me to see their pain. Do they think if they are strong, I will be too? Mom, Dad, don't you see Jesus loves you? 

LORD, I WANT THEM TO SEE YOU! BUT I AFRAID TO DO MORE. LORD WHAT SHOULD I DO? DO I LEAVE THEM ANOTHER TRACT? OR NOTHING? DO I GIVE THEM TIME? PLEASE HELP ME... PLEASE HELP AND COMFORT MY PARENTS. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

After Church 

Diary, 

I want to spend some time to thank God for everything He has given me and my friends. After services like today you want to tell God how thankful you are for being safe. 

THANK YOU LORD FOR MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME AND KEEPING ME SAFE FROM HARM. THANK YOU FOR KEEPING DANIEL SAFE. THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ALL MY FRIENDS SAFE. THANK YOU FOR THE LEADERS OF THE CHURCH AND THE GUIDANCE THEY BRING. THANK YOU FOR ANSWERED PRAYERS. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU! AMEN. 

-Mia 

1st period 

Diary, 

I told Daniel about the whole tract situation. He said he wished could do the same thing with his parents but he knows his parents (or more correctly his dad) would assume it was him who put them there and he would get in trouble. He told me to keep sending them to my parents. It's unfortunate that Mom and Dad blame Sam but at least the message is given to them. Also he told me that I needn't given them a tract every day but once in a while. So I might just do that. Give them a tract once or twice a week and sees what happened. 

Danny and I had one of those mornings where David, Matthew and Anne weren't around to nit pick everything we said. That was nice. I still don't see why Daniel likes them. But whatever. 

*Note to Self*- talk to Amy later with week. I want to see how she is doing with her search and if I can be of any assistance. I trust Amy now so I'm not as afraid. Anyway I should get started with my class work. Later! 

-Mia 

Evening 

Diary, 

The past couple of days I've spent on the Internet looking up tracts I can use with my parents. I know I can't convince them with just words of comfort from Jesus since they don't even believe that He exists! I found this one that briefly proved the existence of Jesus. On the same site I downloaded two more: one that proved that Jesus died and did rise again and then other explained Jesus' claim to Godship. I'm still a little afraid to give them the tracts. What if they figure out it's me? What if they turn me in? I have to trust God with this. I HAVE to. I'm giving them one tonight, one Sunday then one next Wednesday or something like that. 

PLEASE LORD ALLOW THESE WORDS TO TOUCH THEIR HEARTS AND LET THEM SEE THAT YOU AREN'T JUST A FAIRY TALE BUT A REAL LIFE GOD THAT CARES FOR THEM AND LOVES THEM. PLEASE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

Later 

Diary, 

Argh. I just suffered through a parental talk. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents but I hate it when one (or both) tried to act all concerned and stuff. It's annoying. Yeah, they are worried about me but please! If I say nothing is wrong; then nothing is wrong. 

So, Dad walked into my room while I'm trying to study my history. He sits down on my bed. 

"Mia... are you okay?" he asked. Now remember, this is totally out of the blue. 

"Yeah Dad." Going back to studying. 

"Really? Are you sure you are okay? Do you want to talk about what's happening with Sam?" It's kind of like he is talking to an eight- year- old instead of his seventeen- year- old. 

"Dad, it doesn't matter. It's not like we can do anything about it." I'm trying to give that whole problem to God. I'm learning to trust Him; Sam is. 

"I know honey. You seem... rather not understanding of this whole issue." I smirked at him. What's not to understand? I understood perfectly. 

"Dad, I understand. She's a Christian and therefore under our government she must die. Like Jocelyn." See Dad? I get it. It's not fair and I hate it with every part of me but I get it. 

"Are you okay with this?" What does he want me to say? Well... I didn't handle the situation very well. I lost my temper and almost blew it. 

"Am I okay with the fact I'm going to lose my sister? No! Never! You think the government is right! Burn the witches! But you don't understand! You are the one who doesn't 'get it'! You don't know-" I stopped. I almost said 'you don't know the pressures of loving God.' That would have been really bad. Dad hugged me then. He told me that he did understand and that no matter what he loved me. He told me he really wanted to save Sam and he loved her too. So in this hug this thought hit me. I think it was a God- thing. God loved His image- bearers so much that He died for us! I just thought it was amazing. He died for us. I was reminded how lucky I was for being able to be His follower. Now I understood why Sam wanted to die for Jesus. I began to cry. Dad thought I was crying because of Sam. God is so great and powerful and merciful. 

"Oh Mia..." he whispered. 

"Daddy?" I suddenly asked, "Did you ever know Jesus?" I have no clue why I asked him this. He seemed surprised at my answer. 

"Yes, Mia. When I was your age I knew of Jesus but when I grew up I learnt better. Jesus is a fairy tale. He's not real," He stood up and smiled at me, "You better finish your homework." Then he left. I wondered how he knew Jesus? Were any of his friends a Christian or something? Anyway I'm going to get some milk before I go to bed. 'Night! 

-Mia 

Later 

Diary! I cannot believe what I just overheard! I went down to get some milk and I thought I heard crying. I went to investigate. I pinpointed the crying in the rec. room. I crept down really quietly and it was Dad! He was on his knees. I was about to ask him if he was okay when he began to speak! 

"Damn You! Here I am! On my knees begging You! Why can't You leave me alone? Why can't You leave my family alone? But no! You have to try and grab my attention! I don't want anything to do with You! I loved You once! I loved You! And how do You repay me? By taking away my best friend! But I still loved You after that! I still did! But then You decided to have my father killed! And then You expect me to love You after that? You want me to continue to follow You! I refuse! You promised to take care of Your followers! Killing them isn't taking care of them! And after thirty years of rejecting You, You still annoy me! Now You are after my daughter! My daughter! And don't think I don't know about You nosing around my youngest daughter! What kind of God are You? You are a liar! A deceiver! A lunatic! Just, please, leave my family alone! Please!" I stood frozen at the door. I still cannot believe what I heard. Dad was a Christian? And so was Granddad? I crept back upstairs. Dad was so angry with God. I don't understand. Sure, God does things that we don't agree with and think is wrong but it's always for the greater good. I wonder if I should go back and talk to him? I wonder if I should tell him that Jesus really does love him and wants to care for him. Hum. 

LORD I SEE THAT YOU ARE REACHING FOR MY DAD'S HEART. THANK YOU. PLEASE ALLOW HIM TO SEE THAT YOU ARE A GOOD GOD AND THAT BAD THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. PLEASE HELP HIM LOVE YOU AGAIN. 

-Mia 

After Supper 

Diary, 

Matthew 18: 12-14. I found that posted when I was updating the site. That's all it said. Curious, I looked it up on the E- Bible that Daniel and I have up on the site. As I read that passage I immediately thought of my dad. I printed out the passage. It is a parable about how a Shepard would leave his 99 other sheep in order to find his lost one. It signifies that God would do anything to get His lost children back. 

Anyway, I'm thinking of mailing it to Dad. Of course I won't put a return address on it. But, honesty, I feel really discouraged right now. Mom (and Dad) flipped out when they discovered the new one. 

"I can't believe this garbage!" Mom cried at dinner. She was pointing to the tract that Dad had in his hand. They refuse to let me see it at all. When I asked if I could Mom cried, "There is no way my little girl is going to be brainwashed by those freaks!" I really wonder if I should just give up. Mom is so hardened against Jesus and Dad... well that's a different story. I doubt that Mom knows that Dad used to be a Christian. I wouldn't think so. Whenever Dad sees the tract he becomes quiet. Mom yells about how stupid, silly, crazy, etc Christians are. Dad doesn't say a word. 

I'm getting sad thinking about this. Sometimes I just can't believe how this world got so against God. They seem to hate everything about Him. Some people hate Him for, to me, no reason at all. Others were taught things about God when they were younger that is wrong about Him and now they will not search out the Truth because they think they already have the truth. Others will make up their own beliefs without any proof behind it. There are people who attack Christians just out of hate. I know our beliefs are illegal... but. My heart aches to see the hatred of God when He loves us so much! Even when you tell some of these people that God loves them they don't believe you. I really hate this world. 

-Mia 


	6. Chapter Four

Chapter Four 

_Do not fear those who can kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both body and soul in hell. Matthew 11:28 _

1st period 

Diary, 

Amy, Danny and I were hanging out be Daniel's locker when David ran up to us. He smiled at Amy. 

"Can I tell him?" I asked Amy. She blushed but then nodded. 

"Amy is coming to church with us Sunday!" I whispered excitedly. David grinned. 

"That's awesome!" he exclaimed. Amy blushed an even deeper red. 

"So what's up?" Daniel asked David. David became very serious. 

"I really need to talk to you guys. Come to my house after supper, okay? Amy, you can come too if you would like." Amy smiled. 

"Thanks but I shouldn't. Zak may need my help tonight. He wants to have a couple of friends over and the house isn't the cleanest." She explained. 

"Dave, what's wrong?" I asked. 

"Tell you tonight. Later." David took off down the hall. I looked at Daniel who shrugged. I guess we will find out what's wrong tonight. I hope it's nothing major. 

-Mia 

On bus 

Concentrating on writing neatly. Should have waited until later. Amy is coming tonight. 

-Mia 

Late 

Diary, 

I'm going to get right to what happened tonight. Daniel picked up both me and Amy tonight. Then we went over to David's. Matthew and Anne were already there. Anne made a face at Amy. We sat down in David's room. 

"Everyone knows Amy, right?" David asked. Anne rolled her eyes. 

"No offence but why is she here?" Anne sneered. Amy looked embarrassed. Daniel glared at Anne as did I. Why did she have to be so rude? 

"I invited her. I figured since she is joining us Sunday she has a right to know." David replied. 

"Know what?" Matthew asked. 

"The Leaders are coming to town." We froze. The room was dead quiet. Amy recovered the fastest. 

"Why?" she asked. 

"My dad." He looked away from us. 

"Why?" Anne demanded. Another pause. 

"My dad is getting promoted and they want to come down to congratulate him." 

"If they weren't so evil; I would say what an honour that would be." Amy whispered. Anne rolled her eyes. 

"Amy, you don't seem to understand. Maybe that's because you aren't saved yet but people like us... what do you like to call us? Oh right 'freaks' are going to die. Die." She snapped. Amy turned red. 

"When are they coming?" Daniel asked quickly, hoping to avoid fight between the two of them. 

"In a week or so. Then will be a public announcement on Monday. There is going to be a huge party when they come." 

"Is there going to be an increase in security?" Matthew asked. Daniel leaned over to me and whispered, "Mia, are you okay?" he knew I was being too quiet. 

"Yeah sure." I felt a small headache coming on. David answered that he didn't know if there was going to be an increase. As the headache grew I began to worry. Would there be more searches? Would those in jail be punished even more so? I briefly thought of my sister. We soon went home early. What could we talk about after an announcement like that? 

LORD, HELP US WITH THESE COMING WEEKS. PLEASE KEEP US SAFE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

After Church 

Diary, 

David made the announcement to our church today. Steve, immediately, stood up and told everyone he would have prayer meetings all this week at his place to pray for safety of the Christians. Danny, David and I told Steve that we would come Wednesday to pray with him. Again the group was sobered. I went home straight after. 

LORD EVEN IN THIS TIME OF GREAT DARKNESS, PLEASE LIFT UP YOUR CHILDREN. PLEASE MAKE US STRONG AND LET US SEE YOUR LIGHT. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

4th period 

Diary, 

They put the radio announcement about the Leaders on the P.A. at the beginning on this period. Most students were so excited. They hoped to meet the Leaders and figured this was an awesome chance to show their support. I feel sick. 

-Mia 

Evening 

Diary, 

Amy called me tonight. 

"I didn't really get a chance to talk to you about Sunday." She said. THUNK! because of all the buzz about the Leaders coming, Amy's visit wasn't such a big or special deal as it should have been. 

"I'm so sorry Amy!" I cried. She laughed. 

"That's okay, Mia." 

"What are you thinking now?" 

"Steve is really interesting. But I guess I didn't get the whole effect because of the Leader thing." 

"Actually... you did." 

"What? We all come in at different times! And we had that old mouldy birthday cake on the table!" 

"Well Amy," I said, "we have to come at different times so the authorities don't think we having a church service. Also the cake, we should probably tell Steve it's time to get a new one, is in case the police do come it looks like we are having a birthday party. Steve got that idea from when Christianity was illegal in the Middle Eastern countries that is what some Christians did!" Amy giggled but fell silent. 

"Have you ever been in a raid?" she asked. I said no but told her the story about Steve's family and the warning he receive from his friend. Again Amy said nothing. 

"Do you want to come with me to Steve's on Wednesday?" 

"I don't know yet." 

"That's okay." 

"Do you think Steve will talk to me? I have a few questions for him." 

"I'm sure he would. Why don't I give you his phone number and you can call him?" 

"Well... okay." I told Amy his phone number, praying silently that Zak wouldn't get the number, and we hung up. 

LORD, PLEASE ALLOW AMY TO RECEIVE YOU. HELP HER GET OVER HER FEARS ABOUT FOLLOWING YOU. HELP US ALL GET OVER OUR WORRIES AND FEARS. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia. 

4th period 

Diary, 

After school we are going to Steve's. As of now it's just Danny, David and myself. I don't know who else from the church is going to be there. 

LORD, PLEASE PROTECT US TODAY. IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

Evening 

Diary, 

We arrived at Steve's around four o'clock. We stopped to drop off our bags at home and then we went to buy Steve some supper. We knocked on his door. He let us in. *Just a note: His place was really clean this time* I couldn't help thinking about Sam. She was arrested at a meeting like this. Daniel must have sensed what I was thinking and he put his arm around me. Steve smelt the fried chicken we had brought him. 

"Shall we eat this later?" he asked. We nodded. 

"Is this it?" I asked. Where was everyone else? 

"Yup," Steve called from the kitchen, "I had a couple of people over yesterday and one person the day before. As of now no one else is coming the rest of the week." 

"That's awful!" David said, "You think everyone else is too afraid?" 

"Or they might be busy. It isn't a big deal, is it?" I thought it was. We were praying for our safety. Daniel smiled weakly at me. He thought it was important too. We sat down in the living room. Steve pulled out a notepad. 

"What, or who, shall we pray for?" he asked. 

"My dad." David replied immediately. Steve wrote that down on the notepad. 

"Those who face persecution." Daniel added. 

"Sam." I whispered. 

"Have you talked to her lately?" Steve asked. 

"I didn't know if I could visit her." Steve frowned. 

"Probably not. But let's pray you can." I thanked him. For the next hour or so we prayed. Sometimes we would pray aloud; other times we would be praying in silent. I felt the Holy Spirit so strongly in that room. I think we all did because by the end we were all crying. We also prayed for Amy. We prayed that she would receive Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour. I prayed silently that my parents would welcome Jesus into their hearts. 

We ate in silence. We were all thinking about the power we had felt during the meeting. We were almost finished eating when David asked me a question. 

"Mia, do you want me to drive you to see Sam?" I was shocked. Why would he want to? 

"Are you sure? It isn't a pleasant experience." I asked him. 

"Yes, I am sure." 

"Thank you." Daniel seemed out of place. 

"I'll pray for you two." David and I thanked him. 

THANK- YOU LORD FOR REVEALING YOURSELF TO US. THANK- YOU FOR SENDING YOUR SON TO US SO WE COULD BE SAVED AND BE WITH YOU. THANK- YOU FOR LISTENING TO US. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

Evening 

Diary, 

We went. Mom and Dad still don't know what I did tonight. I'm not sure if I want to tell them. 

After school David and I drove straight to the prison. We didn't stop to drop our bags off or anything. I think we both thought if we stopped anywhere we would lose our nerve. We parked his car and walked up the stairs to the foreboding building. I was shaking. David took my hand and whispered to me that it would be okay. We walked up to the front desk. The woman peered at us from behind the bulletproof glass. 

"What?" her muffled voice came through the speaker. 

"We want to see Samantha Rutherford." David said. He stared her down. I couldn't say a thing. I am so glad that David was with me. The woman stared at David. It was like they were having a staring contest. The woman, after a few minutes, broke first. 

"Who are you?" she snapped. 

"I am David Orwell." The woman smirked. 

"You are a little to young." 

"I am his son." I could tell David was trying to be nice. She stared at him. David starred back. 

"Just a moment." The woman stood up and disappeared from our view. I looked at David. He smiled at me. 

"I hate using my dad's name like that." Suddenly two men appeared from behind us. 

"You David Orwell?" David faced the huge man. I immediately thought these men looked like they were a part of the Leader's security team. I thanked God for making us leaving our bags in the car. 

"Yes." He replied. I thought I heard his voice crack but I might be wrong. We followed the two men down the hall and into a bare white room. 

"Wait here." One said and left. 

"Don't worry." David whispered. I was trying not to cry. Why on Earth did we come? Another man entered the room. 

"Hello Mr. Orwell, Miss..." 

"Her name is Amelia." David snapped, pretending to be a big shot. 

"Sorry Amelia. We need to check to make sure you guys are safe to talk to the prisoner." The man apologized. I paled. They were going to search us? I knew I had nothing incriminating on me but I still hated the idea. David did too, as he told me after, but he didn't protest. The man, whose name was Saul Tarson, asked us to empty our pockets. He looked through our spring jackets and when he only found pieces of lent, he told us to wait. 

"Never again." I mouthed to David. He didn't reply. He looked rather pale himself. Then the door opened. Sam walked in, again cuffed. She looked worst than before and she was paler and thinner. 

"Mia!" she seemed surprised. Her voice sounded different too. The only thing I noticed that hadn't changed was the love of God on her face. 

"Sam..." I began to cry. David smiled and introduced himself. 

"Samantha, I think you are really brave." He said. Sam smiled. 

"I am not brave," she laughed, "The guards don't like me. Since I came here there have been three conversions." I hoped Sam knew how happy I was to hear that. 

"Is it terrible in there?" David asked. Sam thought for a moment. 

"There are times I want to give in to them. I think this would all be over if I just lied. But then I remember Jesus' sacrifice to us. The night He was arrested He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to die but He knew He had to follow His Father's way. I must too. Things aren't easy but they are God's way and I must follow." Three guards ran in with Billy bats raised. 

"Freak! I told you to not to mention that lunatic name!" one screamed as the other two began to beat her with the bats. 

"Stop!" I screamed, "Oh please! Stop!" They stopped. The first guard kicked her. 

"When the Leaders come you will be the first to die," he spit on my sister then turned to me, "I have lost my best guards to her foolish beliefs. Sorry Mr. Orwell but I am going to return this freak to her cell," He turned to Sam, "Maybe some solitary confinement would shut you up." He spit on her again as the other guard, roughly, pulled Sam to her feet. 

"You will never shut me up about my Lord. Mia, don't be afraid. The Lord loves and cares for us!" The first guard whacked her with his bat. They left. I turned to David and he wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed. Why did I need to see her? Why are people so cruel? 

LORD, PLEASE CONTINUE TO GIVE SAM THE STRENGTH TO GO ON. REMIND HER OF YOUR UNDYING LOVE AND THAT ALL SHE SUFFERS IS FOR THE GREATER GOOD. THANK YOU THAT SOME PEOPLE IN THAT JAIL HAVE TURNED TO YOU. THANK YOU. 

David and I were quiet on the ride home. We didn't say much. As we pulled into my driveway he took my hand. 

"Can we pray for her?" he whispered. I nodded and we did. Afterwards we felt a peace after our hearts. I know God has Sam in there for a reason. Everything He does is for His perfect plan. 

LORD, HELP YOUR CHILDREN (MYSELF ESPECIALLY) TO BE MORE TRUSTING IN YOU. HELP US TO LOVE YOU MORE AND TRUST YOU FULLY. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. 

-Mia 

Afternoon

Diary,

I feel drained. I am so tired. I think I could sleep forever. I stayed home today. I just didn't feel like going to school and having to face everyone's questions about last night. I do feel bad about leaving David alone to face the questions. My poor sister... how can she be so strong? Writing what I'm feeling isn't making me feel any better...

-Mia

Later Afternoon

Diary,

David called. He wanted to say sorry for missing school today. I laughed.

"I stayed home too!"

"We can't let this get us down." David sounded very serious.

"I know." I became quiet.

"There is strength in prayer."

"And the worst isn't over yet. It isn't over by a long shot." I didn't want to get into this conversation, so I told him that I should call Daniel and find out what I missed. Luckily, I don't have school until Monday. Maybe I'll just hide out in my room for the rest of the weekend.

LORD, PLEASE UPHOLD ME. KEEP ME STRONG. PLEASE KEEP DAVID STRONG AND DANIEL TOO. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Night

Diary,

Daniel showed up at my door this afternoon.

"Okay I let you mope all yesterday. Let's go out and cheer you up!" Daniel commanded. So we decided to go out for pizza and bowling. The pizza was delicious! We had pepperoni and extra cheese. On one half, we had on olives and bacon (that's my half!) and Daniel's half he had pineapple and green peppers! We ate the whole pizza... okay it was only an eight slice but it was so yummy!

Then we hopped in Daniel's car and drove to the bowling alley. Honestly, I am pretty good but Danny... he plays not so hot. He just "throws" the ball. Doesn't aim, doesn't time, just chucks the ball. After the first game he figured out that he wasn't going to win so his game changed from knocking the five pins down to see how slowly the ball can go. It actually got stuck! We were laughing like crazy. I really needed this!

We played three games then we went out for fries and sat in his car. I told him about Sam. He has known Sam for his whole life and he is heart- broken too. The mood became really sombre. I flicked on the car's disc player and our favourite Christian song came on. It was a message from God. Just trust in Him.

So we then drove to Danny's house and put in a Disney movie and talked about funny stories when we were kids. Like how we used to pretend we were characters from our favourite movies and create our own stories! Or how Daniel wanted to marry Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_ when he grew up. Today was so much fun!

THANK- YOU GOD FOR SUCH A RELAXING EVENING! THANK- YOU FOR MY FRIENDS. ESPECIALLY FOR DANIEL. THANK- YOU! AMEN.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

And it ends. In preparation to the Leader's visit in a couple of days the school is holding a conference about the new world order and the Leaders. Matthew has also heard rumours that they might try and recruit students to join Chosen Students. The Chosen Students are, in a nutshell, the secret police for students. Then on Monday morning the Leader of the North is coming here. To our school. Yea. To be honest I am scared. David, Anne and Matthew are acting all brave and like this isn't a big deal. Daniel hasn't said a word so I think he is scared too. Danny doesn't like showing others his fear. I think that maybe it's just a male thing.

LORD, I PRAY THAT YOU KEEP US SAFE. HELP US KEEP OUR HEARTS, OUR THOUGHTS AND OUR MIND ON YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

4th period

Diary,

I just found out that the conferences will be held by grade. My grade is on Thursday. Three more days... I'm going to see if Daniel and David (plus Matthew and Anne) want to go to Steve's. A huge prayer session is needed!

LORD, KEEP US SAFE! IN JESUS' NAME AMEN.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

I talked to Daniel and the others about a prayer meeting. Daniel agreed and promise to call Steve tonight to see if we can come over. David said that he would love to but this week is crazy for him and his family because of all the things that needed to be done for the Leaders' visit. He didn't seem too happy about it but who can blame him? Matthew and Anne said they were too busy with schoolwork. So it's just Daniel and me.

LORD, PLEASE HOLD US TIGHT. WE REST OUR EYES ON YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Evening

Diary,

Daniel called. Steve said he needs to do some planning for our church services. His police friend told him that the police are planning to raid the house within the month. Since the friend is not in the religious unit he cannot tell Steve what day. So we have decided to pray on our own.

LORD... HELP.

I'm planning from this moment to Thursday to read my Bible every spare second I have!

-Mia

Thursday Morning

(before school)

LORD, PLEASE PROTECT US TODAY. PLEASE PROTECT EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL. PROTECT DANIEL, DAVID, MATTHEW, ANNE AND AMY. KEEP US ALL SAFE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Lunchtime

Diary,

We are all hiding in the library. I don't think I can listen to those people anymore! Our grade was sent down to the gym. There, we received free notebooks and pens. Daniel and David vowed to burn theirs after today! In the front row of the gym (which was set up like a huge classroom) were some criminals! They were real criminals, not religious ones.

"What are they doing here?" I asked as we found out seats.

"Dad told me about them," David said, "he said the government wants them re-educated so since the seminar is only the schools the jails paid big bucks to have them here. There are police officers everywhere. They kept this very hush- hush from the parents." Really! If my parents found out there were murderers and thieves here they would have a bird! Sure, they had handcuffs and all that but still! What were they thinking taking such a big risk?

Anyway, the first part of the morning was a quick lesson on religion: how it got started, what were the five major ones and the pagan ones, what was "common" each of them. Next they taught the negative stuff about religion. They told us all about the wars, the radical terrorist groups, and the division of the people. They, however, forget to add all the positive things that happened because of religion. That hospitals and other social services began because of religions. Then we had a small break. I wanted to book it as fast as I could from the gym but Amy came up to me. 

"In a way, they make a good point," she said to me. I almost died. 

"What?" I cried, "they only tell one side of the story!" 

"And I have heard the other side from you and your friends. Just think of how many wars have been started because of religion. Besides no one is really true to their religion anyway." 

"Sure they are! People try their best but-" then I got interrupted because the break was over, "We'll talk later." I commanded as I made my way back to my seat. 

Then they outlined the slow removal of religion from our society. They skimmed over the civil war but went into the Leaders "glorious" appearance and their stopping of the civil war. A little annoyed at the propaganda they were spewing I asked a question. Few people had asked questions this morning. 

"So why did most of the people just agree there would be no religion? They fought for it for so long so why just give up?" the presenter looked at me and smiled. 

"Because everyone was so sick of wars, they were so sick of bloodshed and everyone was so sick of pain. They knew that for hundreds of years there were wars because of religion, it was so much easier that it was all given up." He replied. 

"Why didn't everyone agree in a one- world religion? That would have stopped wars, pain and the like." David asked. Do not get us wrong. We don't want a one-world religion. We want the True religion legal. The teacher sighed. 

"Because our great Leaders thought the pain and suffering would continue if there was a one- world." He said shortly. 

"But it's obvious that tons of people want religion. Why else would the government, still, go gung- ho on the anti- religion?" I pressed. The teacher was getting annoyed. 

"Because they are stubborn. Miss, may I continue?"  
"No," David replied. "I want to understand! Why would people just give up their beliefs, their faith, their life without a fight, when only a couple of days earlier they would rather die then to give up?" I saw Amy nodding in agreement. 

"I don't understand either. There are so many people now that now refuses to give up their faith, why did everyone agree last time? It's so hard to believe!" Amy piped up. 

"Those people," the teacher spat, "who have faith in 'God' are enemies of our Earth. Since the end of religion there haven't been any wars. The people wanted peace! Those -Christians- those _freaks_ want to destroy our peace! Our love for each other!" 

"But Christians believe in peace! They believe in love!" Amy cried. It looked like she was going to cry. 

"Miss, are you a Christian?" the teacher asked. 

"No sir." 

"Then how do you know this?" 

"My parents were..." Amy was very quiet. 

"And my sister holds the belief of love and truth yet she is a Christian. Love your neighbour as yourself, that is what Jesus Christ said. He also said to love your enemy. That sure doesn't sound like something someone who is against love would say." I said. 

"'But he does not hesitate to punish and destroy those who hate him' Deuteronomy 7:10- that's in the Christian Bible. So is this passage: 'Then the Lord said, "I have seen how stubborn and rebellious these people are. Now leave me alone so my anger can blaze against them and destroy them all."' That is Exodus 32: 9-10. That doesn't sound like One of love and peace." Some of the class cheered in agreement with him.  
"But my parents... they often spoke of the peace that God brings... I am beginning to think that the Christian God isn't that hateful." The teacher smirked. 

"By the end of the day, you will think differently." Then the teacher carried on with his lesson. 

I think I might go find Amy now. I have to tell her that God isn't hateful and explain to her what that passage meant. I thought we were getting through to her but I fear that this conference might make her hate such a loving God. 

LORD, ALLOW ME TO BE BRAVE IN YOU! HELP ME SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN.  
  
-Mia 

After Supper 

Diary, 

*sigh* Thank God I'm home! The rest of the afternoon wasn't as bad. Pretty much all that was talked about was the day the Leaders visit and what they will do once they are here. Daniel and the rest of us already knew most of it since David told us so we were bored out of our mind! 

Anyway, I didn't get a chance to talk to Amy. When I found her she was talking to a bunch of other teenagers so I didn't get a chance to talk to her privately. But I did hear that she was invited to the huge party. You know, the party were David's dad gets promoted and the visit is celebrated. I am so happy that I'm not going. I feel really bad that David has to go... 

But I'm going to go. I want to do some more reading of the Bible. I want cover myself in the armour of God. Later. 

-Mia 

1st period 

Diary,  
Sorry, I haven't written all weekend. I've been kind of depressed. Saturday night was the night my sister was suppose to have... died. I don't know if she's one of them who died or not and my parents won't let me find out. I wonder if they even care? 

I spent a lot of my time this weekend reading the Bible. I have found a lot of cool new verses that I would like to memorize and I did memorize some of them. Like this one: But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how you are going to say it. At the time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. That's Matthew 10: 19, 20. I like that one a lot. Okay, I know it doesn't sound very comforting but, when I think about it, it is. I mean if God put in my heart to speak for Him then I shouldn't fear about what I am going to say about He is talking for me. I know that sounds weird but it's not... 

I've been also thinking about myself. I think, no I'm sure, that I am willing to die for Christ. I'm not scared to die anymore. If I think about it I believe it would be an honour to die for Christ but I must admit I am afraid of how it would be done. I don't want to suffer pain. I know in some other regions the government is very cruel to believers. Some governments embrace the old ways, such as stoning or running believers over with tanks. I don't think our region does that but the Leader has been talking about increasing punishments. I should think differently. If God wishes me to die for Him then I should believe He will also give me the strength to suffer whatever comes my way. I should also think that Jesus suffered for me. Maybe I should look at it that it would be an honour to suffer like my Lord. After all He was in so much pain coming to the cross and then on the cross just so we could have a chance to be with Him forever. Therefore I should be willing… I just pray it will never come to that! 

Anyway I went to church this Sunday. I really enjoy going to church. I always feel that I am really really close to God when I am at the service. I know He's with us all the time but, well, at least I have always felt that when I'm with a group of believers, He makes His presence so much stronger. It's like He's smiling down at us. Oh well, it was a really enlightening service! But it was strange, David wasn't at the service. Usually he is. I know that the party was last night but no matter how late he stays up he always comes to service. So I tried to call David all weekend but his dad kept telling me that David wasn't feeling well. Then he would tell me to call back later. After the fourth time I finally called Daniel. 

"Yeah, I've been calling David too and he won't talk." Daniel told me.  
"What do you think is wrong with David?" I asked.  
"I don't know. I'll call Matthew and Anne after. Maybe they know what's up."  
"I'm not sure about that. David seems to be distancing himself from those two." I argued. I think this because David seemed to have been spending more time with me and Daniel than Matthew and Anne. Daniel said he would call me back later because he was going to call them to see they knew anything. As it turns out Matthew and Anne didn't know anything. 

Anyway, Daniel and I tried to find him this morning but we couldn't. I wonder if he's even at school... or maybe he's avoiding us! Oh no! I just had a horrible thought! What if he got caught? 

LORD, PLEASE MAKE SURE DAVID IS OKAY!  
So anyway according to our teachers we're having an assembly during second period. She says that the Leader of the North is coming and going to talk to us. I'm a little nervous about that but I'm more worried about David. Later.  
-Mia 

2nd period 

Diary,  
I only have a few minutes to write before I have to head out to that stupid assembly but I found David! I was walking down the hall to this class and I saw him. I called out his name but he completely ignored me and continued to walk away from me! I tore down the hall and grabbed his arm. I looked him straight in the eye and said, "David." I would never tell him this but he looked awful! He had bags under his eyes and he was pale. His hair looked like it hadn't been washed for a long time.  
"Mia." He said. Without thinking I wrapped him in a hug. It just seemed like the thing to do.  
"David... what is wrong?" I asked.  
"Nothing." He replied. I didn't believe him and told him so.  
"Listen, at lunch, can I talk to you? Please," I asked. David nodded, "I'll meet you at your locker." Then we parted.  
  
PLEASE LORD, HELP DAVID WITH HIS PROBLEMS. PLEASE KEEP HIM STRONG. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.  
-Mia  
  


After School 

Diary,  
I have so much to write down. Okay, starting at the assembly. Our whole school poured into the gym. I found Daniel and sat with him. I didn't see Amy anywhere. I haven't seen her since Thursday. Anyway, I updated Daniel with the David Situation while we waited for the assembly to start. We kept our eyes open for him but we didn't see him. Then the lights dimmed (we have a small stage in our gym) and the curtains opened. The Leader of the North walked onto the stage. He stopped in front of the microphone. He said nothing and the students were absolutely quiet.  
"Hello students of-" but the crowd cheered so loud you couldn't even hear the name of our school. He raised a hand and the students automatically stopped cheering.  
"For all those who don't know I am the Leader of the North. I am your own personal prime minister," Again there was cheering, hand, silence, "but few people know my name. At my birth my mother called me Peter." Daniel leaned over to me and whispered, "Just like the disciple who denied Jesus."  
"But I would doubt this Peter will repent and spread the Word and the love of Jesus Christ." Daniel nodded.  
"As you all should know that all four Leaders arrived in your beautiful city (cheers, hand, silence) Saturday. There was a wonderful ball, which I'm sure I saw some of you there! Also that night could be seen as a sad night. My heart still cries from that night. All those people had to die. I would have given my own life if I could have stopped it," All I could think was 'Why didn't you?' "But I also must realise it is for the best. I get many letters everyday from young children who don't understand why people they know are dying by our- my- hands. It is never easy to answer them. But we all must remember this Christians are the lowest form of life there is! They refuse to assist us in keeping the world peaceful! They insist to live their lives against the normal peaceful way of life! Their own Bible tells them to hate- yes hate!- the world! They do not respond to the peaceful ways against them! Hell, they don't even crease when we kill them! They are the sole reason for our world's sadness, for our world's pain, for our world's suffering! They don't care! They won't stop! They continue to insult mankind and they don't seem to care they are causing harm and hurt to our wonderful society! 

"Our government cannot do it alone anymore. So I implore your help. Please, if you know anyone who is a Christian, alert the police. If you are a Christian and you realize the errors of your ways, we will help you! Unfortunately people don't turn in their family members or friends and Christians don't see that they are wrong so I need some people to help me, to help your world, to help keep the peace! Please if you want to help come join me on the stage!" I turned to Daniel and grinned.  
"Otherwise, if you want to be part of the Secret Police, come on up!" I whispered. Daniel tried not to laugh but failed. Heart-wrenchingly, about 300 students ran to the stage. All those who "weren't willing to keep Earth peaceful" were allowed to return to class. After that little propaganda statement another 100 students stayed back. Almost 1/2 of our school stayed behind. I wonder how many will actually participate?  
Then at lunch Daniel decided it would be better if he stayed away when I went to speak with David. He went to the library instead. I went to David's locker. If it was possible he looked even worst! Again I hugged David. I think I surprised him with all the hugs I've been giving him! I just figure that people feel better after receiving a hug. I know I do. Anyway, I took him to the little park we have behind the school and we sat on the swings.  
"So what happened?" I asked. David shrugged.  
"Nothing." He muttered.  
"Come on. Was it because of the party?" David's eyes seemed vacant, "Please David, talk to me."  
"I'm praying night and day since I came home. I would think my parents suspect but they are so carried away with my dad's promotion they don't even notice me. Mia? Do you understand what it feels like when God abandons you?"  
"David, God hasn't abandoned you! He loves you!" I cried.  
"I know. But those martyrs... did they know? When they were shot, when they were crucified, when they were hung, did they know?  
"I'm sure they did! Sam would have!"  
"I saw her..." I froze. David saw my sister. That means she was one of those who died... I had so many questions burning in my mind.  
"Her last words were 'He will not falter or be discouraged 'till He established justice on Earth.'"  
"How did she... die?" I whispered.  
"They shot her. The people, my own parents who taught me to respect and love other people, laughed and cheered. I can't say I would be so strong. Mia, I don't care about myself. What were they thinking? _Eloi, Eloi lema sabachtani?_" (That means My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?)  
"God has never forsaken anyone!" I cried, "Jesus knew that! He wasn't questioning God. Plus I totally believed anyone who is willing to die for their faith knows God would never leave them!"  
"Are you willing to die for Jesus?" That took me by surprise. It was the same question Amy asked me, "I have questioned myself. I love Jesus but... I worry. I am sorry that before I doubted your faith in God." He surprised me again as tears began to run down his face.  
"David it's okay. We all doubt ourselves. Remember what James wrote, 'if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him' God will make us strong in Him." David just looked at the ground.  
"Thank- you, Mia. May I tell you what happened at the party?" I nodded. I really wanted to know about my sister. David drew a deep breath.  
"The ballroom was decorated like a palace. I thought I was in a castle or something. Everyone was in tuxedos or a grown. The tables were on the either side of the room, and there was a dance floor in the middle. In the front/middle of the room was a stage. In a half circle on the stage were the crosses. We sat right next the table with the Leaders. Did you know the Leader from the South is a woman? They were the last to arrive. I was actually forced to shake their hands. I felt really dirty after that... you know, Mia, I tried my best to see them like God does but all I saw were horrible hateful creatures. I felt like puking.  
"They went up and gave a grand speech, much like the one Peter did. They told us that we were the best of the best, cream of the crop and such," David sounded bitter, "so again it was like 'please help us fight the good fight'. Then before dinner they brought out some religious non- believers. Some of them were beaten up. They were told to give up their religion then told to leave. Since there were buns on the table, some people threw them at the fleeing people. My dad laughed and said, 'if they were under my care they wouldn't get away.' Then we had supper. I'm sure it was good but to me everything tasted like cardboard. There were roasted potatoes, shrimp, salad, and some sort of pasta. There were chicken, ham and pork. There was enough food to feed the all of the 3rd world countries. I doubt we even made a dent in the food. I started to pray then. I asked God if He could help me get through this. I begged Him for His help. My parents didn't even notice that I barely touched my supper. At one point I couldn't stop staring at the crosses. I wondered how I was going to survive watching the people die without losing my sanity? My mom woke me up from my gaze and when I looked down at my dinner plate, l swear it was covered in martyr's blood." He paused then. Our lunch period was over but there was no way we were going to leave. David moved off the swing and we sat on the ground. For a couple minutes he said nothing. I think he was praying, calling for strength.  
"Then all the food was cleared away and the first group of Christians were brought in... they nailed them to the crosses. Some cried, others yelled praises to the Lord until the guards were ordered to gag them. Then they brought out dessert. This time I thought I was going to puke for real. I ran to the bathroom. I looked awful. I know I still do. Nightmares haunt me. I can still hear their screams. Sometimes I can almost see them. They ask me why didn't I help them? 

"In the bathroom I was shaking. I gulped some water. I locked myself in a stall and prayed. That's all I could do... but I didn't cry... not yet. Finally I got my strength back and returned.  
"Dessert was cleared away and the guards shot the Christians on the cross and took them down. My parents didn't say a word to me. Then the Leaders returned to the stage. They made some stupid comment on the blood stained crosses they left up. Everyone laughed like it was the funniest thing on Earth. It was like no one cared that innocent people died... that innocent people were murdered at that spot. Then they had the official ceremony for my dad's promotion. Yea for my dad. To celebrate..." he paused. I took his hand and squeezed it. 'Thank- you Lord for not making me go. Please, Lord, help David. He's really shaken up and needs help. Please.' I prayed silently.  
"To celebrate they brought more Christians. I saw your sister right away. For a second I thought it was you... she looked just like you... I thought... just for a moment... Oh Lord! Help me!" he began to cry. I hugged him. I had no clue what to do. I can't imagine the horror he suffered.  
"I thought it was you," He whispered again, "She was so strong and through her bruises and scares she glowed. Like some of the others she yelled out praises for God. Mia, she wasn't scared. She was so happy. Mia, I'm sorry I didn't help her..."  
"It's okay David. This isn't your fault." I told him. Again he stayed silent for a few minutes.  
"After that they cleared off the bodies and set up the band. People began to dance. It was like nothing happened. I sat there at the table for the longest time. At one point Amy came up to me. She asked me to dance. I declined. How could one dance after that? She said that her brother had gotten tickets and that I was the only person she knew here. After talking with her for a few moments, I think she wants Jesus. Mia, I am so weak. I could have witnessed to her but instead I said nothing because I was scared and depressed." Then I whispered something that both of us needed to hear, "Because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" David looked up at me. He grabbed both of my hands.  
"Lord, both Mia and I are scared. We are not as strong in You as we thought. We are in need of Your help. Please Lord... use us... use us for Your glory. In Your Sons' name. Amen." He looked at me. I smiled. I was crying too. We both felt the Holy Spirit run through us.  
"Amy left after that. I hung out by myself. A couple of hours before the end of the ball, the remaining Christians were brought out. They were hanged. Everyone cheered and praised the Leaders. Then we went home. I went directly to my room. I refused to come out until this morning. I didn't want food, I didn't want to talk to anyone and I think if you didn't insist on talking to me I would have returned to my room and hide there again. Thank- you Mia." I smiled.  
"That's okay, David. We are friends. I wanted to help." By that time 3rd period was over.  
Aie! I want to finish up what happened with the Secret Police Students but my wrist is killing me! I write after supper... give my wrist time to heal and my mind to relax a little. 

THANK- YOU LORD FOR YOUR GUIDANCE AND COMFORT. THANK- YOU FOR NEVER LEAVING US AND ALWAYS LOVING US. AMEN.  
-Mia 

After Supper

Diary,

Okay... what a day. So I went to my last period class. There were a lot of sad faces in my class. Daniel and Anne are in my class.

"What's with everyone moping?" I asked as I sat down. Anne looked at me strangely.

"Mia, for Pete's sake, why are you such a flake?" she asked.

"These people weren't the right material for keeping our Earth safe," Daniel snickered, "I guess that means they have some sort of moral decency." I smiled weakly at that.

"Mia, what's wrong with you?" Anne asked, "You are so pale and sick looking." Daniel nodded. I guess talking with David drained me out. Not that I wouldn't do it again, I would in a second!

"Um..." I didn't want Anne to know what was up with David. Anne rolled her eyes. I'm sure Daniel understood because he made sure that the issue wasn't pressed. Anyway about 100 students were chosen and will be back next week. They get to go on a retreat. I'm a little depressed now. I'm worried about David; I worried about the students on the retreat. I think I'm going to read my Bible. Later.

-Mia

After School

Diary,

I feel kind of numb. I was fine all day until last period when it finally hit me. My sister is gone. She's dead. I had to excuse myself and I ran to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Sam is gone. Dead. I'll never see her again. I won't be able to talk to her or receive letters from her. I won't be able to laugh with her or argue with her ever again. I suppose I should take comfort that she's with Jesus now and she's not in pain anymore. Plus I will be able to see her again. But everything feels so empty. I'm feeling empty and I don't know.

(Later)

Sorry. Mom and dad just came in. They just told me what happened to Sam. They didn't seem all that surprised that I knew. They didn't try to comfort me or anything. It's like the whole house is numb.

-Mia

Really late at night

Diary,

I did something really stupid. I emailed Noah, Sam's boyfriend. I have no idea why I did it and I doubt he even knows who I am but I did it anyway.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

Okay after a half a night of sleep I don't feel much better. But I think David had a chance to talk to Daniel about what happened at the party. We three are a really quiet group today. We really need to cheer up.

-Mia

4th period

Diary,

Skipping but not caring. I'm in the library hiding out. Okay I'll get straight to the point Noah replied. He wants to meet me. I don't know what to do. I have no idea why I emailed him and I have no idea what I'm going to say to him if we meet. To be completely honest I want to know why he isn't dead too? That sounds really awful but he was at the prayer meeting when they were arrested so why didn't he die?

OH LORD I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO. I WANT TO GO. BUT I DON'T. WHAT SHOULD I DO? IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

On Bus

Diary, I replied. We will meet soon. Now the bus is moving.

1st period

Diary,

No reply yet. Maybe he doubts this too! Anyway here's a quick update on everything. Those students who left on the retreat will be returning Monday and there is nothing but silence on the home front. No one says a word to anyone else. This sounds stupid, but it the season of my stupidity lately, I just might drop off another tract in the mailbox. I will continue to pray that Mom and Dad will embrace Jesus.

-Mia.

Lunch

Diary,

At library. I'm checking my email... oh! He replied! Just a sec! ... Tomorrow! We will meet tomorrow for coffee. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

-Mia

Afternoon

Diary,

I have no idea what to say here. I don't even know what to make as my first impression of Noah. So maybe I'll just start writing.

I walked into the cafe and I really didn't know who I was looking for. I had no clue what he looked like and since I've never really talked to him face- to- face before or even over the phone I had no idea what he looked or sounded like. But it turned out that wouldn't be a problem.

"Mia?" a man walked up to me. He had apple green eyes and dirty blonde hair. It was long looking but short... that didn't make any sense. You know, it's long but short enough that it's not obscenely long. Never mind what he looked like.

"Yes?" Could this be Noah?

"You look just like your sister." So this had to be Noah. He smiled weakly and pulled me into a gigantic bear hug. I was a little shocked at first but I got this feeling that it was okay. We sat down in a booth and ordered our drinks (Noah: coffee; me: hot chocolate). We said nothing for a few minutes. Why was I even here?

"Where were you are that prayer service?" I didn't even mean to ask that. It just came out of my mouth.

"I was there." Noah answered quickly and went back to his black coffee.

"What happened then?" I asked. I was turning red. I didn't want to be so blunt but I had to know. Why was it possible that I could talk to him now but not my sister?

"Sam was really brave. She was so beautiful. Not just outside but inside too. She glowed with God's love and she was always so happy because of God. I loved her." I nodded.

"When did Sam find God?"

"That first term of university. I even helped her. I was the one who told her about Jesus and stuff, "I wished so much that she told me that she was a believer," But I suppose you want to know what happened at that prayer meeting." I shrugged.

"Only if you want to..." Yes! I was dying to know.

"I was there. She was leading the prayer meeting. We had these regularly. That night we were just praying for the usual things- protection, guidance and such- it wasn't a special night or anything. But then SWAT busted in and arrested all of us. I was arrested with Sam. She smiled at me and told me not to worry. She said that the Lord would look after us."

"When my family and I visited her, she seemed so brave. She seemed so strong."

"She is strong. It's true, she would get scared sometimes but it wasn't for very long. She trusted God a hundred percent." That last statement came out very bitter sounding.

"What's wrong Noah?"

"I am not as strong as your sister. I feel so guilty about that," I remained quiet, "They would torture us. At the prayer service there were a few believers who got away. The authorities wanted to know who they were. Sam was strong and didn't say a word about our friends. All she would say is that Jesus loves them. If the guards asked she would tell them about the gospel. So many people were converted to Jesus Christ during those sessions but me... I wasn't strong like her," Noah stopped and sipped his coffee. He sat there sitting there, sipping his coffee, for a few minutes, "One day I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt so much! My arms were broken and I have scars all down my back. I was in so much pain. They told me if I just renounced my faith in Christ I would go free. I sat there for a moment. I thought if I just lied then I could go home. So I said it. They let me go home because I said I didn't love my Lord. Because I denied Him in order to save myself." Noah was crying.

"Noah... do you... did you repent of your sin?" my question seemed so weak.

"I cannot go to Him. I feel so unworthy. I haven't spoken to Him since that night I renounced Him," he paused, "I don't deserve to be with Him."

"But God loves you! He wants you to go back to Him! Don't let one mistake ruin your relationship with Him!"

"Do you think He'll take me back? How can He forgive after such a terrible sin?"

"He will take you back and He will do it with open arms. Remember the story of the prodigal son?" Noah nodded and thought for a moment. Then he prayed right in the middle of the cafe! It was really something. He asked the Lord to forgive him and please take him back. He said he knew what he did was wrong and was really sorry that it happened. He promised to be a true servant to Him. A lost lamb returned to the Shepard. It reminded me of my dad. I wonder if he will ever return to the Lord? Noah, smiling like crazy now, grinned at me.

"Mia, you're worried now." He stated. I faked him a smile.

"No big! The Lord will take care of it." Noah sent me an 'I- don't- believe- you' look. The mood was totally lighter now. We talked for a while after that and Noah promised that he would keep in touch. He also said that he would come to church with us Sunday!

THANK YOU LORD FOR ALLOWING NOAH TO RETURN TO YOU. THANK YOU FOR THIS MEETING AND FOR A NEW FRIEND. IN JESUS' NAME AMEN.

-Mia 


	7. Chapter Five

Chapter Five 

_We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be obvious in our dying bodies. So we live in the face of death, but it has resulted in eternal life for you. But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, "I believed in God, and so I speak." We know that the same God who raised our Lord Jesus will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself along with you. 2 Corinthians 4:8- 13 _

1st period

Diary,

Noah came to church with us yesterday. Everyone welcomed him with tons of love. After the service Noah and Steve had a long talk. I hope Noah was encouraged by Steve! I have a feeling that now Noah will make a wonderful addition to Christ's family.

Anyway I should probably record what I wanted to write in here originally. During 2nd period the Secret Police Students are returning from their weeklong retreat and we are having an assembly in their honour. I am so excited.

-Mia

4th period

Diary,

I cannot believe it. There is no way it can be true... but it is. We witnessed it with our own eyes.

David, Daniel and I were all sitting together. I looked for Amy but I couldn't find her. I haven't seen her since last week. The assembly was started with the arrival of the Leader of the North.

"Welcome again," Peter said, "I'm glad to be back (cheers, hand, silence). Since I was last here we selected students who would help me and the other Leaders protect the world from rebels. I would like for you to greet the students!" Peter began to clap. Then male students came out in black dress pants, white dress shirts and a black blazer. The female students came out and they, too, wore white dress shirts, black jackets and a black kilt. David leaned over to me and Daniel, "Do you see him?" I searched the group of students. I didn't see anyone I should have known.

"Who?"

"Matthew." I looked again. Okay well there was one guy who maybe looked at him. But it wasn't until lunch when we found out for sure.

We were heading outside for lunch. I love spring! It's so nice outside and not too hot or cold to eat outside! Anyway, Anne and Matthew walk up to us. Matthew is all decked out in that SPS uniform. Daniel glared at Matthew.

"Matthew Burns! What the hell are you doing?" he cried.

"Undercover, Dan. I am undercover." Matthew was kind of smirking as he said this.

"So you decide to work for the Devil? Or have you always been?" Daniel accused. I haven't seen Daniel this angry in a long time.

"Daniel! I'm insulted that you would say such a thing! Besides I can give you the heads up on things now." Anne nodded, as if this whole situation was totally okay and natural.

"Matthew, you didn't have to do this. I have all the heads up now. Remember my dad?" David said. Matthew shrugged.

"David, Daniel, I know what I am doing." Then he took Anne's hand and walked away. I don't understand why he would do this. I don't understand why he feels like he had to betray who he is. Or why it's okay to betray God.

LORD, KEEP MATTHEW STRONG. DON'T ALLOW MATTHEW TO FALL AWAY FROM YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Evening

Diary,

Aie. Mom heard of the SPS group. Mom asked me why I didn't try to join.

"I didn't want to."

"You are not letting your sister's crazy and not to mention stupid beliefs get to you, are you?"

"Mom, I didn't want to join. I wouldn't feel right."

"Why not? Don't you have pride for your country? For your world?" I rolled my eyes.

"Mom, I really just didn't want to. Besides now it's too late to do anything about it."

"Well Mia, if there is another opening I think you should try to join. It would look good on a resume."

"Whatever Mom." Then I went upstairs. I will never ever join the SPS!

-Mia

2nd period

Diary,

I need a day off. David told us the Northern Leader was at his house for dinner last night. I felt really bad for him. Anyway, David told Daniel and I that the Northern Leader is planning to crack down on illegal religions. Peter wants David's dad to be in charge of the crack- down. He even hinted if all goes well that David's dad may be promoted to federal government!

"So what will happen?" Daniel asked. David shrugged.

"No clue. We need to continue praying." I totally agree.

LORD, PLEASE PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN DURING THIS NEXT WAVE OF TRIALS. PLEASE KEEP YOUR CHILDREN STRONG. HELP US TO LEAN ON YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia 

Lunch

Diary,

It took a few days but David was able to find out about the increase in security. They will be keeping a closer eye on the computers, seeing who goes on Private Internet or not, that sort of thing. While I worry about my friends and my own safety I still worry about Matthew. How can he do this? If he continues to be a part of SPS then he is backstabbing his Christian brothers and sisters unless he plans to give them a heads up… but if he does that then he might be discovered. I pray that Matthew will make the right choice and that he will be safe.

LORD, PLEASE KEEP US STRONG IN YOU. YOUR CHILDREN ARE BECOMING WEARY OF THE BATTLE SO PLEASE REPLENISH US. WE LOVE YOU AND HELP US TO NEVER FORGET IT. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

After Supper

Diary,

My parents think I'm sick. I couldn't eat a bite for supper. I thought I was going to be sick... I just might be. I need to take the time and thank God. He protected me and my friends. I feel so lucky.

Daniel, David and I all went to church today. The three of us were spend ourselves throughout the room. I sat near the front, Daniel near the back and David somewhere in the middle. We do this because there are very few Bibles so those who don't have one can see one. Everyone knows the site to get one but, for several reasons, they might not be able to print one off.

At ten o'clock exactly Steve started today's service. We sang a few songs. Steve took his place in front of us. He reminded those with Bibles to share. Next we repented of our sins and asked God for His protection during this service. Steve began the sermon. Looking back I cannot remember what the sermon was about but I guess it doesn't matter we didn't get very far into it. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I looked at Daniel. He pointed to my bag and nodded. I understood. If need be, hide the Bibles in my bag. 'Oh Lord,' I remember praying, 'don't let this be what I fear it is...' Steve put a finger to his lips and walked to the door.

"Steven Crager?" a voice called from outside, "Open up!" Steve turned to us and revealed four fingers. We've been through this before, as a drill so we are prepared if it really did happen. The four fingers meant that we were to leave the room four at a time. David and Daniel passed their Bibles up to me. The four youngest jumped to their feet.

"What?" Steve called out, as if he just woke up. The four crept upstairs. An older male, Jeremiah, went to the back to see if the police had surrounded the house. Daniel and David walked over to me.

"Do you think this is real?" Daniel whispered to me.

"I hope not!" I answered. David smiled hopefully.

"Mr. Crager, let us in!" Steve turned to us. I saw fear in his eyes.

"Oh no..." David whispered.

"Go." Steve mouthed to us. Panic seized the remaining believers. Everyone was now running upstairs. The three of just stood there. Steve hurried to us.

"Go! This isn't a drill! Save yourselves!" he hissed. We ran to the kitchen. I froze, my eyes on Jeremiah. He was being arrested and dragged out of the backyard. Daniel grabbed my hand.

"Come on." We ran out the back door. Daniel decided for us to take our chances outside instead of hiding inside the house. We heard the cops break down the door and rush into the living room. Steve was slammed to the floor.

"You're under arrest, sleaze bag!" I wanted to go help him. Steve was my friend, my pastor, my brother. Daniel pulled me across the backyard.

"There's nothing we can do now." He told me. David jumped the neighbour's fence.

"Hey!" we glanced behind us. Several cops stood at the back stoop. Daniel squeezed tighter on my hand. I don't think he was aware he was doing that. David waved to the cops. Daniel jumped the fence. Now it was my turn. I suck at jumping fences.

"Stop!" the cop pointed his gun at us.

"Mia, give me your hand." David said. Then David helped me climb the fence. I landed on my bum. The cop shot a warning shot. My friends yanked me to my feet and we were off again.

We went to Daniel's house and went to hide into his room.

"Thank God." Daniel wheezed. We fell to the floor.

"Praise Him." I whispered. I couldn't believe we got away from Steve's. I still can't. We were now safe. That was all God's work. Praise Him.

"I guess I lost my car." David grinned. We were avoiding the problem. David drove us to church this morning so when we left we had to leave his car behind.

"Maybe we can go back for it later." I suggested. David nodded. Daniel rolled over and flipped on the TV. The news came on.

"Welcome to the twelve o'clock news. I'm Rachel Suney. This is what's happening at this hour," Rachel changed camera views, "a local Christian house church has been discovered. Steven Crager, the cult's 'pastor' has been arrested," a picture of Steve appeared. It was one of those police station pictures. Steve had several cuts on his face, "The other 'believers' (and yes she was actually making quotation marks with her fingers) have also been brought in for questioning. It is unclear right now whether they will later be put under arrest. A handful of the members did get away. As soon as the information becomes available the public will be informed of who are the escapees," camera view changed, "In other news..." Daniel shut off the news. His face was red.

"Damnit!" he cried, "Damnit! I hate this place! Lord...!" he trailed off. I hugged my best friend. We remained silent for a moment.

"Oh Danny, I understand you. David understands you. And the Lord will help us through this." David agreed. Daniel was silent. I wondered what he was thinking. Then he quickly smiled and said, "You're right. I'm dying of thirst, want anything?" he ran downstairs to get some cokes. I looked over at David, who shrugged. I hope Danny wasn't going to bottle this up! I hope he reaches out to his friends.

LORD, I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL THAT YOU SAVED US TODAY. THANK- YOU FOR LOOKING OUT FOR ALL OF US. I PRAY YOU KEEP US STRONG AND CONTINUE TO BE SAFE. I ALSO PRAY FOR STEVE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia.

1st period

Diary,

I wonder if they are out to get us. Matthew and Anne, I mean. We saw them today and they seemed really surprised to see us. David was the first to voice this but Daniel and I can't believe it. I don't even think David honestly believes it. No way it could happen. Anyway, David thinks maybe it was those two who gave away the church. But it can't be, the police already had a heads-up on the place. But what if they were looking for an opening to attack and Matthew gave that opening?

No. I won't believe it. They are Christians, they wouldn't do that to us. No way.

LORD, FORGIVE ME FOR DOUBTING MY BROTHER AND SISTER IN CHRIST. PLEASE KEEP STEVE STRONG. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

I've got a major test last period so I need to study. I really don't want to. My mind isn't on schoolwork... it's so overwhelmed with trying to deal with what happened Sunday. Anyway I'm going to go to the library during lunch to study. But since we aren't doing anything in history (surprise, surprise) I'm going to study some. Hopefully, I will be able to concentrate on it.

-Mia

After School

Diary,

I hope I passed that test. As it turns out I didn't get to do much studying done at lunch. I saw Amy, who was also studying, so I went over just to say hi.

"Hey Amy! Haven't seen you lately, what have you been up to?" I asked her. She looked up, with a rather guilty look on her face.

"Hello, Mia."

"What's new?"

"Nothing. I've been thinking a lot."

"About anything special?"

"God. I don't understand it," I opened my mouth to explain but Amy raised her hand, "I don't need another speech. I have heard both sides." I sat down.

"What's wrong then?"

"How many wars have been started because of religion? If it's all that cracked up to be then why did people just give up when the Leaders appeared? If it's all true then why do people say such negative things about Christianity? Why is Jesus the only way? Why isn't Islam or Hinduism just as valid?" I said nothing for a minute. What could I say?

"Honestly? I don't know the answers to those questions. I believe," I paused. There were so many people around me. I sent a quick prayer to God asking what to do, "I believe He is the Only Way because He said so," I decided not to say His name, "People can take Him as a liar, lunatic or Lord. Amy, you know the story now, the choice is up to you." Amy looked angry.

"But if I accept Him as a liar or lunatic, I'm going to hell. Or so according to you."

"According to God. John 14:6."

"'I am the Truth, the Way, and the Light. No one will see the father except through Me.' Yeah Mia, I know that. Zak took Jesus as a lying lunatic."

"There is proof that He isn't crazy. There is evidence that He was telling the truth!"

"Like what?"

"The Bible is historically and scientifically accurate. Jesus," okay so I said His name but by now if anyone was listening they would know what we were talking about anyway, "said that if people couldn't trust Him about Earthly things, why should we trust Him about heavenly things? If we can't trust Him about the things we can see, there is no reason to believe Him about the things we can't see. Our faith isn't totally blind."

"But have you ever seen Jesus? Talked with Him? Laughed with Him?"

"In my heart-"

"Doesn't count. I don't know about this." I just kept quiet for a minute, allowing Amy a chance to sort her thoughts. I pulled out my textbook and opened it up.

"What? That's it? No more talk?" Amy asked.

"I don't know what to tell you. Like you said you know everything. Amy, tell me what you need to be told." Amy's eyes began to water.

"I want to know for sure that my brother is wrong." she whispered.

"Okay, well... this isn't the best example but it's all I can think of. Remember the first time you went swimming. People told you the water was wet and you could do all scientific analysis to prove that water was wet but you couldn't know for sure until you went in the water. Same thing with God. You can test Him out all you want but you won't be able to know for sure until you try Him."

"You're right. That is a bad example. But I understand what you are trying to say. No one can prove that God is real or not until you meet Him."

"Exactly. And you don't have to wait until your dead to meet Him." Amy nodded. The bell then rang. I packed up my books and smiled.

"Today is the day to be saved?" Amy laughed.

"No jokes, Amy. I'll take to you later." Then I left. I really do hope Amy accepts Jesus today.

LORD I PRAY THAT AMY COMES TO YOU TODAY. I PRAY THAT I GET ANOTHER SISTER IN CHRIST. PLEASE LET HER FEEL YOUR LOVE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia.

Night Time

Diary,

When I came home Mom and Dad were waiting for me. I walk in and they are sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Mia." Mom said to me. I am frazzled right now.

"Hi Mom... Dad. What's the matter?"

"I was cleaning the house today." Mom tends to clean when she is stressing or worried about something.

"Why?" I asked. I began to shake. My room is full of Christian stuff. I don't hide any of it because I figure no one goes in there, after all it is my room. It's suppose to be private.

"Because the house was a mess and I thought I would clean it up a bit." I decided not to say anything. Mom stood up and walked into the kitchen. She returned with a box. She placed the cardboard box on the floor. She pulled out a couple of discs.

"Do you know what this is?"

"A disc?" I asked.

"Don't be a smartass. What's on the disc?" I think Mom enjoyed being an interrogator but I began to fill with fear. I began to silently pray for safety. I told myself that there were no police here so maybe they didn't know anything or my parents weren't going to do anything to me. I shrugged at my mom's question.

"Christian music," Mom spat out the words. She picked up another disc, "and this has a Bible on it. Do you know where I found these?" I said nothing instead. I prayed some more. I prayed for strength.

"Your room," Mom answered for herself, "Explain yourself, Amelia." I hesitated. For a moment I didn't know what to say but then I knew. I could not lie. The urge to lie wasn't even there anymore.

"Mom, Dad, I am a Christian." I simply said. Dad closed his eyes. Mom just stared at me.

"How could this happen?" Dad whispered. I said nothing. There is nothing I could say to make the situation better. Suddenly Dad jumped up and grabbed my upper arm. Anger flashed through his eyes. In his anger he slammed me into the living room wall. I yelped and tears began to fall. I had never been so afraid. I mean Sunday's fear is still there and it is real but this, at that present moment, wasn't as scary as it was on Sunday. Perhaps because I knew I couldn't get away and my fate could be very close. Plus I fear my parents would turn me in.

"I should turn you in! You should be killed like your no-good sister!" he slammed me into the wall once more and looked up, "Damn You!" Dad was screaming now. I slid to the floor and continued crying softly. Mom was totally shocked and did not say anything.

"I told You to leave her alone! I told You to leave me alone! Are You stupid? Why won't You listen?"

"Because He loves you." I whispered. Dad yanked me to my feet and practically threw me across the room. I stumbled into the sofa. Tears continued to fall.

"I told you to shut up!" he began to walk towards me when Mom stepped in the way.

"Hon, stop. Relax and calm down," Mom said. She turned to me and pulled me to my feet, "Go to your room." I nodded, half blinded by tears I hurried to my room. So here I am. I am so scared. Diary, this could be it. The end of it all...

LORD I BEG FOR STRENGTH NOW AS I HAVE NEVER BEFORE. I WANT TO KEEP MY EYES ON YOU. YOU, ALONE, KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME. I HOPE MY TIME ON EARTH ISN'T OVER YET BUT IF IT IS LET ME GO SINGING YOUR PRAISES. DO NOT LET ME TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU. I LOVE YOU.

LORD, I PLEAD THAT MY PARENT'S EYES ARE OPENED. LET THEM SEE YOUR GLORIOUS PERFECT LIGHT. MY DAD HAS SEEN YOU ONCE BEFORE, PLEASE LET HIM FEEL THAT LOVE FOR YOU AGAIN.

LORD, YOU ARE SOLELY PERFECT AND JUST. YOUR PLAN IS PERFECT. YOU ARE HOLY, HOLY, HOLY. I TRUST YOU AND NOW, IN MY DARKEST HOUR I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING. DO NOT LET ME BE AFRAID. SURROUND ME IN YOUR PERFECT STRENGTH. IN YOUR HOLY SON'S NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Midnight

Diary,

Mom and Dad haven't been up here yet. I haven't seen them. I suppose that's good. I've been spending my time praying and worshipping God. I have this strange peace in me. I guess it's not all that strange, after all it says in Philippians if we surrender all our worries to God, He will fill us with a peace that is beyond our understanding. THANK YOU LORD FOR KEEPING YOUR PROMISES. THANK YOU FOR LOVING YOUR CHILDREN SO MUCH.

I wonder if I should get up for school tomorrow. I mean, do I act like everything is normal or do I continue to hide here?

LORD, I SLEEP IN YOU TONIGHT...

Morning

Diary,

I am choosing to get ready for school. LORD, COVER ME IN YOUR STRENGTH.

-Mia

Later

Diary,

I walked into the kitchen. Mom stood there, making coffee.

"Where do you think you are going?" she snapped at me.

"School?" I asked.

"Ha!" Mom smirked, "You will stay in your room until I tell you to leave." I nodded. I knew it wasn't time to ask questions or preach. The time for both would come later.

"Do you have any idea what you did to your father?" Mom demanded. I shook my head, "He only fell asleep an hour ago. He was up the whole night ranting. I can't believe he was a Freak when he was a child. You and your sister are driving him over the edge. Mia, just give up your silly- and not to mention stupid- beliefs now."

"I can't." I said quietly.

"Damn it Amelia! Must you be so difficult? If your father had his way you would be in custody right now. I am holding out that you will see your errors."

"I'm sorry Mom. I do not want to cause you and Dad any trouble I love you both very much but I cannot give up my beliefs. Jesus once said, "if anyone denies Me here on Earth, I will deny that person before my Father in heaven'."

"They have you brainwashed good. Sam said the exact same thing."

"Just have the Freak arrested." Dad entered the room. He looked at me with such disguised and disappointment that I began to cry again.

"Mia, go back to your room." I turned to leave when Dad spoke again, "You are foolish to believe in a God who asks you to die for Him."

"He died for me and you. He died so we could have a free life, so we could live forever. He suffered so much because He loved us. He was whipped, tortured, hum-"

"SHUT UP!" he screamed. Mom stood between the two of us, "You don't know anything. You think He loves you but when it comes to the end, when your hour of destruction comes, He will not be with you."

"Daddy, He has never left you but you have shut your heart to Him. God doesn't want to force you to come to Him so He waits for you. The Lord has promised us that He will never abandon us. 'He will not leave you nor forsake you.' Isaiah 41: 10 says-"

"Shut up!" he yelled again, "Lies! All lies! You will learn. He doesn't care about you! He doesn't give a crap about you!"

"Amelia... just go to your room." Mom said quietly. I hurried to my room.

LORD, I PLEAD WITH YOU AGAIN. LET DAD SEE THAT YOU CARE, LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU REALLY DO LOVE HIM AND THAT YOU NEVER LEFT HIM. PLEASE LET HIM REMEMBER THAT HE LOVED YOU ONCE AND YOU STILL LOVE HIM. HELP MY PARENTS. IN THE LORD JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

After school

Diary,

The phone just rang. My cordless phone happened to be in the living room... I wonder who that was. I really hope it was one of my friends. There I have just turn on my cell phone.

PLEASE LORD... PLEASE HAVE THEM CALL ME.

-Mia

A few minutes later

Diary,

I'm so stupid! Why didn't I think of this before- my cell phone! I could call them! Oh! Someone is calling...

It was Daniel!

"Mia, what's wrong? Why are you whispering?"

"My parents found me out." I replied and then told him of the following events. Daniel said nothing for a moment.

"I'm going to get together with David. We are going to pray for you."

"Thank- you."

"Do you need anything?"

"Just lots of prayer-" I paused. My stomach growled. I haven't eaten since yesterday at breakfast. Then I decided that it could be too dangerous from them to get me food, "just prayer."

"No problem." We then hung up.

LORD, THANK YOU FOR MY FRIENDS. I PLEAD THAT YOU CONTINUE TO STRENGTHEN ME. AS TIME TICKS BY I WORRY MORE... DON'T LET ME WEAKEN. HELP ME STAY STRONG; INFUSE ME WITH YOUR STRENGTH. OH LORD- I LOVE YOU SO! I CAN FEEL YOUR LOVE RIGHT NOW. IF THIS IS MY END, I WILL GO SINGING YOUR PRAISES. ONLY YOU ARE HOLY. ONLY YOU ARE WORTHY OF PRAISE. I WILL SING YOUR WORTH FOREVER. I SURRENDER ALL TO YOU. I LOVE YOU. I WORSHIP YOU! I WILL NOT FALTER! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN!

-Mia

Evening

Diary,

I was in my room. I had nothing to do; after all I don't spend much time in my room. I've done all my homework and for some reason I felt like I shouldn't be watching TV or listening to my music. I had put my Bible and my diary under my bed, just in case my parents came in.

Anyway, my mom did come in. She looked at me and snapped, "Dinner is ready, come on." Tears welled up in my eyes... my parents really seem to hate me now. I can't imagine anything more painful than when I realised that. This sounds terrible but not even when Sam died, I hurt so badly. I guess no child can stand that their parent's rejection. I followed Mom to the kitchen and sat down.

"I don't see how you can believe in God," Dad spat. I quickly reminded myself not to cry. Crying would not help. I needed to lean on God for strength.

"Dad, why do you ask me such a question? I know you believed, I overheard you after we talked to Sam. You were praying to God. You believe in God. You are just angry."

"Because of this 'God', your grandfather is dead and so is your sister. You could be dead within the week because of this 'God.'"

"We have had this discussion before," Mom said, "Amelia, are you ready to give up your stupid ways?"

"I am not. Please, if you let me explain why I am so adamant my beliefs."

"I don't want to hear your lies!" Mom cried. Hate filled her face as she looked at me. Dad jumped to his feet and walked over to his wife. He wrapped his arms around her. He whispered to her and she nodded.

"Amelia, return to your room." I nodded and ran back to my room. I knelt on the floor and prayed. My parents know where I stand and they know their civic duty. I have to remain strong. The Lord will keep me strong. He will. He promised that He would never abandon His children and I believe Him.

MY LORD, I SURRENDER MYSELF TO YOU. AGAIN, I TRUST YOU. I KNOW YOU WILL KEEP ME SAFE. YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH AND YOU PROMISED US EVERYTHING. I KNOW RIGHT NOW THINGS LOOK BLEAK BUT YOU PROMISED ETERNAL LIFE. I WILL GLADLY DIE FOR YOU LORD. MY LORD, I LOVE YOU WITH MY ALL. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TRUST WORTHINESS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE, THANK YOU. IN YOUR PERFECT SON'S NAME, AMEN.

-Mia 

Morning

Diary,

It's Friday. I'm so hungry. I didn't get dinner last night due to the discussion with my parents... I wonder if my parents are going to deal with themselves. I didn't even try to go to school today. I wish... I wish I could know what my parents are going to do. OH LORD...

-Mia

Afternoon

Diary,

Mom has gone to work. I worry. Dad is here still. I shouldn't worry but he was so angry with me. I honestly think he hates me now. OH LORD... YOU ARE MY HEAVENLY FATHER AND... FILL ME UP AGAIN WITH YOUR PEACE AND STRENGTH. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Later

Diary,

Dad came to visit me. He brought food- praise God! He said nothing as I ate.

"I was once like you," he said quietly, "I was on fire for God. I was going to tell the world about God and His love for the people of Earth. I wasn't going to be afraid of people's opinions or of the Leaders. I was going to lead people to salvation. I wasn't going to be afraid to let the world know I was God's child," He paused and looked at me, "I told my best friend, Seth, about God first and he fell in love with God. We planned, as soon as we finished high school, to travel the world and preach the Good News. But we weren't content in waiting. We wanted the whole world to know about the majesty of God and His son, Jesus. So we secretly started a Bible study at school. We would ask our friends to join us and we would work our way through the Gospels. We weren't afraid. God would protect us.

"Then one day we were caught. We were in the schoolyard and the police came. Everyone ran. I tugged at Seth's sleeve, urging him to come with me into hiding. He shook his head and said to me, 'What a wonderful opportunity the Lord has given us to present the Gospel!' I told him that we needed to leave but he stood up and began preaching. I remember exactly what he said as I ran into hiding." Again he stopped. 

"'For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.' Tell me gentlemen,' Seth called to the policemen, 'are you willing to meet a Being who rather have His own Son die than to see those He created perish? 'The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance!' One of the police officers yelled at him to shut up but Seth wouldn't. He just kept on preaching. The police surrounded him then beat him. Through the punches I could hear Seth sing. When the officers finally left I ran to Seth's side. He had been beaten badly. I told Seth to hold on and I would get him to a hospital. I dialled 911 on my cell phone and waited for the ambulance to come. Seth touched my arm and whispered, 'I see the Lord! Oh Josh! Such an awesome sight!' I hushed him, 'Keep your strength.' 'Oh Josh! What a wonderful God we have. Josh, 'blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for My sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.' Again I hushed him. He died on the way to the hospital." Dad looked at me. I said nothing I had tears in my eyes. How brave his friend was! I prayed for that strength. Perhaps one days I could be as strong as he was.

"I went home that day in pain but I still, for some stupid reason, loved God. My dad noticed that I wasn't acting like myself. He asked me what was wrong. At first I wasn't going to tell him. Now I wish I didn't but then I decided I would tell my dad, without fear, like Seth did with those policemen. And what would you know? My dad accepted Jesus as his personal 'Saviour' that night. My dad caught that consuming destroying fire of God's.

"For a year my dad went around sharing the Gospel. He wasn't bold like Seth and I were but at work he would tell anyone who would be willing to listen. One day he told the wrong guy and he was reported to the police. He told them that my father was violating his own religious choice. My dad was sent to jail. Several months later he was released but was not deterred. My mom, a smart woman, sought a divorce and refused to even talk to my father.

"Whenever I went to visit my father he would tell my stories of sharing the Gospel in prison. He told me to never be afraid to because even if he didn't have strength the Lord would give him some." Dad took my hand. I smiled at him. I didn't see hate in his eyes anymore but sadness.

"Dad didn't stop telling people about Jesus and one day a group of guys took the law into their own hands. He had the same death as Seth. After that I couldn't believe the promises of God. How could I? 'The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.' Yet all those who loved Him were dying. So I turned my back on God. I didn't need God. I didn't want God. I even told Him to leave me alone and for the longest time He did."

"Until Sam?" I asked. Dad nodded. I hugged Dad.

"Oh Daddy! He still loves you! Over the past couple of days this passage keeps coming to mind, 'Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.' James 1:2,3. In first Peter, it says the same. Trials are a good thing. They can being us closer to God!" Dad pulled away. He took my face gently into his hands.

"But now He threatens your life."

"No, He doesn't. You do. And if you choose to turn me in I will go singing Jesus' praises." Dad released my face and stood.

"My decision is not set in stone, Mia. Convince me otherwise." Then he left. I do not know if he means about reporting me or about God.

LORD, OPEN HIS EYES. ALLOW HIM TO SEE THAT YOU DO KEEP YOUR PROMISES. PLEASE LET HIM RETURN TO YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Middle of the night

Diary,

I can't sleep... I keep thinking about what Dad said. I don't know how to convince him. I've told him all I can. I have sent this up to God so I should be peaceful, right? I guess I'm only human and I know that isn't an excuse yet I still worry. I just wish I could know what is going to happen to me. Are my parents really going to have me arrested? Oh, I wish I knew...

-Mia

Evening

Diary,

Praise God! Oh He is so awesome! Well, you guessed it I know my answer! My parent's aren't going to turn me in! Praise God! Here's what happened:

I was called down for supper and we ate in silence. I was praying throughout the meal. I also notice Dad wasn't looking at me. Once the last bite was swallowed they made their decision.

"Amelia," Mom said, "your father and I have made a decision. We aren't going to turn you in, but if you get caught don't expect us to come visit you. You have clearly made your side clear."

"Secondly, you're grounded until further notice," Dad continued, "If a project needs to be done, your friends may come here. We are also taking and burning all your Christian... junk. Also you will not be allowed to go on the Internet for anything except school work and then your mother or I will be in the room supervising- understood?"

"Yes," I was grinning, "thank-you." Mom and Dad nodded.

"Now... return to your room," Mom said shortly and as I was about to leave she added, "don't make us regret our decision." I smiled again and ran up here to write everything down.

LORD, THANK YOU FOR THIS! THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING MY PARENTS NOT TO TURN ME IN! I ASK YOU ONLY THING AND THAT IS PLEASE LET THEM SEE YOUR LOVE! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia 

Afternoon

Diary,

I secretly called Daniel on my cell phone. He was so happy that my parents aren't going to turn me in. He was also really sad that I was going to lose all my Christian related things. I'm just relived that my parents haven't found my Bible/ Chemistry book or this diary. We didn't speak long but Daniel promised to pass the message along to David.

THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME SAFE THIS PAST COUPLE OF DAYS. THANK YOU FOR MY FRIENDS WHO TRULY CARE ABOUT ME. THANK YOU FOR MY PARENTS AND THEIR LOVE. THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE. AMEN.

-Mia 

Evening

Diary,

Mom came in this evening to talk with me. She sort of smiled then sat down on my bed. I managed to push my Bible under my bed with my foot. I don't think she saw it.

"Amelia, I love you. I can't understand why you believe in a God, especially since science can explain why life began. There is no need for God." She said.

"Mom, I believe we need God. He gives us comfort and strength. He loves us no matter what we do. He sent His own Son so we could live, so we didn't have to suffer."

"But Mia, we do suffer. There is pain. There is pain because people, like you or Sam, won't give up their beliefs. Families wouldn't suffer as much if they didn't have to see their children or parents die. Your God doesn't prevent suffering but causes it."

"Mom, do you think if religion was legal would people still die because of their beliefs? No. Man created those rules. Man causes the suffering."

"So are you against our government too? Do you believe everything would be peachy keen if there was no worldly government?"

"I have nothing against our government. In fact the Bible tells us to respect and honour our leaders. My issue against them is that they have destroyed freedom of religion."

"Mia, is there nothing I can do to convince you otherwise?" I shook my head.

"Mother, I love the Lord with my whole being. I pray that one day you will understand why I believe so strongly."

"I love you. Please don't get caught. I couldn't bear losing another child." Then Mom left.

LORD, I ASK THAT YOU OPEN THEIR HEARTS. ALLOW THEM TO SEE WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. LET THEM FEEL YOUR STRENGTH AND, OF COURSE, YOUR LOVE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia


	8. Chapter Six

Chapter Six 

_Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? (Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.") No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8: 35- 39 _

After school

Diary,

This sucks. I mean I'm so happy to be back at school and all. I'm so thankful for this chance. Plus I am being super careful around my parents but this really sucks. Matthew is in my second period class and this project was assigned. Matthew was made my partner- and trust me I protested. It didn't do any good. So tomorrow after school Matthew is coming here so we can work on the project. Matthew, tonight, is going to do book research while I look on the Internet for information. I'm not a happy camper.

LORD, PLEASE ALLOW THAT EVERYTHING GOES OKAY TOMORROW... LORD, I DON'T USUALLY PRAY FOR PEOPLE I DISLIKE... I NEVER LIKED ANNE OR MATTHEW BUT ONCE THEY SEEMED TO REALLY LOVE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU DID. NOW THEY TRY TO DESTROY YOUR CREATIONS. THEY SEEM TO HAVE LOST THEIR LOVE FOR YOU. FATHER... PLEASE SAVE YOUR CHILDREN. REMIND THEM OF YOUR ETERNAL LOVE. PLEASE RENEW THEM. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

I should go and start researching.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

Daniel wants to come over tonight. He doesn't trust Matthew.

"Daniel, it's no big," I said, "It's just a school project. Nothing is going to happen." I looked at David for support but he said nothing. I made a face.

"It's a school project!" I cried and then left for class. I think my friends need to chill out! I don't fully trust Matthew but I highly doubt that he will accuse me instead of doing a huge project!

I don't know why Daniel and David are freaking out so much. I mean I have faced more scary situations these past weeks! First with almost being caught at church then the threat at home. You would think they don't think I can handle Matthew. But I am trusting God. That's what we are supposed to do, right?

Okay, I sound like Anne, all superior and such. I am truly scared. My dad was so angry and violent couple days ago. My mom was so cold and angry… they might just change their minds. Even after my talk with mom, they still think that I am in the wrong, that's way I am being very careful around them.

LORD, PLEASE CONTINUE TO KEEP ME SAFE. HELP ME REMAIN STRONG IN YOU. THANKS FOR LOVING ME AS MUCH AS YOU DO. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Before Bed

Diary,

I cleaned up the rec room and set two steaming cups of hot chocolate on the table. I love working on homework with a hot drink. It makes the whole experience less painful. The doorbell rang and I ran upstairs and allowed Matthew in. He walked in. He seemed disheveled. His dark hair was messed up and there was a cut on his face.

"Sorry I'm late." He said.

"Your face..." I whispered. He touched the cut.

"It's just from training. Shall we start?" I nodded and led him downstairs. We worked for about a half an hour when Matthew asked me, "Are you worried about Steve?" I was surprised at the question. I didn't think he would bring it up. He quickly continued, "I wouldn't be. They aren't going to hurt him."

"Matt, I am worried about you." I said.

"Me? Whatever for?"

"I would like to apologize. I never made any real attempt to be your friend." I said. I went to take a sip of my hot chocolate but there wasn't any left. Matthew laughed, "That's why you're worried? Because you aren't friends with everyone? That's life, Mia. Come on, let's finish."

"You are Daniel and David's closest friend. I should have made more of an effort."

"Like I said, no big." We continued to work.

"Matthew," I said after a while, "why did you join the Secret Student Police?" I blushed. I didn't mean for him to know our name for that group.

"Mia! I don't see how that is any of your business!" he cried.

"I just want to understand. I always thought you had such a strong love for God. I was... jealous, I guess, you seemed to have complete and total trust for God and I couldn't. But this seemed such an anti- God thing to do." Matthew opened his mouth to retort but he quickly shut it. I think he was speechless.

"That's what you thought?" he finally asked. I nodded and began to wish I didn't bring this up.

"Remember at Jocelyn's trial? You seemed so brave to freely want to express your devotion for God. You just seemed to trust Him so much. I thought that... well I don't know exactly what I thought. Maybe I thought I needed to trust myself instead of always trusting God. I envied you because you seemed to be able to trust God completely without any struggle." Matthew stared at our project.

"I understand that all too well. I suppose I joined because I figured if I looked like I completely worshipped the Leaders then they wouldn't suspect me. They wouldn't have any reason to search my things and arrest me," he looked up, "I've never told anyone that. Not even Anne."

"Matt, it's okay to be scared. I'm scared but we have to trust God. This weekend I could have given in but I couldn't. If we ask for wisdom; He will give it to us."

"But it's too late! I can't undo what I have done! If I quit... they will kill me."

"God is holy." Matthew stared at me.

"'Pick up your cross and follow Me,'" he whispered, "But also if I quit then I will lose Anne. She is so proud that I joined. I am in love with her. I can't lose her."

"Matt, this is going to sound harsh but are you willing to lose Christ?" Matthew picked up a pen and twirled it in his fingers.

"I love God," he paused, "but I love Anne."

"Isn't Anne a Christian?" I asked, "I'm sure she'll understand."

"I used to think she was but then... she began to make comments about Jocelyn, her parents, you and David. Heck, she was the one who turned in Steve."

"She... she turned him in?" I whispered but Matthew continued as if I hadn't said anything.

"But if she isn't then I am in a lot of trouble. If I quit she will turn me in. She knows how bad I felt when Steve was caught. I'm damned." So much of me wanted to ask more about Anne and Steve but I knew that there were more important issues at hand. It was as if God was acting through me which is probably a good thing because I know I wouldn't be able to help Matthew in the way he needed on my own..

"You need to decided what's more important: earthly rewards or heavenly." Matthew nodded. It was now Bible time. I opened my backpack and pulled out my Bible.

"'Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you.' Deuteronomy 31:8. 'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.' Philippians 4:10." Matthew looked at me.

"You have really matured," he paused, "and I have really fallen away," again he paused. He took my hand and bowed his head, "Please Father, please forgive me from turning away from You. Please give me the strength to do what You want me to do, Lord. If You want me to leave the Chosen Students then I will. I want to trust You fully. Help me trust You. In Jesus' name, amen."

I really hope Matthew listen to the Word of God. I also really hope he is able to leave SPS safely. Anyway, we finished our project and we are sure that we are going to get an awesome grade. Matthew promised to keep in touch about his decision.

LORD, PLEASE WATCH OVER MATTHEW. HELP HIM BE STRONG AND MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE. ALSO PLEASE HELP ANNE LEARN ABOUT YOUR DYING LOVE. HELP YOUR CHILDREN WHO ARE AFRAID. LIFE IS SCARY AND THERE ARE TIMES WE WISH TO PROTECT OURSELVES. REMIND US THAT YOU ARE THE GREAT PROTECTOR, YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH US AND YOU ALWAYS LOVE US. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

Daniel and David are dying to know what happened last night. I'm just telling them that our project is finished. I think that if Matthew wants them to know what happened then he would tell them. I don't really think that it's my place, you know?

Anyway I saw Amy today. She's looking rather strange. I wonder what's up with her? But with exams coming up I should begin to study.

-Mia

4th period

Diary,

Matthew just came up to us at lunch. Anne wasn't around.

"David, Daniel, I'm sorry that I broke your trust. I'm really fighting myself about this whole Chosen Students thing. While I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that, I feel that I should tell you this. Anne, and though I tried to tell her not to but I didn't try my best so I'm at fault, turned in Steve."

"What?" Daniel jumped to his feet. David just shook his head.

"Listen... he has been sentenced to death. Probably in a couple weeks they will execute him. It will be public because they will try to catch the remaining members of the church." I closed my eyes. I couldn't believe this.

"My Lord..." David said. Matthew looked uncomfortable.

"I'm-" Daniel cut him off.

"You know what Matt? Just shut up." Then he stormed off. I grabbed my bag and went after him.

I caught up with him outside, heading towards the park.

"Daniel!" I called as I ran up to him.

"Mia, leave me alone." He snapped. I shook my head.

"No, talk to me," I urged, "Please."

"Why don't you mind your own business for once?" he cried angrily, "You have your own issues, so deal with them!" I nodded my head and turned to leave.

"If you want to talk to me, I'm here."

"I don't." I didn't go to class 3rd period. I just sat in the cafe and thought. I thought how easy it was a couple of months ago. I thought that even through there was danger then, we weren't in the spotlight of it. It wasn't until Jocelyn died we were thrust into it. We are forced to look to God more. Some of us grew. Like David. Allow me to be judgmental for a moment but before he was so cocky in his faith. He thought if he was faced with trials he wouldn't be afraid but then it happened and he was fearful. Being made to watch a horrific crime; his world crumbled. Leaning on God, it's being rebuilt with a God foundation.

Others have weakened when we have faced trials. Again being judgmental, Matthew took to trusting himself. Hopefully now that he has realized that he knows to trust God now. I guess it's Danny's turn. I hope he turns to the right people for help.

After judging everyone else I haven't looked at myself. I guess I'm ashamed now. The past couple of days I've been ignoring God. It's like that I know if I continue to approach Him the trials are getting harder and I don't want more trails. I need to face Him but I don't want to. I'm afraid. What if He ups the threats? What if I get arrested? Am I strong enough? I know I'm not. That question is proof enough. You would think I would learn after my experience with my parents. I'm just... bugged.

LORD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I SHOULD BE GIVING ALL MY WORRIES TO YOU. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO TRUST YOU THAT YOU ARE TAKING CARE OF ME. I SHOULD KNOW YOU LOVE ME FOREVER. LORD, HELP ME TO TRUST YOU. HELP ME TO LEAN ON YOU MORE, TO THROW ALL MY WORRIES TO YOU. YOU ARE THE LORD OF ALL AND MY CREATOR. PRAISE YOU! HOW AWESOME AND HOLY YOU ARE LET ME NEVER TURN MY EYES OFF OF YOU! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Evening

Diary,

David called me. Luckily I can still talk on the phone. Anyway, he told me that he had been talking to Daniel.

"I think Daniel really needs his friends."

"That's what I thought but he told me to go away."

"So did I but it didn't stop you."

"Yeah... Matthew needs us too."

"I know but I think Daniel is more important."

"They are both important. Maybe we need them to become friends again." David gave a bitter laugh.

"Nice idea but unlikely. Daniel sees Matthew as the world's biggest traitor and honestly I am inclined to agree with him."

"David!" I cried, "Matthew made a mistake. He sees his errors and is turning back to God."

"One word: Steve."

"If we refuse to accept him, he will just return to the Chosen Students. We will lose him!"

"He's still a part of the Students! Listen Mia, who's more important- the traitor Matthew or your best friend Daniel?" I said nothing. I love Daniel but I knew Matthew needed our help. There is a Bible story like this. Paul and John Mark went preaching and when the heat came on John Mark ran away. After that Paul didn't want to take him on any more missions. Barnabas insisted taking John Mark with him and John Mark became an awesome preacher. So just because Matthew chickened out once didn't mean he didn't deserve our friendship. What would Jesus do? Accept him anyway.

On the other side I understand where David and Daniel are coming from. Matthew (and Anne) betrayed our pastor. Steve would be murdered because of those two.

"Mia, come on. You honestly can't answer that?"

"I agree with you David but I still don't think we can shun Matthew." David murmured an agreement. There wasn't much left to say. I quickly decided to call Daniel.

"Mia." He answered. He sounded distant, as if I was the enemy.

"Daniel, talk to me."

"About what?"

"How about why you are so mad at me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I was beginning to get really annoyed. I didn't pay games with my friends so I didn't expect them to play games with me.

"No. Why don't you enlighten me?"

"You are siding with the enemy!"

"I am not! I'm not siding with anyone. I'm trying to be both yours and Matthew's friend!"

"Who is the enemy!"

"What's the difference between Noah and Matthew then?"

"Noah didn't turn in our pastor!"

"He turned his back on my sister! Besides Matthew has repented-"

"Then why is he still a part of that group? If he did then he would have quit by now! Mia, stop standing up for him! Yeah, a couple of months ago I would have wanted you too but now he's untrustworthy. Your first reaction was right."

"How can you judge him? You haven't spoken to him!"

"That you know of."

"What? When?" he paused. I think he was considering telling me or not.

"Just forget it, okay?"

"Okay..." I, personally, want to know but I also know when you are in a middle of a fight with your best friend you don't start another one. No one said anything for a minute.

"Mia, can you just side with me and David?"

"I can't," I said honestly, "Daniel, I don't believe it's right," I told him the story of John Mark and Paul and explained that I couldn't do the same, "I know things are a little different but do you see where I am coming from?"

"I see. I don't agree but I see."

"So can we leave it at that? Agree to disagree?"

"I suppose. Just... be careful." I smiled. I'm glad that this didn't ruin our friendship.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

Or maybe I'm wrong. David and Daniel are avoiding me. Or so I think. I hope I'm wrong but I couldn't find either of them this morning. So I actually hung out with Anne and Matthew. Anne kept giving me all these looks, like 'why are you here' and 'why won't you go away'? I really just wanted to punch her. Matthew looked at me and he seemed to want to talk to me. I left quickly. There is nothing worst for a teenager than to go to class early. So that's my morning. I hope Daniel and David grow up soon.

-Mia

Lunch

Diary,

Lunch on my own... Matthew has a meeting with the SPS. Amy is nowhere to be seen. I hate this. Am I really that wrong? If we don't be his friend he may return but to the SPS.

LORD, I KNOW YOU ARE MY FRIEND... HELP ME REMEMBER THAT. HELP MY FRIENDSHIPS... PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I AM DONG THE RIGHT THING. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

After school

Diary,

The past two days have really sucked. Daniel and David are talking to me but they are really cool to me. I wish they would grow up already! I'm not the bad guy! Anyway, Matthew cornered me last period and asked to talk to me tonight. So he's coming over under the guise that we need to put the finishing touches on our project. He's coming over after supper.

LORD, PLEASE HELP MATTHEW. ENGULF HIM WITH YOUR LOVE. LET HIM BE STRONG. ALSO HELP DAVID AND DANIEL. HELP ME TOO. IF I'M DOING SOMETHING I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO LET ME NOW. KEEP US STRONG.

-Mia

Before Bed

Diary,

LORD THANK YOU FOR THIS! THANK YOU FOR GIVING MATTHEW THE STRENGTH TO QUIT THE STUDENT SECRET POLICE. THANK YOU FOR GIVING HIM THE STRENGTH TO RETURN TO YOU! PLEASE GIVE HIM THE STRENGTH IN THE COMING WEEKS. HELP HIM KNOW THAT HE MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. ALLOW HIM TO KNOW THAT HE HAS HEAVENLY LOVE (YOU) AND EARTHLY LOVE (ME AND HOPEFULLY DANIEL AND DAVID). THANK YOU! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

Matthew came over and he had fear written all over his face. We went down into the rec room and shut the door so Mom and Dad couldn't hear.

"I quit." He said quietly. I smiled.

"Matthew! That's awesome!" I jumped up and gave him a huge hug.

"I might have just signed my own death certificate but I quit. Then I told Anne that I couldn't be with her anymore. I told her that I loved God too much to risk my soul. She was angry. She told me that I was being stupid. I should give up these stupid beliefs. I told her I couldn't. I told her there was no way. God saved me before. I should learn to trust Him fully. She kicked me out of her house when I told her. She's going to turn me in. Mia... I'm going to die. I want to run back and tell her it's all a joke. Mia... I'm scared."

"I don't know what to say. God is in control. Matthew, pray with me," I asked. We closed our eyes and held hands, "Our heavenly Father, please give Matthew peace. He has forfeited comfort and control because he loves You too much. He surrenders his life into Your hands. Please Almighty Lord give him strength. Help him keep his mind on You. Don't let him let go of Your perfect love."

"Lord I love you so much. I long to be with you. I'm not afraid. I can feel Your love within me," his voice cracked. I could tell he was crying, "I love You. I'm not afraid. I surrender myself into Your hands. I fear not. Who can harm me when You are on my side? I love You! I praise You! You are my everything. Amen!"

"Amen." I looked at Matthew, tears in my eyes too. I could sense a heavenly peace that surrounded him. I could understand that peace. It is the same peace I felt last weekend. I hugged him.

"You aren't alone."

"Amelia, thank- you for being my friend." He then left.

THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU!

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

There's a lot of tension in the air. I'm glad the weekend gave Matthew time to be away from everyone. It gave him some time to breathe. Anyway, there are rumours flying around like crazy about what happened with Matthew and the SPS. Matthew hung out with me this morning. Daniel and David came up to us.

"What's the truth, Matthew?" Daniel asked sharply. I almost glared at him. I still think Daniel is being overly cruel to Matthew.

"I quit. I couldn't do it anymore. Mia was right. I was betraying God if I continued." I smiled at Matthew. Daniel nodded. He was silent for a moment, "You serious?" Matthew nodded. Daniel then smiled and said, "Welcome back, man." I thought that was a cheep apology but Matthew seemed to think it was okay. The five-minute warning bell rang. Daniel looked at me. I bid good- bye then started off to class. He chased me.

"Mia... sorry I'm such a jerk." I looked at him. I didn't want to say it was just okay. It wasn't.

"Daniel... you really hurt my feelings. I couldn't choose sides. If we just left Matthew, he may have never make the choice he did. What would Jesus do?"

"I know... I just... Steve was close, you know? I saw him as a brother. When he was arrested and then we found out that it was Matthew and Anne... I couldn't take it. It hurt. I took it out on the wrong people."

"We all have issues," the late bell rang, "but we work through them. We work through them together. We are siblings in Christ and we work together. Daniel, you aren't alone in any of this." I smiled.

"I really blew it." Daniel said. I shook my head then I hugged my best friend, "No, you didn't. Just don't forget you can't walk this road alone. I'm here for you. David is here for you. And now is Matthew. Plus God cares too. He's the biggest comforter of all."

"Yeah." Then we hurried to class.

THANK- YOU, LORD, THAT DANIEL AND I ARE FRIENDS AGAIN. EVEN THROUGH THINGS MAY SEEM DARK... IT'S NOT REALLY. THANKS, LORD. AMEN.

-Mia

3rd period

Diary,

Argh. Matthew just told us at lunch that he was called into the counsellor's office during 2nd period. Mrs. Sweitch is a nice woman but argh. She wanted to know why Matthew quit SPS. He told us he didn't say a word. Just a lot of shrugging. We went outside to pray. We asked God for strength. We asked God to strengthen each of us. We all are facing trials and we are going to rely on God now. I hope Matthew remains safe. But this is bad. If the school is looking into why Matthew has left, it might mean the government is looking into it too. I'm so glad the Leaders have left. Looking back I never recording it. They left several days after the party. I guess I was too busy worrying about David to care.

LORD, PLEASE KEEP YOUR LOVING EYES ON MATTHEW. PLEASE PROTECT AND MAKE SURE NOTHING MAJOR COMES FROM THESE INVESTIGATIONS AT SCHOOL. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

- Mia

1st period

Diary,

The school called Matthew's parents last night. They demanded to know why he quit. Matthew said he felt very tempted to say school- related reasons. He told that he just couldn't do that. I said to him I understood that all too well. He said nothing. His parents are concerned and made a doctor's appointment for him. They think he may be ill or something. We all promised to pray for Matthew. He really needs support.

Speaking of parents all things are still strange at home. I can't wait until I'm able to move out. Dad doesn't say a word to me, unless he has to. I would like to say it doesn't bother me but that's not true. If Dad was once a Christian then one would think he would be able to understand my devotion to God. At least Mom is talking to me. She is acting super nice. Maybe she think if she was a better parent then both Sam and I wouldn't need God. That is absurd. She went a psycho last week but what do you expect? Society hates Christians. They think if anyone is religious then they lower than pond scum. Mom only acted as society told her to which doesn't make sense. You'd think she'd still be psycho but maybe she's feeling guilty or something... Anyway she's acting all sweet. Not lifting the grounding through. Um... I've just read over the entry. I sound so flaky. I guess... I guess I don't want to write how much it really hurts. I know that God is true and all that but I also know I'm disappointing to my parents and no child wants that. All children want their parents to be proud of them. I hate that they aren't proud of me.

I need to get it together. I can't start crying in class. Anyway, I should start studying for exams.

-Mia

After school

Home

alone

lost

afraid

where is the light?

I feel Your presence

comfort

love

peace

hope

I don't need Earth

All I need is You

So why does it hurt so much?

2nd period

LORD, I FEEL SUCH AN OVERWHELMING URGE TO PRAY FOR MATTHEW. I DON'T KNOW WHY. SO I'LL JUST SAY THIS: I KNOW YOU KNOW WHY. I LIFT THAT PRAYER TO YOU. LET HIM KNOW YOUR LOVE AND COMFORT. WHATEVER TRIALS THAT COME LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE THERE FOR HIM. LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU CARE FOR HIM AND YOU WILL ALWAYS KEEP HIM STRONG. THE OVERWHELMING-NESS IS PASSING NOW SO I HOPE I PRAYED WHAT NEEDED TO BE PRAYED. LORD YOU ARE HOLD AND PERFECT. YOU KNOW EVERYTHING AND YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. LORD... I JUST PRAY WHATEVER YOUR PLAN IS, IT IS CARRIED OUT WITH THE PROCLAIMING MESSAGE OF YOUR GLORY. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Evening

(in car)

Diary- Dad is driving me to the hospital. David just called. Matthew is there. Something bad has happened. LORD, PLEASE LET YOUR GLORY SHINE THROUGH!

-Mia

Late

Diary,

I... can't... even write. I don't understand why this happens... why can't we be in heaven with You now? Where the is no pain? Or sorrow? Or death? I know we're aren't suppose to ask ' why did this happen? let it go away' but ask 'how is Your will can be done?' but nights like this... OH LORD!

-Mia

Later

(really early in the morning)

Diary,

I should write this all down or else I might think this is all a terrible nightmare. I wish it was.

I was sitting down, about to start my English homework when the phone rang. I answered.

"Mia, it's David," there was something abnormal with his voice.

"What's wrong?"

"Matthew is in the hospital."

"What?"

"Please come." We hung up and my dad offered to drive me. We rode in silence. I ran in and hurried to David and Daniel, who was already there. Matthew's parents weren't anywhere to be seen.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure," David said, "but Matthew's in surgery."

"Oh God!" I whispered, tears filling my eyes. Daniel put his arm around me. We stood there in silent prayer for a few minutes when Matthew's dad walked up to us.

"You are Matt's friends, aren't you?" he asked. We nodded.

"Sir, what happened?" Daniel asked. He looked back at the ICU doors.

"Matthew was attacked."

"What?" we cried. We all received an angry look from the nurses. Mr. Burns led us to the chairs.

"He was coming home from school and a bunch of Chosen Students jumped him," he swallowed, "They called him a religious freak. Matthew didn't deny it. He began," tears began to fall, " to proclaim Jesus as Lord and Saviour. The boys called him a traitor and began to beat him up. Then they left him for dead. By some miracle someone found him and called 911 to help Matt."

"Sir," David whispered, "how do you know this?"

"Police reports. Apparently those boys then turned themselves in. They will probably be released without punishment."

"How bad it Matthew's condition?" I asked, praying he could survive this.

"A collapsed lung, broken ribs and bones and there is brain swelling."

"Oh God!" I cried and began to sob. How could this happen? Matthew's mom walked up to us. She looked horrible but what could one expect?

"He's out of surgery."

"And?" she shook her head then returned to be with her only son. Matthew's dad thanked us for coming and went to be with his wife and son. We stayed where we were, praying silently for Matthew's recovery. We lingered until around eleven when his father returned to us. Just a side note: Dad stayed with us the whole time. Anyway, Mr. Burns gave us an update.

"He's still critical and the doctors don't think he will survive the night. You kids should go home. Get some rest. I have David's phone number." He advised. My dad agreed and offered to drive David and Daniel home.

"We'll come back after school, sir," Daniel said, "Please call us if there is any news." He promised.

After Dad dropped off my friends he asked me if Matthew was really a Christian. I nodded. I thought I heard him mutter, "Like Seth." We were pulling into the driveway when dad offered to pick my friends and myself after school then drive us to the hospital. I thanked him.

LORD, PLEASE KEEP YOUR HEALING HAND ON MATTHEW THIS NEXT DAY. PLEASE ALLOW HIM TO LIVE. PLEASE. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

I'm so very tired. Daniel, David and I barely spoke this morning. They were grateful that dad would drive us today. We are just so shocked. We... I don't know. Everything hurts.

-Mia

4th period

Diary,

I can't believe it! How can people be so insensitive? I thought people were rude when Sam was arrested but I thought a part of that was because maybe they didn't know her. At lunch so many people were making fun of Matthew. The remaining members of SPS were boasting about what happened.

"I can't believe Matthew was a Jesus Freak. Oh well, he gets what he deserves." One student said then was complimented with cheers all around him. I heard a giggle from this student's girlfriend, "If he survives, you can beat him again." Again with the cheers. I looked at Daniel. He looked furious and seemed to be trying to bite his tongue. I saw David shake his head and whisper, "I thought they were his friends."

"People are so thoughtless." I commented. Daniel stood up from the table and left the cafe. I looked at David. He didn't notice but continued to listen.

"Well, if he dies then the world is better off without freaks like that." another person piped up. I stand up.

"I can't believe this!" I cried. I was shaking, "We all went to school with him for 4 years. We all loved him until someone suddenly says something so called negative about him and he's better off dead? You are all disguising." Then I stormed out.

I was walking towards the outside when Amy walked up to me. She seemed really upset.

"What is it with you?" she cried angrily, "You want to know why I have problems accepting Jesus? People die because of Him!"

"People die because of other people. They die because people sentence Christ- followers to death. I'm sorry Amy. I don't want to deal with your scepticism today." Then I stormed off. I know I should have probably talked to her. I know I shouldn't have been so cool and short off with her but... right now I don't know. I'm so tired of everyone.

-Mia

After school

(at hospital)

Diary,

He's still alive! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Sadly, according to Dr. Vasner, Matthew's doctor, if he does live Matthew will be mentally handicapped for the rest of his life but the doctor doesn't think he will survive. The swelling has gone only minimally. The three of us are praying silently all day but... this is so hard. I mean I only met Matthew several months ago and he's close to me now.

LORD, PLEASE DON'T LET HIM PASS FROM THIS EARTH. PLEASE GIVE MATTHEW A FULL RECOVERY. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia 


	9. CHapter Seven

Chapter Seven 

_That is why we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" Remember your leaders who first taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and trust the Lord as they do. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:6-9 _

After supper

Diary,

He's dead. I...

At home

Diary,

He's in heaven, meeting his Saviour. He has no more pain or suffering. He's happy now. Such a part of me wishes that I could join him. But it's not my turn. Matthew Jadyn Burns died at 5:13pm on June 6th. On this day he is with Jesus, the Lord and Saviour of mankind.

LORD, THANK-YOU FOR GIVING MATTHEW NEW LIFE. YOUR GLORY WILL BE SHOWN. MY FRIENDS AND I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU KNOW BEST BUT WE ASK FOR YOUR COMFORT. WE MISS OUR FRIEND. PLEASE COMFORT US. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Later

Diary,

Dad came to talk to me.

"Mia, I know this is hard. Time heals all wounds." Dad said to me.

"I know God didn't do this to Matthew but it still hurts. It's not that I don't love Him or trust Him... I just don't understand. Pus I'm scared. What if that would have been me? Daddy, would you have stayed by my side? Would Mom have?" the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. Dad pulled me into a hug. We sat crying for a moment.

"Daddy, I'm sorry that I'm a disappointment to you. I know you hate me. I wish... I wish I could please you and Mom."

"Oh baby," he said as he fiercely hugged me, "you are not a disappointment to me. We are so worried about you. What if that was you in a coma instead of Matthew? My heart breaks that Sammy is gone. I was so happy when I thought you were safe. I guess... I guess if He is real, I cannot run from Him."

"He is real." I whispered.

"When Seth died I begged God not to take anyone else I loved from me. I begged Him. I told Him I would not be fearful again if He kept those I loved safe. To prove my word I told my dad about Christ. But God broke His promise," he stopped. I opened my mouth to say something but dad continued as if I wasn't even there, "Or so I thought. Because I thought God didn't keep His children safe I thought that perhaps He didn't exist. I told myself that He was just a terrible cruel lie. All because He didn't play by my rules.

"All through college I met Christians. I even witnessed some of their deaths. After every one of their deaths I would shut my dorm door and curse God for being a liar. I knew He existed. During my second year I caved at one point. I began researching Buddhism and Hinduism but they just seemed empty. They were self- religions and there wasn't that focus on God. You would think that is what I would have wanted but it just didn't seem right. So I trusted myself into a big anti- religion group.

"I, then, met your mother. A beautiful and smart woman. She was perfect. We dated for two years then we married. A year later Samantha Ruth was born. I remember thinking she was a gift from God. Such a perfect baby. I told myself, later, she wasn't a gift. She was a product of me and my wife... uh... there was no Gift Giver. A few years later Amelia Lydia was born. Another gift from God. For so many years He left me alone, or so I thought. He was just revealing Himself in different ways.

"When Sam died, all those feeling about my own father and Seth came back. I was putting my trust in the wrong person. Oh Lord!" he began to pray, "You are so patient with me. You do go after the lost lamb until they are safe in Your care. I am so sorry for the hate I have felt. Please forgive me. Help me put my trust in You now. I will walk Your path. Amen." 

"Amen." I whispered, crying. My dad has become a Christian again! I hugged him.

"Daddy, it hurts that my friend is gone but I know he is in a better place. And I believe when you and I are called to be with God, we will be reunited with Matthew, Sam, Seth and Grandpa. He's so good."

"My baby, truer words have not been spoken."

THANK- YOU LORD! MATTHEW'S DEATH DID SHOW YOUR GLORY. DAD IS NOW YOUR CHILD AND I THANK YOU. YOU ARE SO GREAT AND HOLY. WE ARE LOST WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! IN YOUR SON'S NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Afternoon

Diary,

It's been several days since the last entry. Looking back I guess I didn't really hit me yet. It didn't sink in that Matthew was gone. I didn't go to school on Friday. I spent the day crying and reading the Bible. But I wasn't just mourning Matthew but Sam and Jocelyn too. It hit me on Friday that I have lost three people that I really care about. I'm still not totally "okay". I hurt a lot still.

I haven't spoken to David and Daniel since Thursday. I guess we don't want to talk. It makes everything too real. We must face the fact that one of our group is gone. Anyway, Matthew's funeral will be tomorrow after school. Dad is taking me.

-Mia

1st period

Diary,

We are such a sombre group. Some people come up to us and express their sympathy for us. Others tell us to quit being so sad. I wonder how many people are actually going to be at the funeral today?

LORD... HI. I AM AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. I GUESS I THROW ALL MY WORRIES AND PROBLEMS TO YOU. YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. THANK- YOU. IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN.

-Mia

Evening

Diary,

What to say about the funeral itself? Actually a lot of students were there, probably most of the school. The entire Chosen Students troop was there. Surprises, most of them looked upset. I know now that Matthew's death is truly working for the glory of God.

After the service one member, Joel, came up to Daniel, David and I. He was one of the SPS who attacked Matthew.

"Mia, Daniel, David," Joel paused, "I am truly sorry. Since that night I cannot forget what I did. Many members of Students believe what happened was for the best but I wonder..." he looked away.

"What?" Daniel asked gently.

"Was Matthew telling the truth? I mean, about Jesus. Could there really be a person who loves me more than anything else? Who willingly suffered and died for me?" David nodded.

"Let's go outside and I'll tell you the Truth." David returned with Joel an hour later. Joel had accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour! PRAISE GOD! MAY YOUR KINGDOM GROW!

But that is not all that happened at the funeral. Amy was there too.

"Mia!" she came up to me and hugged me, "I did it! I really did it!" she was grinning.

"How? What happened?" I just knew what she was talking about. Amy finally accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour!

"Thursday, I was in my room looking at Jesus Freaks Lives, that website, and I was just staring at the screen as if I was expecting a magic answer to pop out. I was reading over some of the testimonies and it just dawned on me. There was no magic answer. If He was real then He was. I turned off my computer and knelt down. I asked Him to reveal Himself to me. Nothing happened. No bolts of lightening or thunderclaps. He didn't appear to me. I figured nothing was my answer. Nothing was out there. I opened my diary and the first thing I saw was 'I am the Truth, the Way, and the Life. No one can come to the Father except through me.'

"I have no idea why but I just began to cry. I began praying too," she grinned, "What I said was rather private but He entered my life that night. I see now He really did answer my prayer." I hugged Amy.

"That's so awesome!" I cried, grinning.

So, Diary, because of one death at least three people found new life. I am so awestruck by the power and glory of God. How people cannot see Him is beyond me!

My Saviour

My Lord

Your glory done

I don't always agree

I don't always like

But You are God

The Lord of all

The King of all

Why do I fight?

Why do I disagree?

When I know You know?

Silly human

You are my Lord

my Saviour

Your glory done.

Afternoon

Diary,

It's been several weeks since I last wrote. Our group seems to have gotten bigger. Joel and Amy hang out with us a lot more now. Joel is slowly pulling away from SPS. He tells us he is afraid to quit like Matthew but he, at least for now, is not participating with the hunts. Amy, being the only one with unsupervised Internet access, is now working on the website. She was really surprised that Danny and I were in charge! She's doing a really good job and she's really growing in her faith. Amy and I are now Bible Buddies. That just means we do Bible studies together. My friends and I don't see Anne anymore. According to rumours she's trying to get into SPS. She doesn't even look at us, which is fine with us. We are praying for her and her family now. We hope she finds Jesus soon.

Life at home is a lot better now. Since Dad has become a Christian, he is loosing the grounding up. He's letting me go on Christian sites when Mom isn't home plus he's helping my friends and I find a new church. Dad is also trying to get Mom to loosen up about Christianity. He tells me that he is planning to share the Good News with her soon.

Joel is also updating us with information about Steve. Right now he is in this labour camp somewhere in the city. They will probably kill him soon. David, who has been trying to find that information, has confirmed all that. We will try to be there but depending on the information on security of the place we may not go. If they are searching for mourners we would be caught… and killed.

Anyway, things besides Steve seem to have calmed down. After these past few months I've learnt stuff. I've really learnt to trust God. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect but I must look to God now. Before I do anything now I turn to Him first. I still struggle with my faith but I trust Him a lot more!

LORD, THANK- YOU FOR BEING SUCH A WONDERFUL FATHER. YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN SO MUCH. YOU COMFORT US AND KEEP US SAFE. IT'S SO AMAZING THAT THROUGH EVERYTHING YOUR GLORY IS STILL SHOWN. THANK- YOU LORD, MY GOD FOR EVERYTHING!

-Mia 


End file.
